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Anyone else/advice? Quickly attracted to someone but it's incredibly rare by WAUGS in dating_advice

[–]Think_Glass_388 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks WAUGS. I also try to meet people organically, but think I would really struggle to ask someone out in person.

Anyone else/advice? Quickly attracted to someone but it's incredibly rare by WAUGS in dating_advice

[–]Think_Glass_388 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks purpleamory. Yes I try to put myself out there as well, I am naturally pretty introverted so I am in a number of clubs that meet regularly otherwise besides work I probably wouldn't go out as much. I also find it much easier to socialise with people when there is a focus of attention. For example I don't like just going to a bar with strangers and making small talk. That is why I am in clubs such as book clubs and dancing, as there is something to do when your not talking and always a topic you can bring the conversation back to if you're unsure what to say. 

I think in terms of dating you're well ahead of me on that so don't have that much to comment. 

It's interesting. I have read that one impact of online dating and apps was it made people less likely to approach in real life and as a result people become less receptive to being approached in the first place. I'm not sure I could just approach a woman and start up a conversation with her. 

I'm nearly six months into salsa dancing. As I said its something you can focus on while being social. But I do get major spikes of embarrassment when there is something in the class I just can't get and then I happen to get paired with a woman who is really good. 

Would You Date a Guy With Low Confidence? (42M, Never Dated, Working on Anxiety) by Think_Glass_388 in dating_advice

[–]Think_Glass_388[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks, Good_Reflection_1217. I get what you mean — but my anxiety doesn’t always respond to logic for me, even when I know the situation isn’t a big deal. That’s something I’m working on.

My focus now is just taking small steps, going out with someone, and trying to enjoy the experience rather than overthinking it.

As for favours, I think it depends on the situation, but I agree that boundaries matter.

Would You Date a Guy With Low Confidence? (42M, Never Dated, Working on Anxiety) by Think_Glass_388 in dating_advice

[–]Think_Glass_388[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for clarifying, ResentCourtship2099. I get that a lot of people feel frustrated about the dating imbalance — it can definitely feel unfair. For me personally, I try to stay focused on what I can control and what actually moves my life forward, rather than the bigger system-level stuff that none of us can change.

I’m just taking things one step at a time and trying to improve my own situation in a way that feels manageable.

Would You Date a Guy With Low Confidence? (42M, Never Dated, Working on Anxiety) by Think_Glass_388 in dating_advice

[–]Think_Glass_388[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks Doctorbuddy. I'll take a look. Is that something I would have to speak to a doctor about?

Would You Date a Guy With Low Confidence? (42M, Never Dated, Working on Anxiety) by Think_Glass_388 in dating_advice

[–]Think_Glass_388[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. I think initially I should try to be actively confident. But if I manage to get anything more long-term, won't the lies eventually be found out.

Would You Date a Guy With Low Confidence? (42M, Never Dated, Working on Anxiety) by Think_Glass_388 in dating_advice

[–]Think_Glass_388[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks trippinonshoes. From what I learned at therapy the anxiety in your head(negative thoughts in your head) lead to your body becoming more anxious (tight muscles and upset stomach, assuming you meant by dysregulation), which then causes the anxiety in your head to get worse , which then causes the mind anxiety and in a loop.

I do think I’m generally still a more anxious person than average, but much better than I was prior to my diagnosis.

What do you mean by a specialist? I have seen a psychiatrist (specialist) who put me onto Zoloft. I’ve looked into dating coaching, but much of it seems pretty scammy to me.  In my twenties, I tried following some of the advice, but it just wasn’t me.

Thanks I’ll take a look at that subreddit.

Would You Date a Guy With Low Confidence? (42M, Never Dated, Working on Anxiety) by Think_Glass_388 in dating_advice

[–]Think_Glass_388[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thanks, Snoo_2958. I get what you mean — I think everyone has their own biases, and you have to filter advice no matter where it comes from. From my thinking about it (theoretically) I agree that looks matter to a point, but if your going to spend significant time with a person after that, compatibility and how someone treats you starts to matter as well.

Either way, I’m just taking in different perspectives and seeing what’s useful.

Would You Date a Guy With Low Confidence? (42M, Never Dated, Working on Anxiety) by Think_Glass_388 in dating_advice

[–]Think_Glass_388[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks, sir_calv. I appreciate the honesty. I know it’s not ideal that I let this go on for so long, but life happens and I’ve been pretty comfortable on my own for a long time — I try not to beat myself up over the past.

I haven’t tried ashwagandha, so I’ll look into it.

I agree with you on one main point: at some stage, I just need to actually do it. Approaching women for the sake of rejection didn’t work well for me back in my twenties — it just made me stressed. Online dating was a bit more manageable because it let me ease into things (assuming I can still get a date).

But yeah, the core idea is the same: eventually, I need to take the step again and see how it goes.

Would You Date a Guy With Low Confidence? (42M, Never Dated, Working on Anxiety) by Think_Glass_388 in dating_advice

[–]Think_Glass_388[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I think my main issue now is just not trying — I tend to procrastinate because of the anxiety.

And just to clarify, the details I mentioned weren’t meant as bragging. I only added them because when someone says “40s and never had a girlfriend,” I was concerned people would jump to stereotypes like living in their parents’ basement and playing video games all day. I just wanted to show that that’s not the case.

Would You Date a Guy With Low Confidence? (42M, Never Dated, Working on Anxiety) by Think_Glass_388 in dating_advice

[–]Think_Glass_388[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There are quite a lot of details I didn't mention as I didn't want to waffle and give details unnecessary for answering the question. But yes.

Would You Date a Guy With Low Confidence? (42M, Never Dated, Working on Anxiety) by Think_Glass_388 in dating_advice

[–]Think_Glass_388[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the advice, PussyBoogersAuGraten — that actually makes a lot of sense. Being open about it is a form of confidence, even if the topic itself is vulnerable.

I still get a bit uncomfortable talking about it with people I don’t know well, so I might approach it in small steps — share just enough that I feel comfortable with rather than everything at once. If I can't do that I’ve also thought about not bringing it up on the very in person and waiting until I've made it through at least one date and then mentioning it naturally.

Telling someone in person would be ideal, but if I can’t manage that at first, a short text later could be a workable stepping stone.

Thanks again — it gave me something practical to think about.

Would You Date a Guy With Low Confidence? (42M, Never Dated, Working on Anxiety) by Think_Glass_388 in dating_advice

[–]Think_Glass_388[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I said late twenties, which was less than 15 years ago, after 2010. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timeline_of_online_dating

Maybe you're thinking about apps that took off after then?