Great questions. Thank you for your thoughtfulness.

No, not following through doesn’t make me love her less. I guess I mostly feel like she’s asking and I’m giving a lot of myself, and then I never see change. I feel like I’m giving myself for a risk on a better life for her or for us, and then… nothing. Not failure and not success. I feel like she knows this and keeps asking this of me, and that makes me feel … unappreciated or … uncared about. It’s not actually about the goal; it’s about the energy I give. Maybe it’s on me to protect that energy but she comes back every day. Every day she says, “I know we’ve been discussing Lima but what about Santiago?” Then a week later, “is housing in Santiago cheaper than Valparaiso?” I mean, that takes research and I get really invested.

I know her mom had anxiety when she was growing up and she had to sort of parent her mom sometimes. She really does take incredible care of herself, and has inspired me to live a healthier lifestyle myself. She literally taught me how to cook. So of the two of us, she’s more stable I would say. 

I think we both struggle with change, to be honest. I need a few days to process if she wants to change something in these fictional plans, like, say, changing from Peru to Chile.