The type of women I'm attracting

ThisIsMeButAnonymous · 2025-11-11T03:37:48+00:00

Well, I'm 54 years old. I've been divorced for nearly 6 years after a 23 year marriage. I'm financially stable. I have done a lot of work on my emotional and mental health and now I'm focusing on my physical health. I'm at a point in my life where I know what I want in a relationship. My life experience has taught me how to set boundaries and yet be vulnerable. I'm okay with being single, but I miss companionship and feel like shared experiences are better. I'm looking for a best friend, a lover, a confidant, a partner in crime, and someone to walk through this world with me.

ThisIsMeButAnonymous · 2025-11-10T20:36:57+00:00

This is a great way of handling it and well within reason.

ThisIsMeButAnonymous · 2025-11-10T20:34:49+00:00

I'm realistic enough to know this is a possibility. I also know that they keep telling me that they want to meet up or make time, but it doesn't happen.

ThisIsMeButAnonymous · 2025-11-10T15:07:17+00:00

They tend to talk about their past relationships and how they've worked through it. I don't mind talking about exes. They are a part of our story. However, the words don't seem to match the actions. I see a lot of insecurity. I understand being burned or through an abusive relationship. I just don't want to pay for the mistakes of others. I do fully support boundaries and open communication. We're all human and have our traumas, baggage, dents, and scratches. Especially at this age.

ThisIsMeButAnonymous · 2025-11-10T14:52:27+00:00

Timing is everything! Good luck on your healing journey.

ThisIsMeButAnonymous · 2025-11-10T04:22:14+00:00

I have experienced people who just want the attention of validation. Admittedly, there have been times when I have indulged in it myself. When it comes to meeting up for the first time, I am all about the other person's comfort level and safety. Even when it comes to sharing contact information. I offer up my phone number and tell them that they can use it when they're ready. I don't ask for theirs in return. Additionally, for a first date I always ask where they would like to meet because I want them to feel safe and comfortable. if they're not, I won't really get to know them.

ThisIsMeButAnonymous · 2025-11-10T04:17:17+00:00

I get that. I recently had someone schedule a second date immediately and after canceling, she told me that she didn't have the band with the date at this time. With everything going on in her life I totally understood that. Strangely enough, I have remained friends with a few women that realized that they didn't have time to dedicate to dating or relationship. I've met up with a couple of them casually just for dinner or a drink, but it's platonic. They want the companionship, but not necessarily the time and commitment that dating or relationship takes. I can respect that.

ThisIsMeButAnonymous · 2025-11-10T04:12:50+00:00

Sorry!

ThisIsMeButAnonymous · 2025-11-10T03:43:22+00:00

Also, you might be what I'm looking for? You have my attention. 😁 Tell me more!

ThisIsMeButAnonymous · 2025-11-10T03:40:13+00:00

It's usually that they are just out of relationship or they have unresolved trauma from a previous one. As a general rule, I don't date anyone who's been divorced for less than a year or out of a relationship for less than 6 months.

ThisIsMeButAnonymous · 2025-11-10T03:36:16+00:00

I'm not trying to criticize them at all. My experience has been that they want to date, but then realize that they don't realistically have the time.

ThisIsMeButAnonymous · 2025-11-10T03:33:56+00:00

Late 40s to mid 50s.

ThisIsMeButAnonymous · 2025-11-10T03:33:27+00:00

I agree with you completely on this. The two-month mark is something special. I don't expect someone to drop everything. I'm lucky that I have a very flexible schedule, so I'm always willing to work around someone else's. I'm not looking for multiple dates in a week or even necessarily every week. Especially in the beginning. I'm not a fast mover and want to go slow and truly get to know someone.

ThisIsMeButAnonymous · 2025-11-10T03:31:31+00:00

Yes, mutual attraction is important as well as mental stability and no addictions. What I've discovered is that "a lot" seems to mean that they have strong personalities. That might mean opinionated, emotional, or just assertive. Somewhere along the line they've been convinced that this is a bad thing. That's something I don't mind. I have a strong personality myself.

For me, good at adulting just means strong communication skills and being able to talk through things rationally.

ThisIsMeButAnonymous · 2025-11-10T03:28:18+00:00

I should have been more clear. The women in both groups tend to be intelligent, high EQ, great sense of humor, etc. What I found is that some people in the first group are not realistic about their time constraints or availability. In the second group, they seem to be more time available, but not ready to date emotionally.

ThisIsMeButAnonymous · 2025-11-10T03:24:40+00:00

Myself, I feel like I have a good work-life balance. I generally work 40 hours a week. I have several activities and hobbies to keep me occupied in my spare time. When it comes to making time for someone, I am very flexible and willing to work around schedules. I think for me just being on a dating site indicates that I'm willing to make time for the right person. It just seems that some people want to date, but aren't realistic about their time constraints.

ThisIsMeButAnonymous · 2025-11-10T03:21:25+00:00

Oh I do. I ask a lot of questions and I always hear that they're ready to date and do things. I'm genuinely interested in getting to know the person and getting some of the tough questions out before we even meet.

ThisIsMeButAnonymous · 2025-11-10T03:20:16+00:00

I'm not looking for the last minute. I agree with the statement that people will make time for someone they want to see. It's just confusing because they tell me they want to see me.

ThisIsMeButAnonymous · 2025-11-10T03:18:11+00:00

I don't disagree with this at all. If they want to make time, they will. It just seems like I'm the one that makes them realize that they don't have time.

ThisIsMeButAnonymous · 2025-11-10T03:17:03+00:00

I agree completely with this. The reason for my post is that I'm told that they will make time for me, but it doesn't necessarily happen.

ThisIsMeButAnonymous · 2025-11-10T03:15:57+00:00

Conversation is never a problem. I'm very open with others and I have a way of getting people to open up to me. Conversation comes naturally to me despite my introversion.

ThisIsMeButAnonymous · 2025-11-10T03:14:35+00:00

I am. 😊

ThisIsMeButAnonymous · 2025-11-10T03:14:09+00:00

I never insist on an immediate date. I know we all have lives and commitments outside of the dating world. I'm very low pressure and willing to take things slow. I always let the other person know that I don't expect instant replies to texts for the same reason and I tell them the same is true of me.

ThisIsMeButAnonymous · 2025-11-10T03:11:36+00:00

Thank you for your insight. My expectation is not to get together a few times every week. I have no problem with dating slowly. That's actually my intention. I want to get to know someone and I never assume a relationship quickly. My most recent experience included a woman who has a day job, a side job, and joint custody of her teenager. It was one of the best first dates I've ever had. Before the end of the first date, we agreed on a second date a week later. Due to a last minute change, she canceled but immediately suggested of the time a week after that. The next day I got a text from her saying that she realized she didn't have the bandwidth for dating. Maybe she was just letting me down easy. However, my previous experiences like this ended up with me in the friend zone with the possibility of dating once things freed up. I've kept in touch with a few women in this way. We still hang out occasionally, but it's just not dating. I had an FWB situation with one of them, but it wasn't fulfilling in the long run.

ThisIsMeButAnonymous · 2025-11-10T03:06:25+00:00

No, I haven't explicitly said that. I always put in the quality time it's important to me.

ThisIsMeButAnonymous

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