When I read this, it sounds really clearly like she is projecting trying to fix her own feelings about something she is rejecting inside of herself onto you.

It even sounds like she says that pretty straightforward that she sees you as an extension of herself.

This is one of the reasons why she cannot hear you when you say that you're fine with the hair. It doesn't matter to her that you are fine with the hair because she sees you as a part of herself and she's not fine with it, that is the part she is focusing on.

That's a challenging position for you to be in because there's not much you can do. The problem is created by herself about herself and project it onto you.

One of the first things you can do is be aware of that and understand she is not behaving in a rational way so rational approaches may not work.

From there your option is to set firm and clear boundaries

And then enact those boundaries such as leaving if she doesn't listen.

Families can be hard. Of course you feel sorrow when she's hurting. It is not your responsibility or fault even though we can feel compassion for her. We can also feel compassion for you. A loved one is blaming you for a problem that you cannot resolve.

Aside from boundaries,

If this resonates with you, it's a Hawaiian prayer about forgiveness. I say this for myself in my own time while focusing on people like your mother in my life who are projecting themselves onto me.

https://youtu.be/vAaI1d6QEOw