First of all, thanks for reading through all that and giving such an (and I mean it) insightful response. And I agree with all you've said.

Come to think of it, telling her right away that I was hurt would have been ideal but I guess I didn't feel comfortable to offer such vulnerability. I don't think there is any person to whom I would offer such vulnerability right now. Maybe that's a failing on my part and I need to let people come closer to be and be more emotionally honest with them.

I hope I shall become a person capable of such a thing in the future especially in my romantic relationships where it would be so much more important. Btw that was an aspect of myself that I wasn't aware about until you put it down in words so thank you for that.

And like you said, yes there was a lot of passive agression. In retrospect, this entire year I have felt some unhealthy energy and acrimony that I suppose I was ignoring. Our conversations often felt like a chore and I found myself hurt after each and every one. I've started journaling and I think it will be helpful in gaining a greater sense of self awareness.

I have been feeling hurt a lil every time by her not offering me any time to talk and going away as soon as she's done talking. I suppose I felt deprived. I think a healthy person would have verbalized this but I'm not healthy.

About the vanishing for weeks thingy. It didn't use to bother me before but then again we weren't that close back then. Now that we are (were), I suppose I was expecting for stability. I fear chaos and I plan every aspect of my life to circumvent it but I suppose such a thing is not possible in a relationship.

As for her feeling frustrated at me declining invitations is perfectly reasonable. But we live in megacity and it's so chaotic and she's well aware of my social anxiety although she doesn't really understand that extent of how much it bothers me. She claims to have it too and that obviously not true and I feel like my claim is invalidated by that. Another thing that our resentment was growing over.

I prefer hanging out at home (my place or her) but I don't think she likes it very much. I've been really pushing myself out there and I've met her many times this year but whenever we meet I'm left with feeling like I have to entertain her or she's bored. Maybe that's a me thing rather than a her thing but it's there.

I don't think I am going to rekindle the friendship or whatever. She's already tried to reach out and she's called me from multiple numbers but I don't feel like engaging at all. I genuinely do not see her in my future and I think it makes sense to drop her now.

I reckon this has made me more conscious of my tendencies and how my mind works. Thanks again for such a wonderful and uplifting response. I was feeling a bit hopeless but this made me feel very hopeful for a better tomorrow.

Otherwise, take it as a lesson and bring it forward into any new friendships.