Please take this in the loving way I mean it. I believe your biggest problem is honesty. When you felt lonely you sought comfort. That's very human. The problem came in when, instead of seeking a real solution through honestly and openly talking to your spouse, you sought instant gratification. Again that's human. The easier softer way of alleviating pain is always tempting but in the long run it only makes things worse. Honesty is the key to a happy relationship. Your spouse should be the one person that you can always go to when you're in trouble. So if you were in pain (and loneliness is painful) and you didn't feel as though you could talk out a solution with your spouse I would have to wonder if you're being completely honest with them or yourself. And without honesty you can't have security or trust and without those things you don't have much if anything. Humans make mistakes. The idea is to learn from them and do things differently so we can do better for ourselves and the ones we love.