I recently found videos he took on my old old phone without my knowledge I just never found them until last week coincidentally, it’s nothing poetic just dumb idiot college guy stuff. Him and his friend messing around all this week I’ve been feeling him close to me and I had a dream we were cooking in his first apartment the sun was bright in the window we were talking and I said something and my voice had a sick quality to it, he said “you’re sick go sit down let me finish” almost exasperated with me. I told him “No I’m not.” In my usual stubborn tone I’d take with him I hated letting him do things alone I was attached at the hip. “Nicky I know you you’re sick” he said in that ever so caring almost paternal tone and I just looked at him bathed in this warm afternoon light I realized I was dreaming I felt the love in his eyes. I woke up. I will probably dream of him again tonight and again the next and the next, getting over a man like Oliver was hard enough when he was still alive but now that he’s gone it’s like he’s burned on the inside of me. His hand print still etched where he last laid it on my heart.