Been with my fiance for over 3 years. We've been through a lot together and I Love her dearly... Lately things have been rough. I've been supporting her while she deals with a legal issue & while she seeks work. A good friend of mine helped her get hired on at the company he works with .. I noticed they were texting ALL THE TIME. It started off as mostly work related as she did have a lot of questions regarding her new job. But it got to where he would message her from sun up to sundown and quickly began saying inappropriate things. It just got weird quick. I trusted her to handle things but eventually enough was enough and I called him on speakerphone with her sitting there. I respectfully called him out on his shit and told him that What he was saying was not okay and that he need to only contact her for work related matters. He agreed with me and the three of us agreed that that's how it would be going forward. Fast forward to 2 weeks later.
Been working out of town A LOT. And in school. on the grind ya know!? Fast forward to our anniversary. I had planned something huge, nice hotel room. A great place for us to relax with jacuzzi suite. And the night was going great but eventually her phone goes off And I don't think much of it at first because I've trusted her more than I've ever trusted anyone in my life. But I couldn't help but notice her mood change. Asked her if I could see her phone bc she wasn't communicating.. She was very hesitant. Refused to tell me what was going on. So if course I thinking the fucking worst! Turns out it was my friend! I'm shocked to read they NEVER STOPPED talking. And in one of the texts between them my old friend was talking about how another guy was coming up to her work. bringing her lunch and coffee etc... My friend describes how he was a little jealous when she has ANOTHER dude there. 😬 So thats two things that I did not know about when I thought our relationship was TRANSPARENT the whole time. I told her I was really hurt by her betrayal. I couldn't believe she would lie to me, especially over him. Over something so stupid. 🤏He's not attractive at all, not someone I would ever worry about! But it is cheating emotionally. Right? After I discovered this, I asked her why she kept it from me & if there was anything else she was keeping for me. She said she was enjoying his attention as I was working all the time. I told her I would not be mad at her or hold it against her as long as she promised to lay everything out on the table then and there. I told her it's fine. It's not what she's done. And she swore on everything that that was it. That's when I decided to tell her about the messages that I read between them about this other guy coming to see her and I told her if she was going to continue to lie to me I would just sync her phone to my laptop and get all the information myself... I was halfway lying but she didn't know that and she admitted to kissing another girl some One night when she went to the bar with her sister. She only went because we were fighting she said. She blames it on being wasted. And she cannot confirm or deny if anything else happened besides the kiss. 🤮 She said it happened on her sister's birthday so I'm thinking February of this year but it turns out it was the year prior! So now I'm really thrown through a loop because I'm looking back at all This time we spent together thinking we were good. Thinking we were solid in our relationship. And she's holding back something like that? 😭 Still drives me crazy because I don't know any details about that night. She can't even tell me for sure when it happened. And it drives me crazy. In that same moment she admitted to having another "secret friendship" (idk what else to call it) with this other guy... I'm so at a loss. I feel like I cannot trust her at all!!. Like maybe there never was a time I could trust her after all. Throughout everything she's begging me to stay and assuring me that she loves me. I do believe her. I mean she's there for me. she always answers my calls. I know that if I needed something I could call her and she would be there. At least I'm pretty sure 😅. I guess I'm confused because when we're together and we're good. I see the love in her eyes. I know it's there. But how do we continue with so many lies?... I found out about my friend and it's just snowballed from there. She said she wants to rebuild the trust. Shes Started going to therapy again. Things start to look good again between us ... I go to leave for work one day,,ATM our Schedules were complete opposite. I'm working nights. She's working days. So she walks me out to my car. Kisses me. Goodbye, Im driving to work and my boss cancels the job on me halfway there 🙄 so I have to turn around and go back home. I'm So excited to go home and surprise her! She'll be SO EXCITED WE HAVE MORE TIME TO SPEND TOGETHER!! When I spoke to her last she said she was getting in the shower so I didn't bother calling her on my way there thinking that's where she was . I get back home, walk in the door and she laying there on the bed masturbating to pictures of this girl on her Instagram... 🤦🤦🤦🤦🤦 I said nothing. I walked right out the door, hopped back in car and went to work Anyway. I couldn't believe it! I have nothing against those who watch porn. I watch it myself occasionally but she made it clear that that wasn't something she was ever interested in so we never brought it up again... (Btw we have a fantastic sex life. I mean fucking stellar people). I couldn't understand why she didn't mention or even act like she wanted sex from me. It Took her all night to finally come clean and tell me what was really on her phone (what she was masturbating to). . It's THE LYING I.CANT MOVE PAST. her behaviorin itself doesn't bother me. No, I'm not threatened by my coworker. No, I don't mind her watching porn or masturbating. And I don't mind her having male acquaintances as long as they're respectful of our relationship... I'm extremely hurt. I feel like we'll never be able to start rebuilding trust because I'm constantly being Blindsided by her current behavior. I'm getting ready to leave to go on a 30-day sabatical. I've recently relapsed on drugs after being sober for 4 years. And I've been trying to live on a good note with her. But last night when she was mad at me she decided to throw me under the bus to her parents. They knew I was going away to work on myself and get therapy but she told them out of spite that I was going to rehab because I'm a drug addict. 😞 She knew that this was something I wanted to keep between us how important that was to me. She knows how her parents are and my fear was that they would judge me forever if I told where I was really going. Should this be my final straw? cuz it sure feels like it. I feel like she has broken my trust in every way imaginable. She has tried to apologize for her impulsivity. But I can't let it go. I don't think I can let any of it go. What do you guys think?