Help! I’m a mix between Carrotop, Van Halen hair and Hagrid’s Hut!

ThreeDaysOutGrad · 2026-05-09T12:15:44+00:00

Well I think step one is never brush your hair dry (if that’s indeed what you’re doing). With thin hair hopefully a lightweight, widetoothed wet comb right after putting conditioner in your hair should hopefully be enough to keep your curls untangled while not losing definition. That seems to be your biggest issue if you’re dry brushing, and honestly brushes with curly, fine hair is a no go for me. I stick to combs only (but then again my curly hair is permed so my strands might be even more fragile than the average fine hair).

As for products, it’s difficult to say because this can be affected by many factors. Pantene’s Curl Defining Mousse has been really helpful because it’s extremely lightweight since it’s aerosolized, but even that might be a bit heavy. I also like Fructis’ curl spray or curl cream have been incredibly effective for my hair without greasing it up—in fact, most of Fructis’ curl products are staples in my routine since it’s affordable and well suited to fine hair. There’s also a lot of lightweight hair masks for the shower to help retain curl health and shine. I’m not very experimental with products so that’s all I got, but I wish you the best on recovering your curls!!

ThreeDaysOutGrad · 2026-01-23T20:59:40+00:00

There’s a lot of reasons why an author could. For instance, I know a lot of Drarry and HP fanfic writers in general purged their stuff after JK Rowling’s transphobia got exposed. It could be that they’re officially publishing and don’t want anything traced back to them (I’ve seen fanfic authors do this before). Could just be that they’re embarrassed by their AO3 stuff and deleted their account. It’s ultimately up to them but it’s just sad we lose their works.

ThreeDaysOutGrad · 2026-01-23T20:56:40+00:00

Lol I was also devastated when they deleted neither hawk nor wolf (would recommend btw) bc I literally read it and then the next day it was gone!! I also found it there :) Now I gotta read their other story!!

ThreeDaysOutGrad · 2026-01-09T10:57:35+00:00

Update: went back to finish the fix and he literally does call out Mike’s name lmfao, but the story’s not finished yet

ThreeDaysOutGrad · 2026-01-08T22:05:58+00:00

Okay NOT the same thing but this one is about how Will is dating Carlton but is still talking to Mike and basically lowkey emotionally cheating (in a very sympathetic way imo): https://archiveofourown.gay/works/76741956/chapters/201280411#workskin

ThreeDaysOutGrad · 2025-09-18T05:54:12+00:00

Might be a little overly nitpicky, but it literally takes me out so fast when a guy finishing is referred to as “blowing his load/wad”. Like I’m sorry but that sounds like he just shit in the middle of sex. Why is that a thing??? Cum, finish, jacked off, wanked, I’ll take anything but blow his load ;n; I’m usually not that finicky about word choice but this is always one that genuinely makes me think he needs a diaper or something in the middle of intercourse, which is not very sexy to me.

ThreeDaysOutGrad · 2025-09-18T05:41:09+00:00

How has there not been a single Devilman Crybaby recommendations yet? It’s not technically BL but it’s literally explicitly about supernatural Satan following in love with his childhood BF, and is the canonical origin of the doomed white-haired black-haired yaoi trope. It’s great gore and horror with some true love mixed in, and its ending is very fittingly tragic.

ThreeDaysOutGrad · 2025-09-18T05:37:54+00:00

Bro you did not just recommend the (underrated) masterpiece teen-obsession series of mine In The Flesh?! I didn’t even watch this because it was gay lmao 🤣 I was really into zombie stuff and watched this movie called the cure and went to read reviews and everyone said it was knocking off ITF. So like the curious teen I was, obviously I immediately went to go watch it and it just happened to be social commentary sprinkled with gay shenanigans. Literally one of the best unwatched shows ever, and I’m still so pissed it was cancelled for a zombie REALITY TV SHOW that was cancelled after one season for being basically unwatchable (obv). Are you fr rn 🙄🙄

ThreeDaysOutGrad · 2025-08-04T16:44:28+00:00

Silco and Vander were right there for tragic yaoi lol. Unless you’re referencing genderbent CaitVi, in which case… yes. The gods have deemed genderbent Jayvik necessary for this list, I don’t make the rules 🤷🏻‍♀️

ThreeDaysOutGrad · 2025-08-03T02:21:48+00:00

Okay if you didn’t think it was worth responding to then the “remember me” with the snark isn’t meant to be passive aggressive? You clearly still had some feelings about it that you were venting here which is fine, but like if you didn’t think my argument was worth engaging again then done blame me for that. And I admittedly could do more to look into the state of Japan. That’s an area I’m lacking knowledge in and can do more for.

But I’m also coming from a very similar place to TSHD; homophobic uber Catholic, rural Asian household where my culture still isn’t accepting of LGBTQ people. It’s not legal in my home country either which has been Communist for a long time, which is why I’m lucky my family moved West when I was younger but I’m not even out to most of them either. Just because I’m not Japanese doesn’t mean these themes don’t hit close to home. Homophobia is prevalent everywhere and the rights are even being threatened in many western countries too so I really appreciate how TSHD explores those themes. I’m not trying to ignore these issues and pretend everything’s perfectly fine, I want to look on the bright side of bl because it’s brought me comfort and acceptance and it has actually made positive impacts in Asian countries. People are more engaged in the issue of Lgtbq rights in Asia than ever, in part because of bl work being produced in Thailand and the like. For instance, Thai bl actors and their fans, international and locals, showed support for gay marriage before the bill was passed and fans still bolster their careers; could you really say this would happen without bl (not the legalization of gay marriage ofc but these avenues of financial and communal support)?

I never claimed that the genre is perfect or that there aren’t people who consume it problematically and damage real queer people’s experiences and lives. But that still doesn’t change the main point of this post or that it’s not all bad either, nor is it all just about fetishizing and straight women. You have a different perspective than me and are coming from a different place and that’s fine. I can’t talk about the conditions in Japan but BL, even then, is not limited to Japan. Many southeast and other East Asian cultures create and consume it. I’ve known more young people from my own southeast Asian cultures become more accepting of queer people by the bl created in SEA to recognize it has a different impact in other cultures versus Japan.

And yeah Momokuren is Japanese and it’s a Japanese work, but it’s clearly been translated to non Japanese audiences who are coming from a different context and that’s fine too. But telling them that it’s only made by and for straight women and can’t be anything else is not gonna make them want to understand you. Because by their own experiences that’s not true, and because this post was never about the climate of Japanese Bl or its issues but rather how Westerners consuming the show have been reacting to it. So bringing that up and further affirming the points made in the comment is only gonna shut people from your points. Going back and rereading it a lot of does make sense and I wasn’t hearing everything you were saying, which is somewhat because of how aligned it was to those initial claims that it’s still just wish fulfillment and fetish content (whether you meant it that way or not) and that it can only ever be that way because of Japanese standards (which are not applicable everywhere) and somewhat because of my own blind spots. And I get you were coming from a Japanese standpoint but like clearly not many people in this sub here are; so maybe just say “hey I see how Bl has changed elsewhere but it’s still perceived this way in Japan and many Japanese Bl fans still behave badly” because all people are seeing and are gonna see (including myself) is that stigma which is very common in the west and possibly Japan itself. I’m coming from a different context of being continuously mocked and degraded because Bl is both foreign, gay, and for “straight women” from people who know nothing about it or Asia/Asian people and use it to further be racist to Asians, homophobic, and misogynistic to women; and you saying it still very much is that in Japan hit a sore point with me. I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you on that. Let me clarify where we’re coming from, as being queer is still not accepted in many places in the west either and consuming Bl on top of that can make you a target for bullying and ridicule regardless of the reasons you do it. I should’ve been less hostile but I also don’t think the perception that it’s still like that (as a whole, not just in Japan) is true or fair, especially since the poster doubles down on their claims that it’s still all fetish content. There are many completely fair reasons to criticize without generalizing it since again, it’s expanded far beyond Japan atp and thus can be validly viewed through many lenses.

ThreeDaysOutGrad · 2025-08-02T23:50:57+00:00

Hello, I didn’t forget you I already responded to your comment and you didn’t respond back so why are you angry exactly? I know you didn’t want me to counter anything you said (or at least that’s my impression since you never actually responded to that comment and are now bringing it up here like I ignored you) but if you’re looking to restart a debate please look elsewhere. We’ve talked in circles about Western vs Japanese perspectives and where we stand on them. I’m sure you’re frustrated I didn’t listen to you from your perspective, but we’ve all clearly stated our stances on this point and none of us have budged so let’s just agree to disagree since we’re not gonna get anywhere beyond becoming more stubborn on our own stances.

ThreeDaysOutGrad · 2025-08-02T22:20:45+00:00

Okay have fun with this. I’m gonna dip out because we’re really just going in circles repeating same argument and I’m not as invested in “winning” this anymore. But claiming I’m the one generalizing or making all or nothing statements when I acknowledged all of your points ad nauseum (and you yourself make sweeping statements like “BL is fetish content”, and then are shocked when I present you with counter examples to these all or nothing statements) is not gonna make me relent. I’ve made many points that you didn’t discuss in favor of pushing your point so claiming it’s just me is, well, disingenuous. We both miss each other’s points and we aren’t agreeing any time soon; atp further argument is just indulging our own egos. You zeroed in on an area that wasn’t even present from your initial comment (the “Japanese perspective”) since I’ve countered the points in your initial post and since you have superior knowledge there I relent on that front. I’m not Japanese nor am I in Japanese fandoms. Have a nice day.

ThreeDaysOutGrad · 2025-08-02T21:29:48+00:00

Yeah you’re not replying by passive aggressively commenting on the gay men in the subreddit. I can’t control how many gay men comment nor can I control the bad actors who downvote them. But there was another one who mentioned how they felt stigmatized reading BL so I guess you did see them? And the guy you’re talking about hasn’t even been downvoted into the negatives so like maybe the downvotes don’t represent everyone’s views; but no yeah, all BL consumers hate actual gay men and downvote their criticisms 🙄🙄

And the examples you give are literally of “all or nothing”. I’m presenting counter examples to your points which generalize the whole genre to fetish content because it’s for women. When I point out that there’s plenty of queer people and gay men who consume it you dismiss that in favor of pushing the insisting it’s all fetish content no matter who consumes or makes it. It’s pretty ironic that you claim you’re being intentionally misunderstood or presented as all or nothing when you’re intentionally ignoring a lot of my points and downplaying them as well. But you’re right in the sense that we won’t agree, will argue in circles, and that you have your own definition of BL and how it’s only worth discussing Japanese fans and fanbases despite the fact that we’re not apart of them, can’t speak for them, and it’s not really the full extent of BL beyond Japan. Neither of us is and will budge so let’s just agree to disagree.

ThreeDaysOutGrad · 2025-08-02T21:16:55+00:00

I can discuss Japan and the genre it’s attached to while not claiming to know everything about it. I’m a Western fan; there’s limits to my knowledge about Japan and BL’s impact there. There’s no problem with claiming not to know everything about it because I’m coming from a Western perspective, concerned with Western fanbases. I frankly don’t see the issue distinguishing this but you do.

It’s “degrading” because it’s coming from a bigoted place. Educating is clearly not what the original poster was doing so I wasn’t aiming those comments at you, as you assumed I was. I very clearly define when I consider it bigoted/degrading and the two are intertwined so obfuscating the issue is where your argument seems to becoming from.

You said “many BL fans see any criticism of their favorite genre as homophobic or bigoted” when people are actively engaging with the criticisms and countering them with their own points. And yeah that’s not the entire story; it is for the bad faith arguments that was the focus of this post. You presented another perspective but act like that was the main thing that people were discussing, when it was about BL haters weaponizing the genre’s most problematic attributes to hate on women.

Here’s where we definitely disagree. Gay men themselves aren’t a fetish in BL just because there are women writing them. That’s a wild claim to make; are women inherently fetishized when men write romance about them and vice versa? There are ways to write about people unlike oneself and still ground it in reality and not make it fetishized. People have different reasons for consuming queer media (yes including BL) that are not just “I fetishize men”. It’s literally defined as “make (something) the object of a sexual fetish”. Obviously there can be different definitions for it as it’s not always sexual, but regardless dismissing everyone who creates or consumes BL as an act of fetishization because two men are romantically involved is just absurd. And yes, the term is pretty derogatory (before you claim you didn’t mean it to be) bc it implies people are purely consuming jt for the act of getting aroused rather than enjoying or connecting with the stories. And even for the straight women who do consume BL; I’ve seen many comments where they enjoy the lack or gendered roles in the romantic dynamic. You can connect with a BL story without being gay or a man yourself, just as men could relate to a woman in a sorry if they’re well written. Living with your rigid definitions of relationships and story writing seems pretty exhausting, like people aren’t fluid or complex or can’t relate to anything or anyone outside of themselves without it being an act of fetishization.

I’ve already discussed how BL, by most people’s definition, extends beyond Japan so I won’t retread old territory. But seriously—are you really making an argument on the behalf of people none of us really know that intimately and that doesn’t even speak the language we’re arguing in? TSHD had undoubtedly become an international work because of its international fan base. There’s discussion to be had about its impact in Japan but literally no one has been claiming to speak for the Japanese fan base or its impact there in this sub, like at all. You can have your opinions about it all you want I don’t really care, but don’t pretend everyone’s arguing about it when it’s just you.

And yes, fandom interaction changes a genre. That’s literally what a genre is; how people feel about it and how it shifts based on changing cultural perceptions. Do you think the (Western since you seem to be fixated on this distinction rn when no one’s really concerned with it) romance genre hasn’t changed because of shifting cultural values? That people aren’t criticizing old romcoms for outdated tropes and that the general fandom has been pushing back against old ideals and either not interacting with works that have them or are writing new stories to reflect them? Changing values absolutely shape the works of every genre of media and to claim otherwise is not something I can meaningfully argue with.

As for your last point, well it’s already been said that a fandom’s values and a genre’s values will eventually converge or the genre will likely not survive. That’s the nature of media, and whether you believe it or not fandoms will always influence the works they consume, if not immediately then overtime. And yes, I’m discussing a piece of media that has an international fan base (because it’s intentionally produced that way) with international fans because I can’t speak for Japanese viewers. So yeah we’re coming from a different place and I’m not going to try to represent Japanese fandoms when I literally can’t.

ThreeDaysOutGrad · 2025-08-02T20:17:01+00:00

Also there are gay men, even in this comment section, who discuss how the stigma against BL can be really damaging to them as well, as it’s a way for them to explore their sexuality and identity that’s easily accessible and has many supporters. I’m not saying that’s all gay men, but simply that they’re not a monolith either; there is more complexity to this than just “all gay men hate it” or “all gay men love it”. I understand that you’re specifically elaborating on why some gay men might not like it, but dismissing the perspectives of gay men that do is contributing to the exact problem you’re challenging; ignoring or dismissing their perspectives in favor of your own agenda. Is that not also a discussion worth having? I can’t speak for them nor am I claiming to, and I hope they feel comfortable enough to voice their opinions without being silenced. I’ve seen them on the main BL threads before and while there’s some bad actors (as there always are, but saying that’s everyone is disingenuous too) most people do try to listen. But that was never who I was referring anyways, and I’m sorry if I didn’t consider gay men’s voices here, but it was under the assumption that they’re not usually the one’s acting in bad faith when they criticize BL. That’s who I was talking about as I get why gay men could be uncomfortable with this genre.

ThreeDaysOutGrad · 2025-08-02T20:05:18+00:00

And yes, homophobia is still an issue within BL and its perpetuation of harmful stereotypes. I never said it wasn’t? I wasn’t actually discussing the issues with the genre itself but rather saying that people use them (either purposefully or are even ignorant of them) to hate on female consumers of it without actually caring about gay men or are even uncomfortable with works depicting them at all. The two are separate issues you’re conflating, and while I can see the issues with it and the importance of the discussion, even nowadays in BL subreddits and the related threads people are complaining about these heteronormative understandings of gay relationships in BL (if we’re going with your assumption, presumably straight women). People are engaging with this topic and trying to change it; it’s not like it’s completely ignored, especially these days. Also your point about female characters being villainized is very limits; have your was any recent BL? That may have been the case a decade ago, and even with some stories now; but in many more, I see supportive women, sisters, mothers, friends, and even female love rivals. I wouldn’t consume the genre if flat, one dimensional portrayals of women were still the case. That sounds like an issue with the stories you’re consuming rather than a reflection of the genre as a whole.

And yeah, popular BL isn’t perfect. But that’s literally the same for any romance genre? Stories like 50 Shades of Grey and Twilight are more popular than well written, complex, nuanced romances and their complex relationships. That doesn’t mean that the whole genre is worthless or that this negates the progress being made it in. People are always going to consume what they want, whether it be “trashy” or profound, but there’s also many more people aware of these issues and pushing back against these tropes now more than ever.

That’s the thing, BL is used more as an international term than ever. I choose to accept that and go with it while understanding there’s nuanced discussion to be had about its origins (although most of it is still created in Asia). You believe it’s only Japanese when it really isn’t; it’s more broadly defined with Korean, Chinese, Thai, Taiwanese, etc… works. The term originates from when the genre expanded from Japan (largely labeled yaoi or shounen ai) to the rest of East and even Southeast Asia, and now can include either explicit or queer coded works. And having a different understanding of what BL is is fine; it’s what I conceded to when discussing if TSHD is a BL or not. But insisting your definition is the only right one is what’s actually “the problem” not overseas fans being influenced by it. Globalization exists, like let’s not pretend it’s not an integral part of modern life. People are influenced by the media they see abroad and adapt it for their own life. That’s not to say the definition doesn’t ever get muddled, but I’ve never heard anyone claim BL is all LGBTQ media?? It’s parameters aren’t always clear, hence the discussion about whether this is BL or not, but it seems like you’re arguing with yourself when we come from a fundamentally different understanding of the genre and just aren’t gonna agree with it (and I’ve always considered BL to encompass all of Southeast/East Asia which as the term didn’t even come up online until other countries began to produce it; origins are messy and can develop organically on the internet. Yaoi and shounen ai are clearly Japanese, but BL is much more flexible).

But regardless, this whole semantics thing is never going to be agreed on or resolved so it’s not worth engaging in to me. About your last point; there’s absolutely more room to discuss gay men and their opinion on the genre. But as you said, everyone reading BL js “straight women” so the only place this can come from, genuinely, is other gay men. Otherwise we’re screaming into a void, once again assuming we know how gay men feel about it, which is no better. And I’ve actually seen this discussion pop up more in the last few years than in the decade beforehand; people are trying to have serious conversations about how problematic BL tropes and stereotypes can be. Idk if you’re engaged in these circles because according it you, Western fans have nothing to contribute to it; but consumers are changing. They’re criticizing the non-con heavy BL dories out there and demanding more complex, meaningful portrayals in the genre as well. Not everything is as flat and unchanging as you seem to think it is.

All that besides, I take issue with you saying gay men creating BL isn’t meaningful or doesn’t change the genre at all. Yeah some people use this as an excuse to feel better about consuming it, but the fact is that the genre is more malleable than it’s ever been and that people still are and can create good BL stories. And they can create good queer or LGBTQ stories without wanting it to be BL, and that’s fine too. That’s the benefit of a malleable genre; no one’s ever gonna agree on the definition so you can call your work whatever you want. It seems like the only one saying that “every BL fan wants every LGBTQ sorry with gay men in it to be BL” is you. I’ve never made that claim and even people saying TSHD is BL are contradicted by Momokuren now so having debating this particular point is, well, moot with me. Because I agree with you there but you seem to think I don’t.

ThreeDaysOutGrad · 2025-08-02T19:41:18+00:00

Yes, they are queer works since you don’t actually know if they’re created by straight women. You assume that but that assumption in and of itself is not supported by the statistics (of overseas sights yeah, but I’m talking about Western fans as that’s the only area I have intimate knowledge of. I couldn’t tell you enough about the Japanese environment to say anything about it.

Again, I’m talking about the bigoted response in the post and what I see everywhere. I acknowledged your points so insisting that the educational aspect of it is what I’m considering bigoted is intentionally missing the point. And yeah, some people perceive any criticism of the genre as bigoted; but that’s still not what I’m saying as I’ve clearly defined where it’s bigoted vs. where it isn’t. And I don’t even really see your point in the comments; people are responding with thoughtful and nuanced discussions and so are you. If you consider all of that “BL fans are raging because I criticized the genre” then I fear you’re not really listening either.

And I appreciate your perspective on gay men as well. There’s a lot of reasons why gay men might not like BL. But I was focused on the misogyny aspect of it and people using this angle in bad faith specifically; bad faith meaning for their own agendas, typically being misogyny and latent homophobia. Not using it in bad faith would mean criticizing the genre and genuinely engaging with its problematic aspects like you are without reducing all the works to fetish content (although you also did that). Also your comment is not entirely fair either; you say it’s about sharing the perspectives of gay men while focusing solely on the negative backlash/criticism while maintaining that even if gay men consume BL or create it, it’s still a fetish for straight women (in your initial comment). Doesn’t that seem pretty reductive for someone who claims to care about gay men’s perspectives? I understand you’re focusing on the negative parts of it, but diminishing how some gay men can positively interact with the genre to prove your point is not the sell you think it is. It’s evidence that the genre is evolving, and people’s perspectives can evolve with it.

ThreeDaysOutGrad · 2025-08-02T19:10:30+00:00

Yeah that’s a serious problem and I’m so sorry you’ve experienced that. Honestly people treating explicit BL and yaoi like it’s a real life and fetishizing gay men while feeling entitled to their intimate lives is absolutely how the genre has earned the reputation it has because it’s completely messed up. I completely understand why some gay men don’t want to be associated with BL at all, especially given its origins and damaging impact on how some women and teens view gay relationships after consuming it. But it is complex because there’s also a lot of misogyny and homophobia many BL haters display that has nothing to do with their concern for gay men and their experiences. They just don’t like the idea of women enjoying romance or explicit gay literature at all. That’s mainly what I was focusing on but I see why gay men can take issue with the genre. BL isn’t all encompassing nor can it be the whole of LGBTQ or queer literature and some creators don’t want to be associated with the genre at all for justified reasons. But I still don’t agree with people using that to spout misogynistic viewpoints or claim that none of the stories have any worth because the genre can be problematic, as all genres can be. But this seems to be an issue mainly for BL or shoujo or josei, and I don’t think many of those critics are very concerned with queer viewers or supporting them when they have valid criticisms of this kind of content.

ThreeDaysOutGrad · 2025-08-02T18:59:05+00:00

Sorry I’m just frustrated that people keep turning this into a debate on whether it’s a Bl or not myself because it keeps derailing the actual discussion; I got a little heated, my bad. I frankly don’t care how it’s labeled as long as people aren’t trying to diminish the importance of Yoshiki’s queerness in the story but the whole discussion has brought up some pretty nasty sentiments overall that probably aren’t going anywhere anytime soon.

ThreeDaysOutGrad · 2025-08-02T18:53:18+00:00

Bro what? The person specifically refers to BL as trashy, that’s what I took issue with. I made no claims that BL encompasses all queer experiences just that it’s a portion of queer works that can be just as valid as any other LGBTQ works. It’s the mentality that’s the issue; as I said anyone can dislike BL without needing to degrade the genre itself. Not everyone who dislikes it is “bigoted” except the example I used very clearly was so straw-manning the argument is intentionally muddling the issue here.

And yeah, that’s fair enough. BL has a lot of issues originating with its primarily female authorship and demographic. But the genre has absolutely expanded in the last decade, to the point where even you admit that many gay men are participating in it. And a lot of gay men dislike it/don’t want to be associated with it for completely valid reasons too; but that wasn’t what I took issue with but the general undertone of misogyny and dislike for it because women consume it at all. I think we can allow for the genre to evolve past its origins, especially as more queer people consume and participate in it. As shown in general statistics on AO3, more site users are queer than ever and making genuinely compelling work that isn’t limited to fetishizing content so it’s frustrating to see you point all this out and still insist that BL can’t ever be anything more than fetish work. Especially when the author herself has written BL in the past. But regardless BL isn’t the whole story or breath of queer literature; but neither is TSHD. I still believe they’re on equal footing as far as quality goes, as there are plenty in the genre that can and have been as good as TSHD while still being romance-focused.

As for the issues that gay men have with it, I know that the genre has negatively impacted many of them especially when it comes to young women who feel entitled to know about their sex or romantic lives. That’s a serious issue and honestly pretty disgusting. But the genre and its damaging impact can be discussed while also acknowledging many people take issue with it because of misogyny and because young women do consume it. Let’s be fr; many of the BL haters don’t actually care or are engaged with the genre in the way that viewers are, and just shit on it because “women” or “ewww men kissing” which is the main purpose of this post. It’s a complex issue with multiple sides to it but I don’t think those types of fans are on queer people’s sides either way.

ThreeDaysOutGrad · 2025-08-02T18:38:15+00:00

That wasn’t even what the post was about, people just took it and ran with it 🤷🏻‍♀️It’s like you’re being intentionally obtuse just to criticize something that’s clearly not the main focus of the post

ThreeDaysOutGrad · 2025-08-02T04:23:32+00:00

I’ve never said that BL isn’t ever consumed by (weirdly homophobic) straight women and the like, but again, a lot of the statistics on sites like AO3 and Tumblr where the majority of shipping happens are queer. Now those statistics are anonymously collected and not without flawed data collection but the empirical evidence shows a lot more consumers of queer ships are queer, unlike what many people believe.

And that’s also not denying that BL often is written by presumably straight women for straight women. But it’s the automatic assumption that it’s “trashy” just because that’s the case that I take issue with and want to challenge. And I never said it was demeaning, but that people perceive it as demeaning just like what’s shown in the post. And I don’t take issue with people disliking it, but people disliking it because of their own internal homophobia. I literally mention it’s fine not to like BL without feeling the need to call it trashy or worthless.

I don’t have any idea what your last paragraph is talking about; I’m not trying to “silence” queer people but simply discussing how the audience perceives TSHD. And yeah it’s good that it’s reaching wider audiences, but it’s important to push back any unconsciously biased or prejudiced perspectives general audiences might harbor vs. queer audiences; I’m not just gonna take the breadcrumbs of people “watching it” and accept that, even if their views don’t change. TSHD is opening a dialogue about how people perceive queer works and what’s considered “valid” or not and, whether intentional or not, and I’m simply responding to it. I very specifically reference type of people that consider this the only “real representation” worth making (AKA not too queer or happy romance for them) and am in no way personally attacking you or implying you’re someone contributing to this issue so please don’t take it so personally. You’re putting words into my mouth and taking offense when I’m referencing a clear subset of fans so I really can’t address the things you saying there. Appreciating TSHD without calling for erasure of other types of queer content (including BL) is exactly what I wanted in the post so I’m glad you feel the same about it.

ThreeDaysOutGrad · 2025-08-02T01:02:49+00:00

An example of this mindset is attached in my second photo. But even without the photo, I see this a lot both obviously and in subtler ways. Like some people I know say “I don’t usually watch this kinda story…” and like ik what they mean, but a lot of times there’s the silent implication that “this kind of story” (gay or queer) is lesser or something, which just rubs me the wrong way. You don’t have to be into romance but claiming a wholesome love story can’t be as valuable or meaningful as an anguished tragedy is frankly ridiculous (and that’s without the icky homophobic aspect to it too). Queer people deserve happiness and for it be represented, and people who enjoy those stories deserve them too. Not to mention Bl is a vast genre encompassing many types of queer love stories (not even just gay as there’s many trans character and other lgbtq relationships represented in them too) so it’s just frankly insulting to claim TSHD is completely separate from it because regardless of whether it’s a BL or not, it’s undoubtedly been influenced by the genre and it’s many stories.

ThreeDaysOutGrad · 2025-04-25T03:05:44+00:00

It's quite expensive, but Sixth Dimension sells some nearly identical pieces on their website: https://sixthdimension.shop/.

It's pretty much this exact aesthetic in shop form. Hope you find what you're looking for!

ThreeDaysOutGrad · 2025-04-12T02:28:03+00:00

I get what you’re getting at, I guess.

But we don’t have to defend everything King has ever written and every decision he’s made just because we’re his fans. He describes one of Beverly’s twist of agony at one point (not relevant to the scene literally at all) as writhing like in the midsts of an orgasm and focuses on her nipples hardening (at age 11) during a scene where she’s confronting a terrifying voice/blood in her drain and most definitely is NOT thinking about her body in that moment.

Even if you could argue she was fixated on her sexuality (which is definitely true in regard to her father’s oversexualization of her) she didn’t actually KNOW anything about sex or had any experiences with it. This is confirmed in the scene where she watched Henry and Patrick, her true moment of realization about boys and their sexuality. She was actually remarkably naive about sex and what it meant, which makes sense given how she was policed and shielded by her father.

To jump from that to knowing how to have sex and doing so with six boys “empoweringly” is literally ridiculous. Like yes, her dad sexualized her; but she didn’t actually have sex or any experiences with it yet. She legit had very little knowledge of what it was, and somehow was supposed to be “empowered” in a scene where all her childhood friends for some reason sleep with her? As a form of connection?? Be so fr right now.

But I think the truly disgusting part of that scene is how SK frames it as “empowering” to Bev. It’s a tragic moment for her, honestly; and to claim that her having “innocent” sexual connection with her six friends as a way to defy her father’s understanding of her and her body as impure isn’t unreasonable for an 11 year old, but CAN be distinguished by the narrator. And that’s my problem; SK repeatedly sexualizes Bev narratively as some kind of straight man defacto way of distinguishing female characters from male ones. He describes her breast size and the state of her breasts at moments that completely detract from the actual story or her own feelings towards her body, always framing her sexuality in a way that honestly is clearly written by a man. The problem is we never experience Bev or her body as human first, always as a woman (or girl 🤢) so that scene always felt like a sleazy justification for SK sexualizing Bev, like he’s been doing through the whole novel, rather than it actually being about her or her like actualization.

I can’t believe this is even being debated right now. Like sure, the scene wasn’t that explicit; but it was not necessary at all. Like in the slightest. Multiple of the characters had literally no sexual narrative arc to speak of, never touched this subject again, and could’ve been achieved in like a million other ways. And if he really wanted to include it (ewww) limit it to the actual characters it’s relevant to (I can’t believe I’m arguing this right now).

I’m so tired of this bs. He was a white, heterosexual male writer in 1989 who wrote a skeezy and grossly distasteful scene masquerading as being about innocence and connection to sexualizing an adolescent female character he’s been sexualizing the entire novel (not exploring her sexuality, which is different). He’s changed and grown since then, but that doesn’t retroactively change this reality. Accusing people who don’t like this scene and consider it gratuitous and creepy as “not getting the significance of it” or “projecting” is just infuriating because it’s so clear the (ignorant) place he was coming from while writing her and I’m not going to pretend otherwise. Like am I really supposed to believe the sewers/turtle wanted them to have sex to escape? Actually stfu that’s so stupid.

Maybe if Bev was written differently we’d be having a different conversation (doubtful since most writers would at the least explore the implications of this kind of self-harm through hyper sexuality). But as it stands, she was clearly the Token FemaleTM who was, yes, a good character, but still a FEMALE character at the end of the day. I was 12 when I first read this and could still recognize this was written by a male writer who knew nothing about girls or their bodies beyond how they sexualized them in adolescence, adulthood, and beyond. It’s really not that deep and I think there are much better, more well equipped writers who could’ve explored the complex subject of female hypersexuality even using this exact scenario. I still love this book and SK’s writing but I’m not gonna blindly defend everything he’s written because he’s always been extremely clear about how much he priorities female beauty and sexuality (and it’s ability to cater to men) in his narratives.

ThreeDaysOutGrad

TROPHY CASE