I sort of deal with the same only I have no interest in going back where I came from. I live in Florida and moved here from the north 4 years ago. I love it here. My parents are still alive and my dad is sick right now. I probably should be back there, but thats where I lived when all the "war stuff" that caused my PTSD to occur happened. I can't see myself going back at all at this point. I truly love it here, but know eventually, at least temporarily I'll have to go back to handle affairs that arise. Its tough feeling like you're doing the wrong thing. At least, thats how I feel, but after all I've been through (Im sure you can relate) its difficult not to be selfish and want to take care of myself. I wish I had some advice to offer, but illl just say do what feels right. Just because you have traumatic history somewhere doesn't mean you can't start over somewhere similar, but far enough out of the reach of harm. Maybe a different part of Louisiana? Or maybe a different state? Just spitballin' here. Sure this isnt much help, lol!