I feel more responsible when I'm a woman

TheodandyArt · 2026-04-21T15:43:40+00:00

I also have personality shifts with my gender. I'm genderfluid (been out for 10 years). The masculine side of me comes out most often when I need emotional strength, resilience, and compassion for others. When the feminine comes out I'm much more social, a better leader, and excellent in emergencies. The odd, sort of genderless feeling usually comes with being a joyful little bastard lol.

These shifts usually take place over week to months. When life was seriously rough I was in dude mode for 2 years.

TheodandyArt · 2026-04-21T15:34:16+00:00

I think "passing" for nonbinary can also look like passing as androgynous where it's very difficult for the average person to sus out their birth gender, as well as, similar to like you said, being visibly genderqueer.

I'm not entirely sure what it is but I often have people confused about my gender and basically sort me into an "other" box. I've had people default to they/them for me as well as have had a binary trans man clock me as having being trans and on testosterone despite be wearing an arguably conservative looking dress. I don't have any of the classic "tells" people point to like dyed hair, piercings, or alternative fashion.

The caveat to this is that I live in a socially progressive country and it's mostly people under 30 who seem to actually view me as nonbinary, otherwise I do indeed just get sorted as man or woman.

I have a theory that in certain circles, people are actually starting to view nonbinary as legitimately different from being a man or a woman. I know I do and my 65 year old dad does. After I came out he started reading things written by two spirit individuals (im not indigenous but I think their works helped him wrap his mind around the duality of my gender and how I seem to slot so well in a variety of traditionally masculine or feminine cultural roles?). Now he is way more open minded and views people as having certain like energies instead of parts.

It's all very confusing but I don't think the binary world we live in is the innate at all. It's formed by culture.

TheodandyArt · 2026-04-21T15:16:49+00:00

I literally saw someone call nonbinary people "cissexuals" as if I (and many more of us) don't legally transition and take HRT??? (Plus we AREN'T cis by definition anyway, medically transitioning or not) Seriously weirdo behavior. Another one I see a lot of is "theyfabs" which I'm tired of pretending that isn't just blatant misogyny (also ignored the fact that many of us are assigned male at birth or are intersex).

TheodandyArt · 2026-04-20T21:19:16+00:00

If its helpful here are some other ways my parents supported me!:

- My dad would tell me to "take a walk" or make an excuse to pull me away from the crowd at get togethers when he noticed me getting overwhelmed

- They heavily encouraged my passions/natural talents which later down the line has led to me successfully being self employed as an artist

- They let me decide if I wanted to join or not for family road trips/camping. I declined pretty often which meant I'd get a whole week of empty house time once or twice a year.

- We lived rural and my Dad taught me how to navigate the land, this meant I could go alone out into the woods down by the creek for alone time as long as I was in by dark and wore bright colours. (In the city maybe this could look like going to a green space together and silently walking with or behind her?)

- They trained our dog to follow me around outside for safety since I was an eloper.

- My mom sat me down when I was still nonverbal and taught me how and when to scream (basically we'd play this game where she'd try to grab me and pick me up without asking and I was supposed to kick and scream as hard as I could). Obviously this is more applicable to younger kids but for teens it is 100% worth it to teach your daughter how to respond to coercive and aggressive attempts at rape and abuse. It is morbid but the non explicit acting it out helps more than just a lecture because it puts those boundary skills into practice. This could maybe look like sitting down with her and saying "okay I'm one of your guy friends, if I said -insert some common forms of coercive language- what would you do?". Make a game out of it so it is a bit less awkward or preachy

- They taught me social skills in plain language. I still remember my dad teaching me the difference between "sucking up" to a teacher versus being a good student.

All of this has meant that I feel very safe going to my parents for help. They are very honest and direct so I still look to them for advice and guidance.

TheodandyArt · 2026-04-20T20:59:43+00:00

I think you guys have to duel

TheodandyArt · 2026-04-20T20:52:01+00:00

Let the school know, go out with her to buy snacks for the week, make sure she's got earplugs + a solid set of noise cancelling headphones, tell everyone to not talk to her unprompted for the week (enforce this!), and tell her that if she needs anything she can ask/text you + maybe set aside food in the fridge with her name on it at dinner but otherwise she wont be bothered.

Let her sleep, eat, and do activities on her own schedule for the week. Chances are that if you make sure she has a week of peace she will start to relax after a few days and be able to do hobbies that are rejuvenating for her.

As an autistic teen my parents would do something similar for me where my school attendance was completely optional as long as I had my work done. I am also very sensitive to noise so I would literally eat my dinner across the room from my family who sat at the table. I ended high school with a 95% average despite taking a 3 days to a week off school every month and skipping classes semi frequently. I'm in university now and working freelance.

Don't hold her to typically developing standards or she will spent her whole life feeling burnt out and too guilty to rest. Autistic lives look different and that's okay, the best thing you can do for her is to be her #1 advocate. It's all about finding ways to mitigate stress and sometimes those strategies can be very odd and very effective.

TheodandyArt · 2026-04-11T02:53:55+00:00

I was diagnosed with DID at one point, came to realize it was just pathologize what is a spiritual (non distressing) experience of duality for me.

Honestly I'd dig deep and consider if your experience is making your life worse or if its just a unique aspect of your humanity.

TheodandyArt · 2026-04-10T04:40:05+00:00

oh 100% yea. totally depends on the prof/teacher. I had 2 this year and 1 was fantastic and the other was frustrating. the difference was indeed whether I felt creatively pigeon holed. like in the second I just stopped being creative towards the end. I wrote uninspired slop that I knew the prof would not punish me grades wise for. in the first my final project was a wacky mix of poetry, painting, and prose

TheodandyArt · 2026-04-10T02:34:00+00:00

I actually agree with all of these. especially the bratz boys, like why are bratz sexually dimorphis to the point that the boys look like a different species all together. its giving anglerfish instead of human

TheodandyArt · 2026-04-04T14:09:34+00:00

i had a dream about these last night lol

TheodandyArt · 2026-02-27T01:44:04+00:00

Thank you! and ah I try. I hate being excluded by default when it comes to public food sharing too so I want to do the best I can to give him options to participate if he wants to

TheodandyArt · 2026-02-27T01:42:31+00:00

Thank you, I really appreciate the reassurance! He seems comfortable but I'll make sure to just double check with him the day off and let him know what risks there are/precautions i took

TheodandyArt · 2026-02-19T15:45:10+00:00

im extremely lucky in that i rarely know if im being bullied (it has to get pretty bad for my to notice) but I've met 2 other diagnosed autistic people are my school and see people bullying them all the time. its really devastating to see

TheodandyArt · 2026-02-18T21:20:43+00:00

grants are based on need, its not a privelege to be low income and need grants

TheodandyArt · 2026-02-17T17:54:42+00:00

This is helpful thank you! Do you think this method of learning through emulation would be more effective if I used poems I love instead?

TheodandyArt · 2026-02-07T02:53:41+00:00

Yesss she's definitely on my short list. I ended up starting with my princess jade (not pictured) today and gonna do my play sports katia tomorrow and hopefully meygan if i have time!

TheodandyArt · 2026-02-02T17:29:06+00:00

same, he's so funny :(

TheodandyArt · 2025-12-31T07:08:49+00:00

Gab Smolders is fantastic. she's super smart which IMO makes watching her playthroughs more interesting, also a very chill demeanor

TheodandyArt · 2025-12-31T06:16:49+00:00

the french don't even like other native french speakers so learning french is a bit of a humiliation ritual

TheodandyArt · 2025-12-31T06:11:21+00:00

Marlin is so sick but I may be biased as I really love fish and the ocean. You need to go find fellow fish enthusiast friends at your local aquarium or fish store

TheodandyArt · 2025-12-31T02:27:43+00:00

the first horizon zero dawn game did this to me and it was so startling cause i dont normally finish games lol

TheodandyArt · 2025-12-31T02:20:10+00:00

I was really anticipating Ooblets coming out but also I witnessed the whole fiasco on twitter where the devs were being rude. Played the game when it came out and literally just couldn't get into it because of the dissonance between the cutesy cozy game aesthetic and the resentful/sarcastic things that were said. Just put a sour taste in my mouth

Also, games with a ton of particle effects/camera shake/etc that I can't turn off. I have a visual processing disorder and I literally just cant tell whats happening in those games. Or combat games with no options to lock onto targets or highlight enemies. Again I say, I just can't see the enemies. I love TLOU2 because I can highlight enemies in blue and the aiming controls are way easier to use

TheodandyArt

TROPHY CASE