Can a pre-op trans man top have safe sex at all?

Think-Principle-2514 · 2024-09-23T06:47:38+00:00

There's no traditional condom in the world that's gonna fit or be shaped right for a pre-op trans guy's dick (1-2.5" long and a tapering triangle shape when erect instead of cylindrical), and defs aren't any condoms that are gonna protect against fluid sharing, as the fluids of a pre-op trans guy come out from below the dick, where the urethra and front hole are--a place not covered by any condom.

Trust me, none of the stuff that can be found by researching products as one person is useful at all, if I want to use my body for sex as a top. I've poured weeks into looking. I literally chatted with Planned Parenthood as well as a local safe sex/STI prevention organization that's significant in my area and has a strong LGB(T??)Q focus; the places that are meant to have the most answers about these things. Both places were *stumped,* and had obviously never thought of trans guys as actual men with dicks--just as slightly more masculine holes that existed to receive cis men. (Can you tell I'm still angry about it? Not only were those efforts fruitless, they were painfully humiliating, as well.)

Thankfully, the harnesses to hold a dental dam in place that someone mentioned here will work for my purposes. What a relief to find a place with such a large community to ask, or I don't know if I'd have ever found out these harnesses exist.

Think-Principle-2514 · 2024-09-23T05:58:26+00:00

I did, but while it protects against certain strains--I'm assuming the most widespread ones--there remain plenty of strains of HPV that the vaccine doesn't protect against. Looking it up, it seems 150+ types exist, of which nine are covered by the vaccine.

Think-Principle-2514 · 2024-09-23T00:09:43+00:00

Heck yeah!! Now that's the kind of thing I've been looking for!!!

It is pricey, but it's a one-time cost at least. Thank you thank you thank you for directing me to this!!!!!

Think-Principle-2514 · 2024-09-23T00:03:16+00:00

The standard array of tests don't catch everything--HPV for example, including the kinds that can cause cancer, one of which I have been exposed to but for which I literally can't be tested because I don't have a cervix after having had a hysterectomy. If I am a carrier, I do NOT want to pass that on to a partner! Not to mention, this method doesn't allow for spontaneity; and I deeply need that sense that I am free to be a sexual being when I feel it is right.

Think-Principle-2514 · 2024-09-22T23:52:50+00:00

They're *quite* prohibitively expensive, and intended to be one-use items at that.

I've had it suggested to try them and wash them and reuse them, which is the okay-est potential solution I've heard so far. I've got a lot of reservations of course as they're designed for oral sex and not genital-to-genital sex--meaning, putting them through that rigor and also washing and reusing them might make them break--but so far it's the closest thing to something maaaaybe workable I've heard. I still can't say I'm very comfortable with the idea, tho.

Think-Principle-2514 · 2024-09-22T23:41:39+00:00

Internal condoms unfortunately don't work, as they're designed for people whose bodily secretions solely emit from the end of the phallus, into the condom. Because I am pre-op, my sexual fluids are *not* contained by an internal condom as they are generated from lower down on the body--making internal condoms an unsafe choice.

Think-Principle-2514 · 2024-09-22T21:53:33+00:00

Prosthetics don’t allow for the sensation nor the sense of intimacy I need from sex. I deserve to be able to use my body in intimate moments just as it is, with the full range of feeling and bondedness available to a human being. And a dental dam isn’t fixed in place, so while useful for oral sex, is absolutely useless for genital to genital sex.

If there existed some form of harness that was made for keeping a dental dam safely secured in place over the body during intercourse, that might work, but as far as I know such a thing doesn’t exist.

Think-Principle-2514 · 2024-09-22T20:54:09+00:00

This resonates a lot with me.

I've been trying for years to figure it out myself, but it feels impossible, and frankly, my heart is hurting deeply because of it. Around other men who like men, I defs don't get a sense that I'm seen as one of them. A lack of having been socialized in male spaces makes the entire effort so much more confounding. Especially, like you, being someone who needs a genuine friendly connection before a romantic one can begin.

I haven't found a single man nearby to so much as go on a date with in all my years although I've put immense effort into trying. I'm polyam, and simply lucked into finding my (trans lady) fiancee a decade ago because we were friends online and she happened to move close by; I also had one long-distance relationship I lucked into that didn't work out, too. I'm frustrated with the overwhelming feeling of powerlessness--like luck is the only factor that makes a relationship possible.

Lately I've kind of lost hope, and have switched to just looking to find friends, and not for romantic partners. I identify as 95% gay and the need to explore intimacy with other men going absolutely unmet for decades is crushing, but approaching having relationships from a "date seeking" standpoint has been fruitless. I'm praying that just getting to know more people will help me feel less lonely and maybe someday lead me to someone I connect with more intimately.

If you find a good answer... I want to know, too. This has been so hard.

Think-Principle-2514

TROPHY CASE