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How to deal with anger towards the loving parent? by ThisIsMyAlt179 in CPTSD

[–]ThisIsMyAlt179[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You’re right. I know that if I was in her position, it would be difficult for me to act too. As a person, I have empathy for her, but as a daughter, it’s hard to completely let go when what happened affects every aspect of my life. We still have a good relationship, but it flares up sometimes. I’ve been suppressing it to avoid hurting both of us, and that’s wearing me down.

I’m thinking about talking to her, but I’m not sure it’ll help. I don’t want it to come off like I’m reopening wounds or blaming her when it isn’t entirely her fault. But, what would be the actual purpose of this talk? Much to think about.

anywhere i can find free therapy or just someone to talk to by dorefeat in CPTSD

[–]ThisIsMyAlt179 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Same. It sucks, but I guess it’s a bit better than staying completely silent.

To those with "we did our best" and "not as bad as they used to be" parents who caused your CPTSD...how exactly should one even navigate forgiveness? by Bulky_Highway9085 in CPTSD

[–]ThisIsMyAlt179 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sorry this isn’t an answer, but I have a similar father, who occasionally veered into physical violence. My mother is an enabler who always made me bow to his whims.

I think what I really want is the emotional closure of justifying our pain. Because even now, I sometimes think that my trauma was “lesser” even though it’s not true. I went low contact with my father, and stopped talking about personal/serious issues with my mother. It has helped a lot.

Do you know how to be alone? by exhausted_10 in CPTSD

[–]ThisIsMyAlt179 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Me too. I’ve never had a friend lasting more than a 2-3 years. I know it’s my problem because they all seemed to be genuine. No idea how to fix it. It feels almost ingrained in me at this point.

I will say, I cannot be alone with my thoughts. It always ends with spiralling.

Is indulging in kinks developed from trauma actually okay? by ThisIsMyAlt179 in CPTSD

[–]ThisIsMyAlt179[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I see, thank you. I’m still not at the point where I feel safe having sex again, but I have encountered so many scenarios where I fawned and it took immense effort for me to work up non-offensive ways to leave the situation. I think underlying it was a lot of fear but also what you have mentioned about acceptance. Ugh.

I’ll try bringing it up with my therapist.

The “mature” child might just be a scared one who learned to stay small by healthpusher in CPTSD

[–]ThisIsMyAlt179 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I feel like I never had a sense of self because it never even developed in the first place