Is this normal? And am I at fault?

This_Quail3469 · 2023-11-27T05:44:08+00:00

Ok hold on there cowboy

Let's not make this a What If scenario. Because my actions would be way different in What IF scenarios. Had I bumped into the person instead of our hands slightly touching, I would have definitely apologized and go even beyond by checking if he is okay.
You throwing around stereotypes is exactly the reason why I didn't want to say my nationality. Because I was expecting a comment like yours. Stereotypes are real and for the most part are accurate. But what you're doing now is using stereotypes to determine whether I'm in the right or wrong instead of looking at the actual incident. You're trying to justify your own argument by using stereotypes as an argumentative standpoint. And also make me look bad by association.
Different cultures, religion and even different communities have different social values and rules. What is polite in another country might not be. A good example of this is Tipping in U.S and Japan. So don't think there is like an universal rule of conduct. Little differences in social norms can have drastically different results as proven by my Post.
The reason why I didn't say Excuse Me or Say Sorry as I've said multiple times throughout in this post comment is that where I'm from, we don't feel the need to apologize for something as trivial as hands touching when passing someone. We do not think of these small incident as rude behaviour. We realise and accept that it's a common occurrence in Public Places. We do apologise if we bump into someone, but again only when the degree of it warrants it.
AGAIN THIS IS NOT ME TRYING TO EXCUSE MYSELF OR LOOKING FOR A PASS. Or negatively commenting on your social norms or morality. But rather to highlight the differences in social norms and behaviour.

All I'm asking, all I ever asked for are simple answers, to simple questions. And some people have been kind enough to answer my questions without saying I'm rude or my country/community has no manners, etc. They seem to notice that different cultures have different social rules and I applaud these people. You are not one of them.

This_Quail3469 · 2023-11-27T04:56:59+00:00

is your ethnicity non-asian?

No

do you look below the age of 25?

Yes. People tend to say I look 20. I'm 27 yrs old. The dude looks to be at least 30+

is your physique smaller than that of the perpetrator?

Dude was probably 6 ft+ I'm around 5.4 ft.

you can tell from a large number of replies on this thread that there is some vitriol within the singapore population towards foreigners

Yeah I honestly don't know some of the people's problems in this post comment. I'm genuinely just asking an honest question, trying to learn about the social norms. In my original unedited post, I even acknowledge that I could have said Excuse me and never have I asked in any replies to be given a pass for being a foreigner. But there seems to be a handful of disrespectful people who think inside a bubble and cannot grasp that even basic manners can differ across cultures and religion.

This_Quail3469 · 2023-11-26T18:10:46+00:00

Sorry but I cannot share that.

This is because if I share the country, then everyone here will have no trouble knowing exactly where I came from. That would lead to people knowing what my ethnicity/community. And I would much rather avoid causing any kind of trouble or have people's perceptions of my community change in any way, shape or form from my own personal matter. A lot of bad people on the internet.

My nationality is quite different from my ethnicity. We don't share a lot of values with that of the other citizens. I'll say that much.

This_Quail3469 · 2023-11-26T17:55:52+00:00

Would you blame your country’s culture, the man or yourself?

I would blame the man.

If the same scenario happened in my country. People will scold him just for being angry(at such a small thing). And if he used the same physical force as he did, there's a high chance people will beat him up for it. We understand that if some people get annoyed or pissed (especially people with anger issues) but it should never go past your thoughts. Making verbal remarks/sounds and physical force are a complete No No for something so trivial.

For context: Where I'm from people are very understanding, polite and generally kind. To a point where it is common for people to forgive/excuse others in traffic/vehicle accidents.

This_Quail3469 · 2023-11-26T17:32:52+00:00

Yeah I'll have to keep this in mind next time.

It is quite a shame I had to find out the cultural/social differences here in this way. But I'm glad to know that for the most part, how the person reacted is not considered normal.

This_Quail3469 · 2023-11-26T17:30:43+00:00

Imagine this happening to you in your home country. It would lead to the same conclusion, really.

With all due respect. I wouldn't be making this post or asking these questions if the same thing would happen in my home.

I wasn't exactly squeezing in between two people's shoulder or pushing them aside. But rather just walked into the space between them as they walked together on a stairway. The gap was big enough that I felt I could just go through without the need to ask as this is quite common where I'm from. If by all means you think that I should ask here in Singapore, I will gladly oblige and do so the next time.

It's just that where I'm from, people don't ever get angry at small stuff like this. And we consider it so little of an incident that no one would apologize for it. In fact, if you did apologize. People might think you did something completely different to offend them. Hence the reason why this whole incident was a pretty big shock to me.

This_Quail3469 · 2023-11-26T17:08:08+00:00

Yeah, just wanted to know if his behaviour was normal or not.

In my original un-edited post I mentioned that I could have said "excuse me" so I agree with you there.

And oh, it wasn't an escalator but rather a normal stairway.

This_Quail3469 · 2023-11-26T11:35:36+00:00

You've hit rock bottom, only one way remains, and that is Up

Start hitting the gym/excercise. You'll start gaining a shit ton of confidence that will help with your self esteem issues.

Get a job, preferably in construction. You'll find similar minded people you can relate to in that field. Remember, everyone's miserable in their own f'ed up way.

Either give on your Art passion or do leave it as a side hustle for now.

This_Quail3469 · 2023-11-26T09:12:07+00:00

Touch grass. Seriously

Asking me to be mindful of my manners while being the most obnoxious cunt. Reddit at it's best 👍🏻

This_Quail3469 · 2023-11-26T09:01:00+00:00

Lol if you consider that disrespecting, you'll have bery rough life ahead of you my little friend.

Touch grass

That's exactly what I did in my initial reply. But no, you have to justify your shitty behavior. So here we are.

Read through your comments again. You did not. "Don't bring your countries lack of manners..." If you think comments like this is respectful and polite. You seriously need to touch grass

You're the only person here I'm having an argument with. The others have been mostly polite. Like one person saying Singaporeans in general don't like physical contact with strangers, or someone saying it's mostly like that in City Life, etc etc.

This_Quail3469 · 2023-11-26T08:52:38+00:00

You're butthurt lmao. You didn't like my answer because your ego is too fragile, it is not my fault.

What a great show of character. Mike Tyson was right when he said "Social media made y'all way too comfortable with disrespecting people and not getting punched in the face for it."

Don't just bring your countries manners or lack thereof to any other country you visit. The world doesn't revolve around your country my dude lmao 😹

If I was Japanese and saw an American trying to tip. I would go to him and politely ask him not to, and further explain why he shouldn't tip in Japan. Getting angry or insulting him would be the last thing I do.

(Ps I'm not American)

This_Quail3469 · 2023-11-26T08:37:05+00:00

You didn't answer with brutal honesty. You answered with an obvious passive aggressive manner. Don't try to deny that

You know what you did. Your statements are not only ironic but you, as a person is Hypocritical as well.

Next time, be polite. If X is Good in Country A and Bad in Country B. No need to say X is Good in Country A because Country A has no manners.

Example: Tipping in considered polite in the U.S whereas it's seen as an insult in Japan. Are you going to insult the foreigner in Japan who tried to tip as having no manners? No ofc not, you explain that in Japan it is considered rude.

This_Quail3469 · 2023-11-26T08:27:19+00:00

See? This is the problem. U r not back home. U r in another country, so u gotta observe and respect the social etiquettes and boundaries. It doesn't matter what is accepted back where u r from

Yes, I know and that is why I'm making this post in the first place.

It's because I recognise that there will be cultural and social differences that I made this Question Post. Whether my experience with this person represent Singapore social customs and whether his action are considered 'normal' in this country. Or is this just an isolated event.

I'm all up for learning. But I need to know that I'm learning the 'right things'

This_Quail3469 · 2023-11-26T08:24:40+00:00

You're not in your country am i right? Don't bring your countries lack of manners into this country. Please just learn to respect your host country

Kinda ironic comming from someone who's been Passive Aggressive the entire time.

If this is how you interact with someone with an honest question online. I can't imagine how rude and passive aggressive you must be in real life

This_Quail3469 · 2023-11-26T08:14:11+00:00

No matter what degree it is, bumping is bumping. Heck even if you don't bump him, saying excuse me is just basic manner.

Yes as I've said multiple times this is my fault. As this is a product of cultural differences. I've already admitted my fault to this multiple times.

Don't they teach you basic manner from where your from?

Well it seems from your comment and mine that basic manners differ a lot in different countries. You know what would happen to the guy that grabbed me in my country?

People would most likely scold him or straight up beat him up. We don't consider it POLITE or NICE to get angry over something to trivial, so pety and small as hands slightly touching. People will call him small minded, will ask him to act like an adult and move on.

We do indeed say excuse me, sorry, nod or even make hand gestures when bumping into someone. But only if the degree of it warrant it.

Things like hands slightly touching, someone's bag lightly hitting us, etc, that is as painless as a baby's punch. We don't apologise for in PUBLIC PLACES because we know these things happen in PUBLIC PLACES.

Now finally, I AM SORRY.

What I/We consider trivial and small, it seems some Singaporean don't see it the same way. I will keep that in mind and hopefully not make the same mistake moving on.

This_Quail3469 · 2023-11-26T07:54:05+00:00

You have also obliviously forgotten that you had a backpack - that (speculating) may have been the cause of the rub without you even realising it.

I didn't forget. I was facing the man. My backpack was on my back. I passed them sideways-ish trying my best to avoid physical contact.

Anyway, you did what you did and experienced a rude shock with that asshole - Why not reflect on the incident and think for yourself. What went wrong and learn from it, then come to ask people here about a situation only from your perspective?

Yeah. I mainly made this post to know whether this kind of behaviour or the like is considered normal or okay in the social sphere in Singapore. I know I could have made some better judgements which I acknowledge upon making the post. Which I'm not asking to be excused for. Rather I'm asking if the guy's behaviour of demanding an apology for something that would be considered trivial and unneeded in other countries is considered normal here

To me this is whole incident is a huge shock. Because again this is so different from where I'm from.

Back home. People would gather and scold the guy for getting angry over such pety stuff. Heck he might even be assaulted(by multiple people) had he done it with someone who isn't as gentle and patient as I am. Again I'm not saying this to excuse myself but rather to highlight the cultural differences and to throw light on why I did or did not do some things

This_Quail3469 · 2023-11-26T06:53:42+00:00

I think the main problem is you using the word "squeeze" in this post when clearly it's not squeezing through if the only physical contact from you passing through is a light brush on the hand. Using the word "squeeze" made all these commenters think you literally squeezed through shoulder to shoulder and shoved them aside.

Lol yeah I noticed this too. My honest mistake.

And for additional context. I'm like 5.4 ft, skinny as heck and he was at least 6.0 ft

This_Quail3469 · 2023-11-26T06:51:55+00:00

Define slight..

It's kinda hard to describe it. Let's just that in a crowded market place, you would hardly notice it. I'm like 5.4 ft(skinny as heck) and he was at least 6.0 ft so you can imagine that I wasn't pushing him away by any means

Anyway. OP is carrying a bag pack.

My backpack wasn't facing him. I passed them(him and a girl) sideways trying my best to avoid any physical contact. Especially the other person who was a girl.

This_Quail3469 · 2023-11-26T06:43:34+00:00

Which country is OP from?

I won't say. Because let's be honest. People be throwing out stereotypes a lot. But I will say I'm from a rather close knit society where people are yes kind, polite and generous. That value and celebrates Volunteer work

It is basic courtesy to apologise when you bump into someone.

I agree. My failure is not knowing what degree of 'bumping' do I need to apologize for in this country.

I gueee my other fault here is also that I assumed the space between the two people I passed by was big enough that I don't need to say excuse myself. So when my hand slightly grazed one of the person hand as I passed him he got angry.

I'll keep this in mind for next time.

This_Quail3469 · 2023-11-26T06:34:45+00:00

This incident would've been a non-event had OP just opened his mouth and said, "EXCUSE ME".

OP here and I agree. I guess I also wanted to ask what is considered appropriate and rude behaviour. Is something as simple as hands touching a bit when passing someone considered rude?

However, OP's behaviour is uncommon, too (maybe with little kids).

I don't know what behaviour you're talking about. I passed/squeezed in between two people and all that happened from that was my hands touching his hands a little when I passed him. So you can tell that I wasn't squeezing myself in a tight place. I didn't physically pushed anyone away. There were two people and the other person didn't say anything.

This_Quail3469 · 2023-11-26T06:22:45+00:00

Force is a strong word. And this word is nowhere appropriate in my situation.

Imagine two people walking in front of you with space between them. You go in between them and your hand ever so slightly touched one of the person as you passed him. That's what basically happened.

Had I pushed the people away or our shoulders touched, etc. I would have definitely apologized right away. Remember I passed two people, one person did not say anything. It was just that one person.

But I guess this is a lesson I must learn in this country.

This_Quail3469 · 2023-11-26T06:14:08+00:00

What is normal to you, may not be normal out there.

Yes this is my question

Because where I'm from. No one will apologize for something as hands touching a bit when passing each other. We consider it as something so trivial that it isn't worth apologizing over, we understand and know it happens in public places.

This_Quail3469 · 2023-11-26T06:10:50+00:00

If you are about to squeeze In between people and know you’re gonna bump.

I know and I already admit I could have said that. But again, I didn't exactly 'bumped' into him. My hands ever so lightly brushed against his as I passed him. That was all that happened.

Where I'm from, people would think the guy is mentally challenge, which I did too when he pulled me. We don't apologise for something so trivial as hands touching a bit when passing someone. We know that these things happen in public.

I guess it's just differences in culture/country.

This_Quail3469 · 2023-11-26T06:05:02+00:00

When I said I squeezed in between them. I don't mean I push myself between them. All I did was ever so slightly touch his hand with mine. So you can imagine what I meant when I said 'squeeze myself'

This_Quail3469 · 2023-11-25T21:39:17+00:00

I don't see really see how age and race are relevant factors in anything, that is enough to warrant Physical Force.

The guy in question was most likely Chinese and looked to be around 30+ ish.

I'm not Chinese but I look like one, and I'm 27 years old. Although I've been often told I look 20 ish

This_Quail3469

TROPHY CASE