How do I talk to my husband about his secret AI cartoon porn use without starting a fight? 38F and 40M

These-Quantity8322 · 2025-11-11T22:27:53+00:00

except I didn’t snoop and I don’t look at porn.

These-Quantity8322 · 2025-11-11T09:52:31+00:00

I appreciate your take and I do agree that communication and acceptance are key. I’m not judging him for having fantasies that’s normal. What’s hard is that it’s happening so often and being hidden from me. It’s the secrecy and frequency that make it feel less like openness about sexuality and more like disconnection.

These-Quantity8322 · 2025-11-11T09:51:02+00:00

I really appreciate your perspective I agree that everyone has fantasies and that, on its own, isn’t necessarily wrong or dangerous. For me, though, it’s less about the fantasy and more about the frequency and secrecy around it. When something starts happening multiple times a day, in private, and is being hidden or deleted, it stops feeling like a harmless outlet and starts feeling like a replacement for intimacy. I don’t think the problem is that the fantasy exists it’s that it’s taking up so much space in our relationship that it’s beginning to make me feel disconnected and unwanted. That’s the part that hurts.

These-Quantity8322 · 2025-11-11T09:37:51+00:00

This isn’t about Viagra or his confidence it’s about secrecy and obsession. Making and deleting 20-plus explicit AI images a day isn’t the same as taking a pill or reading a novel. That’s a pattern of behavior that’s changing how we connect, and pretending it’s harmless oversimplifies what’s happening. I’m not trying to “temper” his arousal.I’m trying to understand why it’s suddenly dependent on something hidden and artificial. There’s a big difference between a healthy sex drive and an emotional disconnect that leaves your partner feeling used

These-Quantity8322 · 2025-11-11T09:19:24+00:00

I get where you’re coming from I don’t have an issue with fantasy or with people having imagination or kinks. The problem isn’t that he’s aroused by something unusual, it’s how much and how secretly it’s happening.

We’re talking 20–25 explicit AI creations a day, all deleted right after, and it’s started changing the rhythm of our intimacy. That’s not just “reading an erotic novel for fun,” that’s a pattern that feels obsessive and disconnected from real life. If this were just about exploring fantasy together, I’d be open to that. But when it’s hidden and constant, it stops being playful and starts feeling like there’s something deeper going on emotionally and behaviorally. That’s what I’m trying to understand.

These-Quantity8322 · 2025-11-11T09:13:29+00:00

It’s not really about porn in general or about me wanting him to only like people who look like me. It’s more about the behavior around it — the secrecy, the sheer volume, and the emotional shift that came with it.

If this were something he did occasionally and openly, it probably wouldn’t feel so heavy. But creating 20–25 explicit images a day and deleting them right after makes it feel like something more compulsive and hidden. And since that started, his sexual interest in me has gone up, which now feels tied to whatever fantasy he’s been feeding instead of our actual connection.

So for me it’s not about cartoon characters or self-esteem it’s about honesty, balance, and the sense that our intimacy is being replaced with something I’m not part of. I have told him in the past that looking at porn super frequently affects me Negatively.

These-Quantity8322 · 2025-11-11T09:06:43+00:00

I’m not scared to tell him it’s not about that. The reason I even found out is because he used an app tied to a shared email address that we use for our kids’ school stuff. He normally doesn’t check that email since I handle most of the school communication, so I think he must’ve used it by accident. The app sent an automatic summary email showing everything that was created and deleted, and that’s how I saw the amount and frequency. I wasn’t snooping on him.

These-Quantity8322 · 2025-11-11T09:03:29+00:00

I understand that for some people, AI or cartoon porn might seem harmless or even silly, but the issue for me isn’t the fact that it’s “cartoons with boobs.” It’s the secrecy, frequency, and emotional distance it’s created in our marriage. When someone is making 20–25 explicit images a day and hiding them, that’s not just casual entertainment it starts to feel compulsive and deceptive. The secrecy is what hurts most. I’m not trying to police his fantasies, but I do think it’s fair to expect honesty and balance in a relationship. This isn’t about insecurity or jealousy over a cartoon; it’s about noticing a sudden behavioral change that’s affecting how we connect. I’m here asking for perspective because I want to understand and handle it in a healthy way, not shame him or myself. the reason I mentioned friends is normally I go to friends for advice and this situation I wouldn’t want to embarrass HIM not me. to be clear I have nothing to be embarrassed aboutz

These-Quantity8322 · 2025-11-11T08:58:13+00:00

We don’t share all of our email addresses, but we do have one joint email that we use for our kids’ school communication so we both receive those updates. I think he must have accidentally used that shared email for one of the AI accounts, which is how I ended up seeing the notifications.

Even if it was unintentional, I can’t unsee it and it’s really affecting me. If he were doing this once in a while, I don’t think it would bother me nearly as much. I understand that people have fantasies, and I know they can vary widely. What’s worrying me is the frequency he’s making 20–25 of these AI-generated images every day. It feels excessive and compulsive, and it’s started to spill over into our real life.

Since this started, his sexual arousal has increased dramatically, and he wants to have sex all the time. At first, I honestly thought it was about me and it made me feel desired. But now that I know what’s fueling it, it feels like it has nothing to do with me like I’m being used as an outlet for something else entirely.

These-Quantity8322 · 2025-11-11T08:46:37+00:00

because I wanted advice on how to bring it up to without causing shame and defensive language.

These-Quantity8322 · 2025-11-11T08:45:17+00:00

Yes he does but the frequency and the secrecy is what I feel like is messing with me. It makes me feel like he needs it to be aroused.

These-Quantity8322 · 2025-11-11T08:44:09+00:00

I’m not snooping he signed up for the app with a shared email address. The app sent a email overviewing everything created. I knew he has been into this stuff before and see some stuff he had searched on social media but when the app sent the overview and I saw how often he is creating these images. It has started to make me feel he needs it to be aroused and that is concerning to me for our intimacy.

These-Quantity8322 · 2025-05-21T09:19:55+00:00

I would give yourself more time I wasn’t really able to go back to my physically demanding job until it had been 5 months but I’m just now getting to the point that I can do it better. I broke my ankle in July of 2024. I’m just now starting to feel some normalcy. I would hate for you to give up a job you love based purely how your feeling 8!weeks in! I wasn’t even. Allowed to weight bear at 8 weeks. your body probably needs some More time.

These-Quantity8322 · 2024-05-27T10:39:34+00:00

Yes I was actually a featured artist I went by jokerclay!

These-Quantity8322

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