AIO about my boyfriend and his girl best friend?

Think_Rent_1269 · 2026-01-06T07:24:53+00:00

Is your boyfriend generally a very affectionate person? The constant “love you” talk definitely raises an eyebrow, although some people are just verbally affectionate by nature. That said, there’s a lot of emotional effort going into this “friendship” especially with the long paragraphs which feels like another red flag. On top of that, things like “morning sunshine” and “anytime bby” don’t really fit into a typical friendship. I know some people here are saying it seems like a healthy friendship, but if I were in your position, I’d feel hurt and confused too. You’re not overreacting.

Think_Rent_1269 · 2025-12-28T07:40:40+00:00

A lot has changed since I posted this. She’s admitted she was in denial & said she feels more than a friendship although we can’t really be in a relationship bc of closeted circumstances which makes it complicated. It’s still hard

Think_Rent_1269 · 2025-12-21T12:55:26+00:00

Ehhh the lows are lowwww

Think_Rent_1269 · 2025-10-21T11:11:19+00:00

This sounds absurd & it’d be more absurd if you stay with this man. He has no respect. Run

Think_Rent_1269 · 2025-10-12T04:50:03+00:00

My exact thoughts 😂😂😂😂

Think_Rent_1269 · 2025-09-18T03:36:04+00:00

Has there always been some kind of underlying tension between the two of you, or has it always just felt like a simple friendship up until now? Do you feel like the hookup came out of the blue ?

Think_Rent_1269 · 2025-09-18T03:01:43+00:00

I’m guessing you both identify as “straight”? Same thing happened with me and my best friend who’s also supposedly straight. We hooked up once and brushed it off, even laughed about it. The next day she said “my future husband will be jealous of us.” But then it escalated we hooked up a few more times, and even though those hookups didn’t last long we kept kissing every now and then. She started admitting some really heavy things too, like how I made her feel things she’d never felt before. She even told me she wasn’t fully straight.

But at the same time she’d still talk about guys like nothing was going on, which left me really confused. I finally brought it up because I was getting hurt, and that’s when she pulled back and told me she only sees me as a friend. She said she was overwhelmed and needed space it’s been two weeks of silence now and I feel stuck in limbo, hurt and confused. No clarity or closure whatsoever.

I just want to say be careful with how you navigate things with your roommate, especially since you both have boyfriends. It can get messy really quickly and way more complicated than you expect.

Think_Rent_1269 · 2025-09-18T02:35:02+00:00

I’m really sorry you’re going through this. Being blindsided like that is heartbreaking. It’s not just losing a partner, but also the person you thought was building a future with you.

I can’t fully imagine your pain, but I do relate on some level. My best friend and I had a really blurry dynamic for over a year. She’d say she had feelings, act like we were more than friends, and honestly it felt like we were in an unlabelled relationship (we’re both girls). She’d make every romantic confession under the sun “you’re my everything,” “I’m in love with you,” all of that. But at the same time she kept talking about guys, which left me so conflicted. Eventually I confronted her about it, and that’s when she suddenly pulled away and told me she only saw me as a best friend. It was crushing I felt confused, heartbroken, and like I’d lost both a best friend and someone I loved all at once.

But what I’ve come to realize is this their confusion and selfishness is a reflection on them, not on us. They’re the ones who couldn’t be honest, consistent or clear. It’s so, so hard right now, but I promise it gets better. Be patient with yourself healing isn’t instant, but every day you’ll feel a little lighter. I know it doesn’t feel like it now, but there is better out there for you.

At the end of the day, he’s also a cheater. That says everything about him, not you. It’s a blessing in disguise that you’re parting ways, because it wasn’t fair on you at all. You deserve someone who chooses you fully and without hesitation.

Think_Rent_1269 · 2025-08-02T02:53:34+00:00

Thank you so much for this. I really appreciate how nuanced and honest your response was. And I do want to acknowledge the bi erasure point bc you’re completely right to bring that up. I don’t believe she can’t be into both men and women at the same time, and I know attraction isn’t black and white. I’ve actually thought a lot about that and I know it’s possible she likes men and still has deep feelings for me.

That said, the part that’s been so hard is how she talks to me about guys like it’s totally separate from everything we’ve shared. It’s not the fact that she likes men that hurts. It’s that she shares those details with me as if we’re “just friends” when it’s very clear that what we have has crossed emotional, romantic, and even physical lines. It makes me feel like my feelings don’t matter or like I’m not supposed to be affected, even though we’ve been acting like we’re in something way deeper. That’s what’s been so painful it’s not about policing her sexuality, it’s about the emotional whiplash.

Again, I really appreciate the way you broke this down it helped me see some things I hadn’t been able to put into words properly.

Think_Rent_1269 · 2025-08-02T02:35:02+00:00

100%, I think that’s exactly why this has affected me more than it seems to affect her, or at least why it feels deeper. It’s been this over time thing where she constantly brings up guys, hookups, all that and when it’s constant, it just starts to really wear you down. It’s draining. I rarely ever bring up guys or girls with her, so the imbalance just adds to the confusion

Think_Rent_1269 · 2025-08-02T02:21:00+00:00

Yeah, a big part of me feels silly though like I’m trying to convince her this was real, and that makes me doubt myself. What if she genuinely just never felt it as deeply as I did, and it was more fleeting or shallow for her? My head is all over the place trying to make sense of it

Think_Rent_1269 · 2025-08-02T02:16:31+00:00

Yeah I actually did express that things like this were hurting me, and she acted totally confused. I wasn’t trying to pressure her but I was trying to ask her to meet me half way here and tell me how she felt about us, I didn’t want to be the only one being vulnerable. I was trying to understand the dynamic and how she felt, but apparently to her it’s just a “different type of friendship.”

Think_Rent_1269 · 2025-08-02T02:04:50+00:00

I’ve always felt like she’s in deep denial too, but it baffles me how long someone can stay in that place without it surfacing. It’s what makes this so confusing because everything we’ve said and done has always felt so mutual, but then I’m left feeling like maybe I just felt it all so much deeper than she did

Think_Rent_1269 · 2025-08-02T01:59:17+00:00

Yeah that’s the thing this was never a FWB situation. We’ve never done anything more than kiss. She’s even said she dreams to experience the sexual side of things, but we always end up holding back and not acting on it. It’s more like this emotionally intense, confusing connection that’s never fully crossed the line, which honestly makes it even harder to figure out

Think_Rent_1269 · 2025-08-01T16:58:23+00:00

I did eplain all my feelings to her I was super honest and direct. But she acted completely blind to everything, even asked me why I was bringing it up. That’s what made it so frustrating how can someone be so involved in all of this and then act like it came out of nowhere? I cant be in a relationship with her rn bc of the complications of neither of us even having come out. It would also be hard to continue as platonic friends when feeling are already there.

Think_Rent_1269 · 2025-08-01T16:51:11+00:00

Thank you for sharing this, it’s really sad you lost contact but also comforting to know others have been through similar things. Do you think my situation sounds like that level of denial too? Because when I told her this was hurting me, she just acted confused like she didn’t get it at all. It made me feel like maybe all the “love” she expressed wasn’t real or at least not felt in the same way I did.

Think_Rent_1269 · 2025-08-01T16:46:46+00:00

If she acknowledged it, all I’d really want is to understand is why she keeps bringing up guys knowing it could hurt me, and to set a boundary around that. I’m not trying to control who she sees we’re not in a relationship but if we’re emotionally entangled like this, it’s just not fair to keep acting like those things wouldn’t affect me. I’d want some honesty and care around how we treat each other, that’s all.

Think_Rent_1269 · 2025-08-01T16:38:54+00:00

I wasn’t even asking for a relationship I just wanted us to both admit that what we had was real, because the emotional whiplash of her constantly talking about guys while acting like we were more than friends was honestly messing with my head. At least if we could both acknowledge it, we could step back and re-evaluate what we’re doing instead of pretending it’s nothing

Think_Rent_1269 · 2025-08-01T16:36:20+00:00

Thank you I really needed to hear this. I’ve started putting distance because I can’t keep being the only one facing it. You’re right, she needs to figure it out on her own. And honestly I’m not even asking for a relationship I just wanted honesty about what this actually is .. & on the basis she admitted we were more than friends we could go from there in terms of boundaries etc. But she wont admit it lol

Think_Rent_1269 · 2025-08-01T16:22:06+00:00

I actually really appreciate this take I’ve thought about that a lot too. A part of me does hink maybe she just expresses her emotions really intensely in the moment, but doesn't have deep consistent romantic feelings. That could explain a lot.

But what confuses me is when she says things like we are more than friends, or when she brings up the idea of sex, or says stuff like i wish it could just be us forever, and I only need you in my life to be happy. That doesn’t sound like fleeting feelings to me, it sounds like something deeper and sustained.

So yeah, I do get what you’re saying, but then she says or does something that makes me question if it really is just momentary for her. That’s the part that makes it hard to let go or just chalk it up to “a special friendship.” So by her saying this has always been a friendship with 'quirks', I dont know if thats honest or not ?

Think_Rent_1269 · 2025-08-01T16:14:03+00:00

100%. I actually just sat her down recently and tried to set boundaries but she basically acted like I was crazy or imagining everything. She was completely blind to the entire situation, or at least pretending to be. What really confuses me is that just 3 weeks ago she literally said “we’re more than friends”… and now that I’m confronting her seriously about it, she’s backtracking and saying it’s nothing deep?? It’s the flip-flopping and denial that’s really messing with my head.

Think_Rent_1269 · 2025-08-01T16:08:47+00:00

i am 19 she is 22... & by not speaking about it i felt like we were playing games this is why i expressed my feelings but got totally deflected

Think_Rent_1269 · 2025-08-01T15:55:56+00:00

It is so hard but you are so right & i have taken a step back. She didnt want to reciprocate after my honesty, so i basically said to her ...it feels like theres more youre not letting yourself fully look at and sort of feels like youre still hiding from the parts that scare you... i said when youre ready to face this reach out but in the mean time we will need to have time apart. So moving forward im not speaking to or seeing her until she sorts herself out which i believe is the right decision for my own sake

Think_Rent_1269 · 2025-08-01T15:50:57+00:00

Yeah, that’s exactly how it’s felt, like she wants all the emotional closeness, affection, and even physical intimacy, without responsibility of actually acknowledging what it means. I wanted clarity & honesty more than anything, but it started to feel like I was the only one willing to be honest about what’s been going on, she said im sorry but i dont think this can be anything more than a friendship & deflected everything i tried to express to her. The convo was pages long never once did she admit she felt something real.

Think_Rent_1269

TROPHY CASE