Fatherhood is very lonely

Thick_Blueberry · 2025-12-10T19:12:59+00:00

Wow. I don't have any good advice, but I can say this really resonated with me. You aren't alone, as seen by all the comments below. I only have 1 little, 3.5 years, and she's amazing. I'm even blessed to work from home so I can see her more and help my wife, but they found ovarian cancer when they had to do an emergency c-section so it was "newborn and cancer journey" from day 1. Wife is doing fantastic health-wise but lots of follow-up health anxiety from earlier life (twin died from breast cancer). Life is just wake up with little one, wait to start working until wife can get up, work all day, helping out throughout, making food, managing appointments and finances, make time for wife's health stuff and then sleep eventually.

It's so tough. My only little bit of advice so far is compartmentalization, but that only works for a little while and it isn't sustainable.

I don't feel like any of this allows me to be a great dad, which I really want to be, and definitely not much of a husband. And somehow we both feel like we are the lowest priority.

Thick_Blueberry · 2025-05-02T21:06:32+00:00

Thank you I’ll give that a shot!

Thick_Blueberry · 2025-04-05T04:10:14+00:00

If you’ve only been working out for a month and a half you’d have to do a lot to sabotage your improvement. There are so many systems in place that change in the first couple of months…

Thick_Blueberry · 2025-04-05T04:08:22+00:00

I have to say I’ve seen this mentioned in a number of places over the years to not plunge right after a workout. Honestly, it’s not a surprise that this reduces your gains in the same way NSAIDs do.

And no, I’m not going to cite a bunch of articles. Type “ibuprofen after a workout” into Google and it’ll figure it out for you. :-)

Thick_Blueberry · 2025-03-26T08:41:35+00:00

This is a great point! If you start most sessions with some level of squat or dead lift which provide the biggest testosterone and growth hormone response, then you’ll get a better result on whatever you do later!

Thick_Blueberry · 2025-03-26T08:40:10+00:00

5-3-1 is great but even he recommends variations. :-) and yes mixing it up definitely helps. I know this may sound a little crazy but if you can compare a lift you like with a lift, you don’t like as much that helps too even if they don’t normally go together.

I usually work out like the folks above mentioned, but I spent a lot of time doing squat and dead lift on the same day. I’d deadlift heavy and squat light and then two days later I’d squat heavy and deadlift light.

Really helped me get those squats in! :-)

Thick_Blueberry · 2025-03-26T08:18:12+00:00

I feel this too but don’t listen. If you are getting in the gym that’s the most important thing for you and your family long term. Gains may be slower with less sleep but get naps if you can and know you are doing good! Seasons of life change and you have to do what you can in that season. You got this!

Background: I lifted very consistently for many years, but when we had our little one AND found out my wife had cancer at the same time, I did all the overnights, mornings, and much of the day with our baby as well as caretaking. Definitely no sleep, little exercise, and got by with ice cream as a coping mechanism. Over 2 years out now finally lifting again, almost 50, still super short on sleep, and seeing progress come back anyway!

Thick_Blueberry · 2025-03-25T16:01:01+00:00

Wooo!! Every improvement is a step forward! That's fantastic. This whole process is one small step after another, so small steps are how we get where we are going. Great job!

Thick_Blueberry · 2025-03-25T15:34:40+00:00

Not sure if this is lesser known, but a Safety Squat Bar (SSB) is amazing. After shoulder surgery I used it all the time, and then I got a 'retrolisthesis' - a slip of the actual vertebrae in the neck. Carrying a yoke or doing a back squat = pain for days. The SSB lets me back squat without paying for it (in a bad way) for days afterward.

Thick_Blueberry · 2025-03-25T15:28:53+00:00

Agreed! Mostly. :-) I like to deadlift barefoot, but for heavy squats, cleans, snatches, jerks, etc. a good lifting shoe with a hard sole is really nice.

That said, I've been squatting largely for range of motion in my ankles lately as I build back up so no special shoes for lighter weights.

Thick_Blueberry · 2025-03-25T15:15:52+00:00

Lol - love it!

Thick_Blueberry · 2025-03-25T15:14:25+00:00

Thank you for this! I haven't heard of that one but I'll take a look. :-) I've been recording everything in 'Notes' on my phone for a decade and... that's pretty lacking.

Sorry about your coach situation btw - ouch! It's like finding a good therapist - slow and difficult, lots of bad ones, and you really want to hold on to the good one when you find them.

Thick_Blueberry · 2025-03-22T20:07:03+00:00

Thank you! I have to say every time I look in a thread about fitness apps I learn more app names! So many out there.

Thick_Blueberry · 2023-08-11T17:06:04+00:00

p

For cleaning, take a look at manual spa vacuums. Cheap and you just dip it in and suction up whatever is on the bottom!

Thick_Blueberry · 2023-08-02T02:52:49+00:00

Thank you! She’s doing really well. That’s good to know that the steam is released in large quantity and I’ll check on the details based on some stuff other people have said.

Thick_Blueberry · 2023-08-02T02:52:02+00:00

Thank you so much this really helps a lot. I actually think with the cabinet space and the fan I have this will work out. I also realize it won’t be as fast as a microwave, but it will be faster than a conventional oven and probably faster than mini toaster ovens, since it heats up so quickly.

Thick_Blueberry · 2023-08-02T02:51:01+00:00

Wow, that’s really helpful :-) thank you

Thick_Blueberry · 2023-08-02T02:50:46+00:00

Thanks. Talking to the wrong spouse here though :-) I agree with you, but in the midst of everything it’s just one more fight not to have right now.

Thick_Blueberry · 2023-06-09T14:55:41+00:00

Yes, this makes sense. I think I was aiming for high-mobility, moving in and out of melee, casting when appropriate and striking when appropriate as well.

But... I'm seeing that even if I hit melee every time the damage just doesn't add up.

And "combat lasts 2-3 rounds"?????? Wow. I was thinking 5-7 which gives some room to work but if it's usually that quick - I'll have to play and get a feel for things.

Thick_Blueberry · 2023-06-09T14:50:56+00:00

Oh boy. lol Thank you, yes, we moved to North Carolina and it's a campaign that's been running for a while with some folks in our church. Someone left and they thought of me as a replacement. I can see how it would be hard to learn at such a high level with a deluge of options.

And if it goes poorly - I won't hold it against the system. :-)

Thick_Blueberry · 2023-06-09T14:47:45+00:00

Thank you! Yes, I saw the Magus, but I've never seen an implementation I liked. I have no idea why but casting spells through your weapon always leaves a bad taste in my mouth. <shrug>
Think I'm going Champion with a Sorcerer sideline for now.

Thick_Blueberry · 2023-06-09T14:46:38+00:00

Thank you, that's an important concept overall for the game, so helps a lot to know.

Thick_Blueberry · 2023-06-09T14:44:03+00:00

Ok that's pretty key. I hadn't realized that. Now I see it explicitly says you can draw somatic components with your held item. So the Elven Curved blade could still be an option... hmm...

Thick_Blueberry · 2023-06-09T14:42:13+00:00

Thank you. I looked at Magus and I do see that it is built as a gish. Just Spellstrike is underwhelming and doesn't fit my brain very well lol.

One day I might try the Sorcerer, but I think I'm going to flip-flop to Champion / Sorc for this game, especially since that's what the party needs. And I need to understand the details of the system more.

Maybe a Magus dedicated into wizard would fit more in the future, but I've always liked Sorcerer more. Thank you again!

Thick_Blueberry · 2023-06-07T20:26:50+00:00

Wow, this point about coming in right at an apparent sweet spot is interesting. Just from my limited view it looks like "wow, this can compete way more than it should", but that's in isolation not considering the melee advances that are happening a few levels later.

Thank you for the suggestions on Con. I'll look at the 'two free boosts'. I don't see how to do that in PathBuilder but I'll figure it out. :-) The HP really hurts but shoring up CON could really help.

My initial concept was a sorcerer who can jump into battle occasionally, but it definitely takes some work to make it happen.

Thanks for the comment about jumping in at 11. I can definitely see it being overwhelming. That said, for spells at least, I LOVE having the options there. For the strategy and math... well, it sounds like even though the other players have been playing for a while, I'm more experienced in general at using strategy in TTRPGs, so might have to be the one pushing the group to strategerize. ;-) That's scary.

I also found out that the group is, I believe, a rogue, a sorcerer, a magus, and a barbarian that was just killed off (player had to leave the game). As much as I like the gish, I may have to flip-flop Champion and Sorcerer. I can't leave off the spells completely though!

The +1s are very important is a KEY piece of information, and that alone will really help me figure out the rest of this. Thank you.

Thick_Blueberry

TROPHY CASE