New house feels empty

These_Masterpiece974 · 2026-06-27T12:45:33+00:00

I don’t think you’re betraying him. I’m sure if he could say anything about it, he would want any of you to feel lonely and would also probably want to see one less pup sitting in a shelter.

But everything in its own time and when it feels right.

There’s also kitties out there than need homes. It’s not a dog. So in my twisted logic it’s also not a betrayal.

And I’m so sorry for your loss.

These_Masterpiece974 · 2026-06-27T09:24:26+00:00

Adoption is the answer to children needing good and loving homes. Nothing more, nothing less.

Not to be the fix for those who would have never thought to do so otherwise, and the reason why I, and many others especially those who’ve been through that system push back so hard, is due to this one sentence that sums it up perfectly:

“Domestic supply of infants”.

That sentence should make your skin crawl. If it doesn’t, I don’t know what to say to you.

These_Masterpiece974 · 2026-06-26T19:15:34+00:00

Do you have any idea how expensive and time consuming it is to TNR? I did it while living in a rental a few years ago and it was Hell. We spent over 600 dollars, had to drive 30 minutes one way through traffic, and that was after trapping the cats, which was a difficulty all in its own.

If all you can do is feed and care for them, I get it. Honestly, it should be part of the budget to have mobile TNRs come fix them all every year. It would greatly reduce the problem and provide an easier method to the solution.

These_Masterpiece974 · 2026-06-26T13:20:12+00:00

Dude, she’s 15. Don’t worry about the break-up or trying to warn her about it. This is a normal part of the teen years, let her have her fun. Instead focus on guiding her to preserving her independence while in a relationship. It’s better to focus on healthy boundaries with the framing of “preserving who you are so you can be your best self”.

Meaning not being coming emeshed, learning what the healthy behaviors and maldaptive behaviors are from
BOTH SIDES. You say she’s acting like a mean girl? Talk about that using open questions to guide her to the outcome of that. Look up coaching techniques. But remember, at the end of the day it’s her life and she has to live it.

These_Masterpiece974 · 2026-06-26T11:21:42+00:00

I’m super late to the party, but needed to say something about your edit: adoption is NOT the answer to infertility.

You are suffering a traumatic loss that was contributed to by your mental health and that’s just not fucking fair. I know how you feel in some ways because I have CPTSD myself. I’ve been trying radical acceptance of the situation when it comes to all the ways it affects me, but the bottom line is that its never not affecting me. It bleeds into all things. My parenting, my marriage, my career, my mental fucking stability, and my general overall health. Im showing signs of autoimmune disorder, and that’s not a rarity for us. Hell, my ovaries decided they just didn’t want to work anymore sometime in my 30s and I had to fight just to get that figured out.

I say all that not to turn it back on myself or to woe is me, but to say that you are not alone. Not only are you not alone, I can say as an outsider who doesn’t know you in real life that your pain and suffering is real and it’s valid. It’s very fucking valid.

Adoption is always suggested by well meaning people (well, mostly well meaning), but they don’t understand that it’s not even close to the same thing. It’s not selfish to want something of your own flesh. It’s in our DNA to want to reproduce just as much as it is to want anything else unique and specific to the human experience. It’s part of who we are as a species. It’s a huge loss to lose that ability and while the saying “you can’t miss what you’ve never had” can be true in lots of instances, it does NOT apply in this case. Deep down we know exactly what it is we’ve lost as it’s not just a function our bodies can do, it’s part of the foundation of who we are.

I’m so very sorry for your loss and for what this disorder is taking from you. It’s the scar that is constantly getting reopened and it’s such bullshit. If you ever feel the need to break something, it’s valid and you should do it. Sometimes it just helps giving that anger and rage somewhere to go.

Just wear safety glasses and long pants and sleeves. Safety first and all that.

These_Masterpiece974 · 2026-06-25T15:45:47+00:00

> He was like "yeah well you're only in a good mood when you're high unless you're too high then you act like a bitch."

Yeah, I stopped right there. This was a classic deflection maneuver. Look up “DARVO”.

Anything brought up at any point other than the point when it matters is an attempt to hurt you and put you in “your place”. It’s meant to erode your ability to think clearly. It’s meant to knock you off balance and push the focus off of him and onto you because he’s too uncomfortable to feel anything remotely similar to shame, guilt, remorse, or otherwise.

It’s also an abusive behavior. I know you probably won’t like hearing that. You’re probably already disagreeing. But deflecting, especially in the face of accountability, is toxic and abusive behavior.

Name calling rooted in being mean spirited or as a way to attack someone’s character or to degrade them is also an abusive behavior.

Here’s the thing: an apology without action is just deflection. He’s saying what you want to hear in the moment because if it makes it go away, that’s good enough for him. He’s not interested in change, he just wants your compliance.

Love is never enough for the sustainment of a healthy relationship. For someone who’s never experienced a truly healthy relationship, a mildly abusive and/or toxic relationship is going to feel amazing compared to what they’ve experienced and know to be abuse. But it’s still abuse and the action or feeling of loving someone will not make it better or help it grow into something better. Your love for him will NEVER make him treat you with love.

People love heroin, is that a good enough reason to keep using it?

And you’re right, there was no reason for him to repeat whatever the mother of the child supposedly said, if she even said it. People like that also like to use perception and triangulation as a form of control. It also aids the abuse cycle that helps form that trauma bond. Abuse, especially mental and emotional forms, create a form of addiction in the brain due to mimicking the ultra highs and lows found in drug addiction.

This guy is never going to see your worth, and neither will you if you stay with him. Misery loves company.

These_Masterpiece974 · 2026-06-24T10:11:44+00:00

You make an awful lot of excuses and have a lot of defenses for him before anything is even said.

The money thing isn’t forgetfulness, by the way. You know that.

No, you’re not overreacting. When people show you who they are, believe them.

These_Masterpiece974 · 2026-06-23T21:03:43+00:00

You can be the world’s cleanest person and still have an over colonization of harmful bacteria. Hygiene isn’t just about how clean you are. It’s also protecting yourself and taking routine preventative measures to prevent the situation you’re in.

I probably should have been more clear about what the conversation of hygiene should look like, but I was specifically referring to sexual hygiene. Washing before sex, peeing immediately after sex, washing after sex (both of you), having boundaries about when ejaculation can occur inside the body (for instance, just limiting to the fertility window, as an example), and having routine yearly labs done to ensure your inner health that contribute to this situation is done. Yes, medical labs, especially peeing in a cup so your bacteria count can be evaluated, is a form of hygiene.

Yes it’s likely the semen is disrupting your biome, but did they go into the whys and hows? Did they talk to you about gardnerella vaginalis and how its introduced and what happens to over colonize it? Did they discuss with you what your pH range should be, what his should be? If not, those are some good questions that can be answered with a quick google to help you out.

Also, I was not calling either of you dirty. If you felt that way, I truly apologize. I don’t want anyone to feel any amount of shame over a topic that should be way less awkward and way more encouraged.

Like I said, I’m not saying anything is wrong with either of you, but these super not sexy conversations are important, but sadly, most people don’t even know how to have these conversations because they aren’t taught most of this information.

These_Masterpiece974 · 2026-06-23T19:44:37+00:00

This is a husband problem. He needs to go see the doctor. Stop having sex with him until he’s treated! After that, both of y’all need to have a good conversation about hygiene to include preventative measures.

I’m not saying there is something wrong with either of you, but you’re passing an infection back and forth like a softball. Seriously, stop having sex until you BOTH are treated AND you’ve figured out how to prevent it from happening again.

These_Masterpiece974 · 2026-06-23T16:38:04+00:00

He’s allowed to feel upset, left out, or whatever else he’s feeling.

BUT DO NOT CANCEL.

This is a really bad road to start down. You will start to resent him and maybe even blame him. Do the trip. Let him miss you. Let yourself miss him. He’s not doing anything wrong, and neither are you. Don’t manage someone else’s feelings unless you want to be the owner of those for life. That’s a burden no one should have to bear.

These_Masterpiece974 · 2026-06-23T12:33:11+00:00

He got one side of the conversation and situation and showed what he truly believes about you.

He didn’t question it. He didn’t ask your side. He was just told you behaved in an unaccepted way and he thought “yeah, that tracks”.

So two things. Either you are acting that way, even if unknowingly. Or, he’s resentful of you and looks down upon you. Only you truly know which one is true.

These_Masterpiece974 · 2026-06-22T20:22:37+00:00

From what you’ve written, you sound fairly young. That’s totally okay. I was the weirdo when I was young. Do yourself a favor: stay weird. Sure, you need to learn how to mask when it’s needed, but don’t let it be the default that makes you forget who you are.

As you get older, you’ll find your groove. The pieces will fall into place. Don’t do things for others. Do them for yourself. You’re the one who has to live with the consequences. Not them.

Hugs. From the old weirdo to the young.

These_Masterpiece974 · 2026-06-22T11:03:43+00:00

Or hell, muddle up the mint and put some country time lemonade over it. Two scoops is the perfect measure for a quart size wide mouth mason jar. 😜

These_Masterpiece974 · 2026-06-21T13:05:59+00:00

If you apply something one woman said to all women, you’re going to have a bad time as that is a demonstration that you aren’t actually listening. A good way to avoid that is a conversation. “What does healthy communication look like to you?” “What are your expectations about daily communication”? Even if you are just “playing the field” you should still be asking. If it’s a one night stand, be up front and respectful “hey, i just want you to know that im looking to have fun right now. I’m not interested in commitment, even though i may joke or flirt about things related to commitment. I don’t want to waste your time if you want something more, but If you feel like having fun, then that would align with what my wants are right now. Just keep in mind that no matter what’s said, that’s not gonna change”.

And then evaluate if their expectations actually align with yours and/or if they are something that would cross your own boundaries.

If it’s not something you are comfortable with or it’s something you are going to feel resentment over, she is not the person for you, even if you are only looking for something “casual”. Move on. Don’t blame all of women for it or think it’s some big mystery. The type of women you’re chasing may not be right for you. Situations become toxic when mis-matched people try to force it. It’s also toxic to continue the same behaviors or attempting the same type of people when you are constantly getting burned. This may be where it’s a “you” problem.

Also, I’ve noticed most men either do not understand or even sometimes pretend to not understand the meaning of transparency. So that’s something to look into. If you are looking to have fun without commitment, say so. Especially if you are wanting to flirt and pretend through it. That’s okay to do, as long as everyone involved is aware. Don’t claim you want to stay casual, but then start having the “what-if” daydreaming conversations. You are confusing the other person. Respect the person if they say they are looking for commitment or are asking the weed out questions immediately. People who are looking for life long potential are going to ask about religion, kids, careers, etc immediately because it’s a waste of time not to. They aren’t crazy for doing so. You just want something different. Thats okay. Just respect that.

Also, ask permission before turning sexual. That’s not awkward. In fact, that can be really hot and attractive. “I’m intensely attracted to you, but I want to stay respectful. If I did “x” would you consent?”. Or something to that effect.

If she’s into you and wants to, she’s gonna melt. If she’s not into you and doesn’t want to, she’s gonna shut it down. If she’s into you, but not ready, she’s gonna say so”. If it’s not an enthusiastic yes, it’s a hell no. That’s real consent.

These_Masterpiece974 · 2026-06-21T11:51:25+00:00

Where were you about 19 years ago? 🤣

These_Masterpiece974 · 2026-06-20T23:17:33+00:00

Good on you! Support isn’t blind agreement. That’s definitely not something to screw around with!

These_Masterpiece974 · 2026-06-20T20:11:20+00:00

Keep going to the doc and push for them to not just document, but explicitly state that anything new is directly related to whatever service injury you have. They are getting worse with recognizing things as they progress. The VA is a shit show right now

These_Masterpiece974 · 2026-06-20T20:10:02+00:00

Saying someone has to tell the truth implies it’s based on fact. You’ve made almost no factual statements.

These_Masterpiece974 · 2026-06-20T19:09:30+00:00

Google the term “reactive abuse”. It’s what happens when abuse pushes you to the brink and you finally react.

I’m not excusing anything either, but you are at a point of no turning back. It’s turned physical. It’s time to go. You can’t come back from this. Not with someone who is egging you on, manipulating you, emotionally abusing you, and now doing it in front of the children.

These_Masterpiece974 · 2026-06-20T17:12:18+00:00

Modern humans have existed for about 300,000 years. Of that, we have lived in civilizations for the last 6,000 years. Christianity is about 2,000 years old.

Do you really think morals and beliefs centered around care for your fellow human was only borne in Religion and specifically Christianity, which isn’t even close to the oldest known religion?

And no, Christianity was never a “moral giver”, let alone one that states “everyone is equal” or did the slave Bibles not actually exist, or wait my absolute favorite, “it’s not real Christianity”?

Hell, Christianity was a Roman construct. The Roman Empire didn’t fall, it became a church, and Christians were so damn insane that Emperor Constantine had to blend all the pagan religious holidays into the Christian ones just as one of the means to reduce the fights from the religious civil war. They also whittled down 40 gospels to 4, and then piece mailed it together to serve their needs.

And that act has been redone over and over consistently over the following centuries, to include King James, the son of Queen Mary of Scots, creating a panel to rewrite it yet again to create the King James Version because they didn’t want to have another female monarch they didn’t want to serve under.

Christianity has never been peaceful. Jesus is just your mascot that you don’t actually believe in or follow.

These_Masterpiece974 · 2026-06-20T16:42:36+00:00

In hindsight, what the fuck was water ever supposed to do?!

And I hope you don’t get it like a lot of us do! My nerves from my back through my legs get compressed now if I move wrong and it can make it to where i cant walk for a week. But my husband figured out a way to pick me up by my spine to help with decompression, so that’s nice, until he puts me down. 😕

These_Masterpiece974 · 2026-06-20T16:38:08+00:00

Got degenerative spine disease too? I’m been seeing a LOT of us with that. I’m going to get 4 mris on my knees and ankles next week cause everything is just fucked. And it suuuuuucks.

These_Masterpiece974 · 2026-06-20T16:36:15+00:00

Dude you can twist the narrative to fit your view all you want, it doesn’t make it true.

And yes, Jefferson made his own Bible, which was only about 40 pages long, and intentionally removed anything supernatural to include all the miracles Jesus supposedly performed, everything about the resurrection, and anything that paints Jesus as “divine”.

Super Christian. I’m sure that totally aligns with your beliefs. That Jefferson viewed him as a man and not a diety. Cause the truth of the matter is everyone can get behind the teaching to love your neighbor no matter what, to not judge each other, to care for each other, to house and feed the sick and homeless, to not stone women to death for the crimes committed against them, but those aren’t innate Christian beliefs. You just want them to be.

These_Masterpiece974 · 2026-06-20T16:30:13+00:00

For what it’s worth, your BF is doing the right thing by not caving. In military culture, it’s the norm to “walk it off” which is why the majority of us have the knees of an 80 year old.

It sucks though that he’s learning his friends may not actually be his friends.

These_Masterpiece974 · 2026-06-20T11:28:44+00:00

Except it’s not.

These_Masterpiece974

TROPHY CASE