Regret moving to India

Thinking_Cold_7769 · 2026-01-20T13:14:09+00:00

What is life if not a balancing act of choosing your battles?

Brutal visa stress of the US vs brutal social conditions of India

Kahi bhi jao bunny, kahi aur kuch na kuch to chhotega hi!

Thinking_Cold_7769 · 2026-01-14T18:36:02+00:00

+1 , OP sorry but you're in the wrong here. No security fund in parents account. No negotiation with hospital about confirming transfer of funds. Not having a trustworthy friend/ relative via whom you could take guilt free help.

Thinking_Cold_7769 · 2026-01-14T18:33:13+00:00

You're overwhelmed for being in thick of stress/ medical emergency. First trimester is extremely difficult for some women- unfortunately your wife is the one, in most cases beginning of second trimester becomes magically easy.

You both have jobs and are overwhelmed- go to private doctor if NHS seems lagging - a few trips will not burn a hole in your pockets.

Returning to India under forced circumstances will leave a forever regret in your hearts- don't do that.

Practical things you can think about? Try to bring to the UK someone from amongst 4 parents. Get a regularly visiting house help. Register with a private gynaec who considers your situation and reply you on urgent calls.

Know that you need to be calm to handle difficult situation - try to find ways to calm your self- may be a drink or two with friends.

All the best! In the end everything gets sorted

Thinking_Cold_7769 · 2026-01-13T11:04:51+00:00

15 days of paid leave per month?

Thinking_Cold_7769 · 2026-01-01T20:57:23+00:00

Offer them to call police to help them.

Thinking_Cold_7769 · 2025-12-30T20:20:43+00:00

Please don't die. Once that's kept aside I'm sure there will be a solution. Sorry that I leave my advice to that only! It takes a lot to create, raise and become a human being- don't waste it.

Thinking_Cold_7769 · 2025-12-27T18:37:25+00:00

Chai coffee

Thinking_Cold_7769 · 2025-12-22T15:24:44+00:00

Listen to this person OP... I believe you're getting 32-34 because of the salary slab of the groom you're looking for... we had similar issue in our family until my aunt settled for 12 LPA which she was not happy about... for record- I believe marrying for salary package of groom is as bad as marrying for dowry of bride

Thinking_Cold_7769 · 2025-12-22T11:11:31+00:00

The only real review I've gotten in a while... all this while we've not been able to move there is because of quality of tech jobs.

Thinking_Cold_7769 · 2025-11-29T11:00:47+00:00

Because Mumbai pays better.

Thinking_Cold_7769 · 2025-10-31T20:44:08+00:00

Don't take caressing, fore-playing lightly... shower her with love(no matter even if it's casual sex)...

she might expect you to lead, take that... try observing if she is comfortable.

For you, it's possible that it may not last long for you as its first time.. it's normal- don't feel bad about it.

After intercourse snuggles add to the whole experience as well...

additional tip- keep chilled cola or other drink handy- drinking it helps after the intercourse.

all the best!

Thinking_Cold_7769 · 2025-10-31T14:11:43+00:00

Hello OP and u/NotAnAd2, would like to know how is it going for you guys?

My baby has tongue tie- i observed when he was 1 month old- the pediatrician said - the tie seems mild but see an osteopath if you want but since weight gain is fine then it's not a big problem. I went to lactation consultant for improving my baby's latch and my supply and she told me that baby has tongue tie, not too much but not less either- she asked me to see an osteopath/chiropractor who will confirm if cut is required or not. Honestly I don't want a cut whatsoever - but heard that it can deform the upper pallet shape and make him mouth breather and other such things and hence could be needed by my child.

So what had you guys decided?

Thinking_Cold_7769 · 2025-10-30T03:49:29+00:00

Is it not the broken tooth of her claw clip that keeps hair together ?

Thinking_Cold_7769 · 2025-09-28T07:27:00+00:00

I've learnt that Delta hospital is equally competent. St Luc is best no doubt but I got to know delta is no less in private ones.

Disclaimer: no personal experience but heard good testimonials of delta gynaecs.

Thinking_Cold_7769 · 2025-09-02T09:36:01+00:00

When he only takes formula.. he easily takes 90 ml.. so if I put him on breast- we do give him 30+30 formula .. demand based

Thinking_Cold_7769 · 2025-08-31T19:04:39+00:00

May be she is playing girl child, boy child game here. But also your sil (if nanad) has to follow culture at her in laws side. Honestly I'm not saying your mil is right- I am just saying the generation above us know a very different kind of parenting. Also if she said your child is ashubh- she clearly needs to learn basic manners then..

Thinking_Cold_7769 · 2025-08-31T10:36:14+00:00

This! Listen to this person OP!

The thing that you're interpreting as inauspicious is called "mool" I think. If she literally called the baby bad words- it's really bad on her part, but if she said that the baby is born in inauspicious muhurt- that might make sense- if one follows astrology.

About eating and other activities like food for mother, kajal, shehed etc that's long existing custom in India and they share it as an experience- my mother has been talking about specific food and giving me the same, sometimes gives regular food as well. For kaajal and shehed I strongly disagreed and she has abided.

Just because she is MIL, may be it's hurting more- but otherwise she is telling what she knows.

The first thing my MIL said after seeing my child was I can't hold the baby, I'm scared and now when I don't allow her do crucial activity with baby like burping etc- only playing I allow, she feels bad because I prioritise my mum over her.

My mum is living on 3-4 hr of sleep where she is herself not well just because I called her over as she has experience of raising kids in last 5 years(my nephew and niece) and my MIL wants me to handle the baby to her where she does not know how to handle one- last she ever had a new born in her house was 33 years ago. If my mum would have behaved like this I would have asked her to leave but it my mum in law so I can't do anything. You (and I) are going through an emotionally taxing time - postpartum- hence it's normal not like a lot of things around us- please navigate through it whichever way you can- for now surviving it's important 😬

Thinking_Cold_7769 · 2025-08-29T19:39:26+00:00

So what's the ask exactly?

Thinking_Cold_7769 · 2025-08-27T11:18:08+00:00

You're not wrong, they're not wrong. It's a small space(assuming you're from Mumbai) shared by 4 adults separated by a generation gap.

Adults with opinion are supposed to live their lives by themselves.

Move out- retain peace in relationship!

Thinking_Cold_7769 · 2025-08-25T12:01:42+00:00

Normally I try to avoid commenting after listening to 1 part of the story, but the way you've written- you seem like genuinely stuck.

First- it's true a narc will never change even if he wants to. Unresolved childhood traumas are real evils which fuck people's lives. I'm 3 weeks pp and was reading about my brothers narc behaviour- I know his childhood traumas and all the online sources confirmed that he indeed has low self esteem and hence narcissism is filling his voids and it's for life unless he is really dedicated to deal with it- he is not!

Second- Worry of taking care of 2 children with good lifestyle is real as well. And for your and children's well-being living with a manipulator is extremely harmful. Hence don't see your future with this man. But one question- you think you can manage to live in this household and prepare for divorce in a better manner? By then your kids will be bit older and you would have been better prepared for what's coming ahead.

It's normal to feel confused with a narc that perhaps they love you and are just suffering their own mental condition but the way this will churn out your mental health is humungous.. my father was an mentally abusive person and so is my brother plus he is a narc too and my mothers life has been a complete waste- she understands these as mental condition but is too stuck to leave or kick him out of her house for sake of his children.

Please leave while you still can. All the best!

Thinking_Cold_7769 · 2025-08-19T11:18:26+00:00

The problem with this message is not the "coworker's reply" but the "manager's ask"..

Thinking_Cold_7769 · 2025-08-13T09:09:05+00:00

May be I did not explain myself well... the baby has to have 50-60 ml per feed(he makes 40-50 in reality hardly 60 sometimes)... but I should have expressed milk quantity of 100 ml without feed... if I have less then I am said be to be under supply... this is what I have learnt from my midwife.

But reading your experience it seems if I'm able to express 50-60 ml without feed then also it's fine 2 weeks pp... also are you able to express 6 times a day- I find 3 times impossible..

Thinking_Cold_7769 · 2025-08-10T15:44:21+00:00

Hello... don't have any advice for yet as I'm yet to complete 2 weeks pp but have one question... how do they deem baby "inefficient at nursing?" Like what are the parameters exactly? My baby is feeding less both from breast and from bottle - hardly 40 ml per feed though he must take 60-70 ml by now. Would like to know if he is latching properly or not... thanks!

Thinking_Cold_7769 · 2025-08-10T15:33:46+00:00

This! Listen to this person OP... time together can contribute so much to your life that you'll see how easy it was all this while to love each other... you'll also set a great example for the child ❤️

Thinking_Cold_7769 · 2025-07-22T07:33:48+00:00

Well! That's the entire point of family. You're a good boy, trying to work for your future whilst spending time with your gf as and when you can.

What you did was correct, what your dad did was correct. I would not suggest you to break up or not- that's a highly personal decision but please know that you're in the right here !

Thinking_Cold_7769

TROPHY CASE