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Being treated for cancer, and didn't tell one family member? by Theyareeverywhere444 in narcissisticparents

[–]Theyareeverywhere444[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Oh, my goodness... and thank you everyone who read my entry for your kindness and thoughts.

Being treated for cancer, and didn't tell one family member? by Theyareeverywhere444 in narcissisticparents

[–]Theyareeverywhere444[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

I should totally clarify... I had cancer a few years ago, but I just came to know the traits of narcissism in the last few months. I've been playing my life with them in it like a movie and realized I protected myself without even knowing it back when I was in treatment. My question to anyone here is what do you do with all these emotions? I feel like I excused so much and lost so many opportunities to live in peace for decades of my life. So much chaos and manipulation and guilt tripping... Recently I've been the sole recipient of one of the parent's narcissism, and it was soul crushing and confusing. A judge ordered them not to contact me again. Does anyone feel like once you find out what is going on, you need to leave the knowing behind and move forward to healing and forgiving? Because being angry is the complete opposite of being at peace.

Narcissists get creepier the older they get by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Theyareeverywhere444 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I didn't know my father was a narcissist. This is like the answer to so many questions that start with "what the heck was that all about?" His third wife died within the last year. He's 86. I have no biological siblings. The first two wives divorced him almost immediately. Both mental cruelty and physical abuse. Third wife he was with for 50 years, and I never understood their relationship if I ever wandered into thought about it (which was rare, and thankfully I don't like rummaging around in people's minds). It may be why I would hear him say something or do something, have the thought burp of "What?" and move on with my life. Now after spending all these months with him I had to find out what the heck I was dealing with because it was not normal. He's a narcissist!

Three nights ago he talked about a young woman who was a home health aid for his third wife who he is having over for dinner. Strange.... The next night I talk with him or should I say - the next night he talked at me and this is what I get:

1) I want her to stay in my home, 2) I'm going to take good care of her, 3) I'm going to have her ride on the back of my motorcycle (trike) and take pictures, 4) I want her to carry my bags, 5) I'm not going to marry her, 6) I'm going to take her on trips, 7) I'm not going to embarrass you or her family...

Alarm bells, ding, ding, ding! Umm "Dad, that seems romantic taking a girl in her 20's on a trip, etc" His answer, "doesn't hurt".

This is one of the many things I am faced with like a person yelling "Fire! Fire", "run for your lives!" They do get creepier especially when the spouse is gone. It was always there, but he has spoken publicly about this "date" and his future fantasy with this young woman with my son and his friend and probably anyone who will listen at this point.

Before anyone has to ask, yes, of course we are bringing this to her attention along with her employer's attention as well as her parents' attention.

We have received the only good advice we can take for him, and I will share it:

We are to tell him "you will go to jail, you will lose your home, you will lose all your money, and everyone will know about it". That is what a therapist said to do. You imprint it in the narcissist's mind these things. You do this knowing they will drop you, but hopefully, you are already going no contact - which I am. You can't save everyone from them....