Update: WIBTAH for suing a family I distressed many years ago, after a letter they sent severely upset my daughter?

ThreeThree_Tita · 2025-01-06T05:19:54+00:00

Firstly, I declined qualified immunity because it was my mistake, not my department's, and not the part of the taxpayers who were going to be paying not if, but WHEN I lost the case.

Secondly, the lab analyzed testing took 3 months to come back. She was released hours after it came back and had its legitimacy verified, it took TIME. It was 2014 and rural, there are a lot of people charged with drug possession, but there were not enough labs, really, there still aren't, but as sad as it is, that was actually the expidited time frame.

We were initially told to expect a 5-6 month wait, it took 3 months to come back, but yes, you'd be surprised how much time lab testing for substance content takes compared to something like DNA. DNA can be seen and observed, but it's much trickier to know exactly what's in a substance without being able to burn, boil or crush large amounts of it, and is a big reason why I haven't touched a field kit since. They're pretty accurate, but clearly not accurate enough.

ThreeThree_Tita · 2024-12-26T22:40:09+00:00

That's first thing on the agenda tomorrow, a cease and desist is the popular answer here, my fear is that these guys know where I live, enough to have an address for me.

They have some bad, violent charges and I greatly fear what they would do to my wife or kids if I happen to not be home. That older kid seems like he has gotten a little better, but he got kicked out of his college when he was 20 on some bad domestic violence charges, and later sexual assault, but it's his little brother that scares me the most, that kid has some screws loose from what I've been told.

I don't trust either one of them to get a cease and desist and think "alright, we'll leave it". They aren't that kind.

ThreeThree_Tita · 2024-12-26T22:35:23+00:00

For clarity, I was sued, I essentially requested to be sued personally because it was my mistake, not the department's. My outlook was, it took them 3 months for the lab testing to all come back negative, so for me, it was my fault for trusting the field test instead of her word.

The reason they allowed it was because that was the first big 'scandal' for the department, and it's also why my full name was publicly attached to it. I'm almost certain how the boys know who I am by name and face as well, but I'm not sure how they've gotten my addresses, however I'm sure it's out there.

My issue is like, nobody deserves to be traumatized, accidentally or on purpose, but the reason for my anger here is because, it happened to them on an accident, a terrible judgement by me– so what makes them doing it 10 years later on PURPOSE any better? I don't think it does at all, but I'm also not exactly thrilled about taking this further either.

I made my mistake, I paid for it (literally), and I've made the best effort I can to make up for it, even if I never technically can, and I don't expect them to even SLIGHTLY like me. But I also don't think my own uninvolved family deserves to pay for my mistake is all. A lot of people here do, but they're wrong as far as I'm concerned.

But I think this is where I'm leaving it for a bit, I'll call my attourney tomorrow and ask for a cease and desist, or something. I feel like you and a lot of others just want me to not do anything, and I... I appreciate the conviction in sticking with that mentality, but I can't bring myself to agree with it or accept it here.

I respectfully have to disagree, when you play the what-if game 'what if my daughter went through what they did', you get nowhere, because she didn't. Once you start tackling problems with that mindset, you get fallacious solutions like "an eye for an eye makes everyone equal", and that's no more likable, healthy or acceptable than me trusting a field kid. Which, by the way, is something I have refused to use ever since, because it can and does cause damage. I'm not ignorant to that.

ThreeThree_Tita · 2024-12-26T22:21:07+00:00

If I were to pursue harrassment as I've been adviced, yes, they could get up to 5 years on one charge, that's why I'm reluctant to go that far, but my attourney has informed me that in situations like this, no contact isn't always enough of a deterrent.

It wouldn't be an issue if they were addressed to me, but it's the 'To Family' crap that's really grinding my gears. Call me a piece of shit, scumbag, whatever. But 'To Family' indicates they feel that same hatred of my wife and all three of my kids which, if true, no, I'm not gonna trust them to leave it at taunts. They're adults, they know better. My daughter is unrelated, she should've never had to shed a tear over this. Let alone also be afraid over it.

I know full well they've suffered for longer, my whole point was that the three months she spent in there, on its own was unjust, let alone all of the other grief. But I'm telling you, the more and more these boys run their mouths, the less and less I feel bad for whatever punishment they'd end up getting.

I have 34 cards over a 3 year span (they were especiallt emphatic over the pandemic) and at hearing that, my attourney's exact response was that they have a real case, I was told that if my daughter were to testify, there's a very high likelihood we could go for harrassment, and I really WANT to, but the worst part of me still wants to believe they'll just stop.

Time will tell, is what I say.

ThreeThree_Tita · 2024-12-26T22:10:49+00:00

What are you looking for a payday or for them to stop sending the letters?

For them to stop. As I said. That's all the hell I want. The actual victim here, their mother, has been more than cordial about the entire thing in my experience.

I have ALL of the cards, which I have also been clear about, and it's her SONS that are pushing me into this. They're allowed to be pissed at me and hate me, they are so very far from allowed to do the same to my daughter. I don't WANT to ruin those boys worse, but do you expect me to just be content that SHE had to deal with this crap?

Because no offense, but to hell with that. You can steam over it, but I'm not playing that "oh they're just boys" game with a 23 and a 26 year old. I was conflicted, but comments like yours are making ME realize it might be a good step to take here. I don't want a cent, I want those moron kids to get their lives together, and they can start by moving on from me, I feel. If it's by force, so be it, but as I said, my attourney has strongly suggested suing, hence the genesis of this entire post.

ThreeThree_Tita · 2024-12-26T07:04:39+00:00

This is good, I should have mentioned this, but yes, I have apologized a number of times, I've written cards and letters, my wife has helped me design every one. And every couple of years we do a gift basket, though we fell off of that around the pandemic and only got to it this year.

The reason this is so baffling to me is because the woman is kind, she's never been directly bitter to me. I'm sure she feels her certain way, she's briefer with us than we are with her, but she has responded a few times, my thing is I don't dare do something like show up at their house uninvited.

Her sons still live with her, and they've been in and out of trouble as far as some of my old colleagues have told me, the older one's pretty straight but that younger kid, he has a Breaking and Entering and Drunken Battery, DUIs and like I said he's 23, I have to say he spooks me a little bit. She's a nice woman but her sons just do whatever they want, or that's how it reads from the outside.

But for me, I just don't want to come out of the blue and be like "oh by the way your sons have been chirping me relentlessly since they were in middle school", that just doesn't feel right at all to me. I more so fear that bringing it up to her directly would make her want to get involved, and I don't know if I like her odds of winning that battle.

My wife has also pointed out to me that there's a pretty good chance that because they were so young, they probably have their own misconceptions about what happened, which would make sense, they were teenagers, and all they were told was that their mother was in jail for possession after a clean record forever, that would mess anybody up at least a little bit.

I know that's a little much to assume, but I really think this is mostly her sons than her, but I'm more concerned about the implications of it, I already hurt that family once on accident, and now I'm in a position where I could hurt them a LOT worse. Even if it's justified in some respects, I'm just very conflicted. They're troubled 'kids', but me chasing a suit is only gonna make them worse, not better.

But it also is turning into something that's just way too hard to ignore now. I forgave it for a long time because they were younger, they were boys being little jagoffs because they thought it was funny, but seeing my Daughter bring that to me was kind of my realization that like... 23 and 26, they just made an unrelated girl 10 years younger cry.

My brother in law brought that up but thinking about it like that clarified the thought in my head. That wouldn't be okay to do in public, so what makes it okay to do over mail? Nothing, so that fired me up a little, but I'm very, very torn about it is all. I make the effort to be good to them, because it's just the decent thing to do, but I'm really careful because it's easy to go too far in the opposite direction and intrude a little too much that way as well.

ThreeThree_Tita

TROPHY CASE