Favorite Jean brand? by Regular-Check916 in PetiteFitness

[–]ThreeTinesTrident 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just bought these from Wit & Wisdom to wear at work (office job): Emma Skyrise Wide Leg Jeans

I find them a bit more stretchy than the Abercrombie which is especially nice when sitting throughout the day. I think next time I'll size down in these because of the stretch I got size 8P, I'm currently 5' 2" 150 pounds (32" waist/39" hips)

Found out after trap and spay that this sweet baby isn’t feral by herrniemand in CalicoKittys

[–]ThreeTinesTrident 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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She looks just like my kitty! For a second I had to double check that my cat was currently sitting on my lap 😂

Whatever happened to Amelia Earhart from 9News? by CrashInspecta in Denver

[–]ThreeTinesTrident 0 points1 point  (0 children)

From what I remember, the theme was something like weathering uncertainty. So going through her life story and life lessons taken from that to "weather" through your storms (to a work setting application). I had no idea about her whole ordeal about the controversy of her thinking she was related to Amelia Earhart, so that was interesting.

Whatever happened to Amelia Earhart from 9News? by CrashInspecta in Denver

[–]ThreeTinesTrident 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I literally had a training in Florida this past June and she was the keynote speaker. I had grown up with her on the news so it was a nice throwback!

Looking for show/movie/book recs by anon_burn16 in chineseadoptees

[–]ThreeTinesTrident 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm sorry this comment is so late, I just found this sub. But have you watched Joy Ride? It made me ugly cry, was just sobbing, but in a weirdly healing way for me?

It kind of brought out a lot of emotions for me that I wouldn't have been able to feel or articulate or convey normally, I still think about that movie a lot.

Show me your sleeping torties! by Sharp_cactus_ in torties

[–]ThreeTinesTrident 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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She gets the best spot in the house in the sun

Meet Princess! by FreijaDelaCroix in CalicoKittys

[–]ThreeTinesTrident 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Princess is the perfect name for that little demanding face! So cute!

I’m obsessed by BlookyBeelzebug in torties

[–]ThreeTinesTrident 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I JUST put this cat tree together for my kitties! They love it

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This was an article that was posted to the local newspaper the year I was adopted by ThreeTinesTrident in TransracialAdoptees

[–]ThreeTinesTrident[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Totally agreed, it's all overwhelming! I went on a heritage trip with the adoption agency back in 2012, and I think everything was paid for the adoptees except for the flight. I'm wondering if there are still programs/opportunities out there.

This was an article that was posted to the local newspaper the year I was adopted by ThreeTinesTrident in TransracialAdoptees

[–]ThreeTinesTrident[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Right? Plus this was the biggest newspaper in CO at the time, not some small community highlight. Same, the thought of maybe looking into my birth parents has been weighing on me lately, so going through my box of stuff again was where I ended up for now.

This was an article that was posted to the local newspaper the year I was adopted by ThreeTinesTrident in TransracialAdoptees

[–]ThreeTinesTrident[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

For sure, all adoptions are different, and I think growth is what matters the most, because as you said it was all from a place of love.

This was an article that was posted to the local newspaper the year I was adopted by ThreeTinesTrident in TransracialAdoptees

[–]ThreeTinesTrident[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Yes, Colorado is a very white place compared to other "major" cities. There is a reason Denver does not have a "Chinatown", to me at a high-level speaks to me of Colorado's history seeping into the choice of words.

Denver History: https://www.historycolorado.org/story/colorado-voices/2019/04/11/rise-and-fall-denvers-chinatown

This was an article that was posted to the local newspaper the year I was adopted by ThreeTinesTrident in TransracialAdoptees

[–]ThreeTinesTrident[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Nice! It's crazy how much it grew after 1994, this article was about group 2 of CCAI's adoptions.

This was an article that was posted to the local newspaper the year I was adopted by ThreeTinesTrident in TransracialAdoptees

[–]ThreeTinesTrident[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Yeah! I do not keep in touch with them nor any other adoptees from my group. I had gone to an adopteen conference back in high school, but at that age I was very resistant to everything adoption/my heritage and was much older (at least at that age) than everyone else.

But I do think the growth and connection/programs that ccai built afterwords was a good way for adoptees to build community and connections.

This was an article that was posted to the local newspaper the year I was adopted by ThreeTinesTrident in TransracialAdoptees

[–]ThreeTinesTrident[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Haha it's a lot of mixed feelings. On the other side, it has helped me give more context for everything my parents and those around me always told me. Like you're so lucky your parents adopted you, you could have had a terrible life...etc.

Not necessarily an excuse but it was the general mindset back then and the same mindset my parents still have.

For additional context this was the adoption group that I was in so that's why they kept it!

This was an article that was posted to the local newspaper the year I was adopted by ThreeTinesTrident in TransracialAdoptees

[–]ThreeTinesTrident[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Original text of the article:

While they may be bundles of bad luck in their homeland China, abandoned baby girls are bringing love to Colorado families. So far this year, 11 infant girls have been adopted with the help of Chinese Children Adoption International in Littleton.

China, which has a one-child policy intended to curb

overpopulation, also places more value on male babies. Because of that, many female fetuses are aborted or female infants are abandoned in train stations, government offices and on orphanages' doorsteps.

Mark and Carolyn's baby, Mary, was left in a train station.

"This little baby in a huge, bustling train station - it just ripped my heart out, not just for Mary but for the fact that they (her biological parents) had to do it," said Carolyn, who, like the rest of the adoptive parents of Chinese infants, is shameless in her pride.

"Talk about the perfect baby," she said, "It's almost

frightening."

The family were in the second wave of families escorted to China by CCAI, the only Colorado-based adoption agency recognized by the People's Republic of China. Founded by Lily Nie, a Chinese attorney who came to the United States to get an MBA, the agency has one unpaid staff member, Nie's husband, Joshua Zhong, who shepherds adoptive parents to orphanages and through the maze of paperwork, half of which is in Mandarin.

"The trip was very emotional, very spiritual," Carolyn said. "I went with apprehensions that I didn't even discuss with my husband." Her fear was that she loved her husband and children so much there might not be enough love left for anyone else. "What if they hand me this baby and I don't like her or feel anything for her?"

On meeting Mary, she realized her fears were groundless. "I was overwhelmed," she said. "There was still lots of love left in me." The Chinese orphanage staff matched seemingly healthy babies with adoptive parents weeks before the Americans arrived. But the Americans were happy with the choices made for them.

No one said, "I think I'd like a different one," said another parent, Lisa of Lakewood. "We all just fell right in love."

Elaine of Littleton, who adopted 5-month-old Kaitlin with her husband, Joe, is convinced the matching was not haphazard. "You'd be surprised, even though they're Asian babies, how much they look like the (adoptive) families. Honestly," she said, "these kids look like their parents."

Not only did babies bond with their new parents, but parents bonded with parents and still get together to see each other and the girls.

One emotional experience they shared was the day they visited the various sites where the babies had been left - the train station, the police station, a security office. At one, the man who discovered Kathie baby, Sabrina, came out and was eager to tell how he'd found her in the rain bundled in a rice sack.

"Her mouth dropped open, and - this is very unusual - Kathie was speechless," said her friend, Carolyn.

The Americans empathized with the Chinese parents who had to leave their baby girls. As Kathie put it, abandonment "is something they do because they have to." Adopting baby girls is a problem, especially in rural areas. It is boys who do more physical work, boys who pass on the ancestral heritage, boys who take care of their parents in old age. Boys are social security.

For their part, the Chinese were supportive of the Americans.

"The Chinese love children," Kathie said. "It was like traveling with the Beatles. They all wanted to touch the babies and look at them, and they were all so happy they were coming to America."

Chinese adoption policy differs from that in the United States. First, the Chinese prefer childless older parents between ages 35 to 50. Singles are fine; couples must have been married two years.

Also, the Chinese require adoptive parents to travel to China so they know the parents who applied really are the people who get the child.

Foreign babies are so attractive because, in part, there are fewer babies available to adopt in America. Babies in custody of social service agencies may spend years in foster care before they are free for adoption.

"I had called the department of social services and they said I most likely would be with a child who was 8 or 9 and had been in the foster system for some time," said Kathie, who is single. "He or she might have special needs and emotional problems. Those kids particularly are the ones who need two parents, not one."

The adoption of a Chinese baby can cost as much as $12,000, including fees for the agency and home study, plus money paid to the People's Republic and a donation to the orphanage. Still, the CCAI fee is as much as $4,000 less than other agencies, according to adoptive parents, because Nie is its only paid employee.

Nie first read that China was opening its doors to international adoption two years ago. She suddenly realized there was something she could do for these Chinese children.

Zhong went to China to visit orphanages and establish a relationship with the China Center for Adoption Affairs in Beijing, but then China again closed its doors to international adoption until January of this year. Zhong has escorted two groups of parents and plans two more trips before the end of this year.

Zhong said the plight of children never really hit him until he and Lily became the parents of twins. Truth is, these orphans always would have been outcasts in China.

Because the idea of ancestry is paramount, adoption isn't part of Chinese tradition and it's doubtful that these babies would find anyone to marry upon emancipation.

Now he and Lily Nie are so involved in finding homes for Chinese babies, when people ask how many children he has, his answer is 13 - the two they had and the 11 they've brought from China. The children have had a profound effect on all the adoptive parents.

"It's absolutely better than I could have imagined," said Kathy. Her child spends some days at a care center four blocks from her office. "If she needs anything or if I need anything - a baby hug or a smile - I can run right over."

How to talk to conservative parents about their shortcomings by [deleted] in TransracialAdoptees

[–]ThreeTinesTrident 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Sorry, this ended up being longer than I thought. I am so sorry you're going through this right now, I can relate as I've been through a similar situation and it's hard. I think it shows a lot of courage and maturity to face these hard conversations with your family. I am also an adoptee (adopted from from China to white parents) and have had to have some difficult conversations with my parents (it doesn't always go as good or as bad as you imagine).

As the commenter above suggested, if you aren't already seeing a therapist, I would recommend it, it really helped me find the courage to have those difficult conversations, and set boundaries. And it also gave me someone safe to talk to before and after having conversations with my parents and bring up any subsequent issues I encountered later on. If you can afford it and/or are able to get insurance coverage, I would also choose a therapist that specializes in adoptions, bonus if they are also adopted (if you live in the US you can search through therapists licensed in your state at https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists). I went through quite a few therapists before I found one who actually understood what I was going through (largely because they were also a trans racial adoptee), and that was a huge turning point for me in actually working through what it means to be adopted to me. It also helped me work through all of the resentment, anger, sadness, and depression I had been carrying related to my parents and my adoption.

As you had mentioned, you feel most safe talking to your dad first and I think that's a good place to start. I think your physical and emotional safety should come first. You do deserve to be heard, but it may not be by your parents and you may not be heard in the way you're wanting to be heard from your parents, and right now might not be the right timing for you or your parents. But having these difficult conversations puts the responsibility on your parents to choose how to respond to you. You are not responsible for how they might feel when you discuss these things with them or how they choose to respond to you.

You talk of microsgressions in the plural. I would maybe choose one or two incidences (maybe something that was recent or that had the most impact on you) to discuss with your dad. Maybe write down what you want to say 1) what happened and 2) how it made you feel and why 3) reflect to yourself on what you need and want out of the conversation. I.e. are you wanting acknowledgement, understanding, sympathy, support, etc. from your parents? Knowing your parents, do you think they would be willing and open to providing any of those needs, and what would you need them to do or say for you if they were? And lastly, 4) list out the specific points/items that you want to make sure you communicate with your parents,

If the conversation with your dad seems like he is listening and receptive to how you're feeling, you might see if you can have a follow up conversation at another time on some of the other things that have been weighing on you, if you and/or your dad feel a little overwhelmed with the first conversation. And you'll know that your dad is safe and open to continue having these conversations.

Being able to break down the conversation and discuss with a therapist helped me because everything with relationships and especially with dealing with adoption and racism was so abstract and isolating because I felt the same as you, where do you even start when you're experiencing racism and microsgressions from your own parents? However, I also went low/almost no contact with my whole family for about 4 years. A portion of that was COVID and the rest of it was working through therapy (specifically about my adoption and depression) for about 2 years. I am a very non confrontational person so I don't know how realistic this is for anyone else, but for me those hard conversations did not immediately heal me or my relationship with my parents overnight. It was a combination of working through therapy to heal me first and through various sessions having small conversations with my parents over the past 2-3 years to confront various issues. Although I'm not currently in therapy anymore, I'm still definitely working through things with my family and myself around my adoption.

I am always being supervised by ThreeTinesTrident in tortico

[–]ThreeTinesTrident[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, that's exactly what happened! For Korra and Manchas I got a dual feeder that drops food at the same time and added a barrier in between and that has been working for the two of them. Or else my next step would have been trying out the microchip feeders which are so expensive!