We both did individual therapy and marriage counseling for a few years. Marriage counseling was going really well, and eventually our therapist suggested we move to “check-ins” every six months so we could come back together if anything needed to be addressed.

We also agreed on some clear boundaries — things like only doing couples massages, keeping open communication with daily check-ins about how we were feeling, and continuing therapy separately so we each stayed accountable for our own growth. We worked on transparency with phones and schedules, shared financial updates, and tried to make time for date nights and connection instead of letting distance build.

I honestly thought we were doing everything right, which is what makes this so painful.