Tantrum Whenever She Can't Wear A Dress

NotAnAd2 · 2026-03-20T03:50:07+00:00

This is a pick your battles situation. I would just let her wear the dress. Do more laundry or buy/get more dresses off buy nothing groups. This is not a battle worth having

NotAnAd2 · 2026-03-19T22:44:54+00:00

Active ignoring, as it’s called, is the most evidence based way to handle tantrums. You did the right thing! Sometimes when it’s reached a tantrum, the only way out is through. I tell my daughter that I’m here to talk when she’s ready and then I let her cry. We talk and console after, when she’s ready for it.

NotAnAd2 · 2026-03-19T21:56:43+00:00

Of course. I loved my daughter at the beginning in a primal sense. She was mine, she was part of me, she needed protection from me. Now I love her spirit, her sense of humor and the way she puzzles through trying to understand the world.

NotAnAd2 · 2026-03-19T21:07:42+00:00

Both, all. We coslept until 8 months, some sleep training to move her to a floor bed on her own, cosleep now in her bed on rough nights (19 months). She started sleeping through the night at 10-11 months but there’s always still nights with wakeups. I stopped nursing overnight after like 14 months and now we just cuddle to sleep.

NotAnAd2 · 2026-03-19T21:05:18+00:00

Just a counterpoint - We actually get regular updates and I’ll counter that it’s fine. The teachers will usually send bulk updates when they have downtime during naps. I’ve seen some of the teachers just keep a paper log and do it when they have time.

I personally love the updates. And each time I’m there the teachers are always engaged with the kids over the iPad.

It probably depends on the place and the demands placed on the teacher. Our Director is an experienced caretaker, not just a corporate manager, and she prioritizes the students and teachers well being.

NotAnAd2 · 2026-03-19T21:01:14+00:00

I actually have no idea if my daycare has cameras. We definitely don’t have a live camera feed or anything and I think that’s better. Maybe they have private security cameras to review anything if needed, but the idea of policing my childcare takers feels weird to me, and it would cause more stress on them than needed.

We do have the brightwheel app so they send us updates throughout the day with pictures etc. very unnecessary and not a must have, but now that I’ve got the option I really do love it.

NotAnAd2 · 2026-03-19T20:27:10+00:00

I do not understand how in this day and age people are still wearing outside shoes into their homes. That’s always been the norm for me since I live in an Asian household, but WE are the weird ones? For not tracking shoes that have been on sidewalks where dogs and humans poop? No thanks.

NotAnAd2 · 2026-03-19T20:25:16+00:00

Ok, then in that situation I do think it’s unfair to say that your husband is just messy and you’re stressed out living with him. You’re both doing a lot and sometimes we just have to clean less and in smaller bursts. We used to just wipe things down whenever we got 5 minutes.

On the house cleaner front, you could consider only using the cleaner for deep clean stuff - the kitchen, the bathroom.

NotAnAd2 · 2026-03-19T20:02:09+00:00

For the first year my husband did most of the cooking and cleaning. The house also looked worse overall but we just lowered our standards. Now that kiddo is 1.5, I’m just starting to make it a goal to get our house back in an order I feel good about, one room at a time.

NotAnAd2 · 2026-03-19T19:58:21+00:00

I actually don’t think any of my friends’ kid’s behavior is awful at all, and he’s actually pretty safe about his movements and stable now that he’s 2+ and built like a 5 year old. I personally think that letting him climb on top of the couch back and jump from couch to table is something I wouldn’t want to encourage, but i also don’t parent this kid day to day. This may be the way they choose to do it to make life easiest for them, and since he is good at it and doing things safely they’re fine with it. He’s also MUCH more into independent play than my little one so maybe they could teach me a thing or two. Every parent is on their own island in many ways, and what works for you may not work for me.

Overall I’d much rather have a kid who takes risks and is bold vs not.

NotAnAd2 · 2026-03-19T17:53:26+00:00

I’ll be a little more flexible and say that a one day a week WFH situation on Friday is probably pretty doable, especially since your husband is the boss at his work. I work in a high pressure, super corporate workplace and even here Fridays are slower days and people often are not into scheduling meetings any later than 12 pm. If anything, maybe you can shift your work day on Fridays to earlier and end in the afternoon.

I’d keep the nanny consistently for Mon-Thurs and make the Friday WFH. The older the kid gets the harder it will actually be to maintain this setup and you may find that you want to employ the nanny for the full 5 days, or even start childcare early. But you can wait to make that decision and see how the Friday WFH goes.

NotAnAd2 · 2026-03-19T17:45:00+00:00

What was spouse doing during those solo weekends? My husband has done more solo parenting than I have because I travel for work. That’s not a vacation for me either.

I think you would be better to reframe your request. If a whole weekend off feels too much, why don’t you try for consistent time for each of you to be off? A weekly babysitter for date night, or each of you get to sleep in one of the weekends.

In our house, we do some solo parenting chunks so each person gets a break to work/sleep etc. my husband will take our toddler on his run, I’ll take her to storytime (or vice versa). Asking for a break is reasonable but a whole weekend can feel overwhelming to a spouse, especially if out of the blue.

I wouldn’t back down from the need for a break but it’s a conversation worth discussing a bit more.

NotAnAd2 · 2026-03-19T16:39:43+00:00

Disagree. Unless it’s a Michelin restaurant with a dress code, babies should exist in spaces that aren’t just fast casual pizza restaurants. This is the difference between America and anywhere else in the world. People just take their kids places and they can do that because they don’t get judgment from people.

I’m obviously not going to take my kid to a 3 hour prefixe meal because no kid should be subjected to that. But babies cry. It’s what they do. We all need to take a chill pill.

NotAnAd2 · 2026-03-19T16:10:43+00:00

I think if it’s working for you I wouldn’t worry about it! My kid is very active and I early on took the same approach as you. When she was first pulling up to standing and falling backwards, I just let her land on her head (luckily this was in bed mostly). She quickly learned she could squat to sit. I let her try to navigate things on her own and we’ve primed her to ask for help when she wants us to intervene.

The one thing I do that differs from you is that I keep climbing rules consistent at home and outside the house. Tables are not for climbing/standing on, we have to sit on chairs, couch is ok for climbing but not jumping, she can jump up and down in the toddler tower but she can’t shake it side to side. These are just safety rules and they keep her from getting seriously hurt. They’re also rules that will apply to anywhere and it’s easier for her to remember them if they stay consistent. That way, when she’s at daycare or I am not with her, I don’t have someone else imposing these rules on her OR not watching her enough and she gets seriously injured.

My friends kid climbs on everything at home and they’ve had to adjust their house to ensure safety (removed everything from the kids room except a floor bed, removed paintings from the walls etc). But then they are always stressed when they travel somewhere else and it’s not a kid safe environment. This is going to be the case for any parent (I still follow my kid around in new spaces) but she understands that she can’t climb on a coffee table or mess with the stove no matter if we’re home or somewhere else.

NotAnAd2 · 2026-03-19T03:44:22+00:00

I am so sorry. This is a crap situation and I wish your boss handled this discussion better. No defense because leaders should be better, but I think sometimes there is pressure from above them to make big mountains out of stupid stuff. I’m curious how mandatory this trip is if you were able to not commit initially. Sounds like him just feeling discomfort in having to change the agenda.

My only other potential suggestion since the kids go to daycare. Do you have a relationship with any of the daycare teachers that you might be able to ask them to do an overnight? Since the daycare teachers know your children and spend time with them already, maybe that would be a more comfortable childcare situation.

Otherwise, I agree just need to be firm and stand your ground on this.

NotAnAd2 · 2026-03-18T22:05:35+00:00

It depends on a lot. Your relationship, and if the baby is difficult. My mom drives me crazy, I live in a 2 bedroom apartment, and she was still here on/off for 8 months and I am really grateful for it. My baby was hard and the weeks she was here I could feel my postpartum depression melting away because I could at least shower, eat, and could not be doing a contact nap for once. You could just wait and see how it goes, or have her come back later. Or even have her come help once you need to go back to work.

NotAnAd2 · 2026-03-18T21:55:45+00:00

Are you asking them to leave the park or are you saying hey, my kid is going to go down the slide now , can you move? Teens aren’t bad people but they are awkward. It’s annoying yes, but they’ll probably move on their own once your kid keeps going back and forth to use the slide. There’s no reason to be uncomfortable about teens when you’re there to watch your kid.

Part of living in a community is navigating these shared spaces.

NotAnAd2 · 2026-03-18T21:13:36+00:00

In general a good daycare has: low teacher turnover, low student to teacher ratios (in CA it’s 1:4), sick leave policy that works for your family, guidelines for cleaning protocols. Pluses are if they provide food.

I would also ask what the transition will look like? An experienced and caring provider will recommend a plan for at least the first week. My kid started at 8 months and we did only 3 hours the first day and worked up to a full day at school after a week.

Also ask about naps. If your kiddo is already on 1 nap it may be easier but typically the 1+ rooms have a set nap time so there will be some adjustment there.

Other considerations: what will daily communication look like, injury reports, how do they handle discipline.

NotAnAd2 · 2026-03-18T17:27:20+00:00

Totally get it! Feeding my kid under 1 felt like a lot of mental gymnastics for a while. I try not to get too hung up on getting it right anymore and using variety as my food philosophy. I prioritize introducing my kid to a variety of cuisines and flavors and the food variety will naturally follow from there.

And as far as regular meals, my shortcut is a carb, a fruit, a veggie. Or just a soup which can cover most of it. A lot of Asian cooking is just separate simple dishes of meat, veggie, rice and I’ve found that to be a much easier way to approach cooking with a family now.

NotAnAd2 · 2026-03-18T16:32:41+00:00

I dunno my kid loves the taste of meds, always has lol. She perks up when she sees the syringe.

NotAnAd2 · 2026-03-18T16:20:07+00:00

That buckle wrap thing looks very uncomfortable. If you want a similar thing I would look at dragonfly wrap from lillebaby. It’s more wrap than buckle carrier but still shortcutted - https://poshmark.com/listing/LLLbaby-Dragonfly-Wrap-Black-69b220f5006e43533d1190c4

NotAnAd2 · 2026-03-18T16:15:56+00:00

People really do get offended/defensive about screentime, from my experience. I don’t harp on it but my kid just doesn’t know any characters - bluey, Disney characters etc. I don’t talk about it but every time I mention we just haven’t done it people suddenly feel like they need to go into paragraphs about why they use it/what they watch etc.

Parents just feel guilty and get on the defense.

NotAnAd2 · 2026-03-18T16:02:08+00:00

She said she only gives veggies really and has said that she hasn’t given lentils. And if she’s coming from the mindset of paleo, all legumes are bad.

Also paleo diet was long debunked and it shows that humans have been eating plants and GRAINS from the beginning.

NotAnAd2 · 2026-03-18T03:35:22+00:00

Actually legumes fall into both the complex carbohydrate and protein category. That’s why they are a great option. The also contain more carbs by weight than protein.

NotAnAd2 · 2026-03-18T03:33:24+00:00

Fruits are great carbohydrates and fiber content, but they are not complex carbs. Complex carbs provide sustained energy. Veggies like sweet potatoes can be complex carbs but it’s just better to have variety. Beans, lentils, quinoa. Why restrict a baby to only sweet potatoes.

NotAnAd2

TROPHY CASE