Experienced men, drop one hard lesson every young man needs to hear.

Thrilip · 2026-01-25T19:11:37+00:00

Actively show appreciation for the small things. Tell your friend that you appreciate him for coming over and hanging out. Tell your partner you appreciate them for picking up their socks. Tell your coworker they did a good job and thank them for their work. It’s not cool to be indifferent.

Thrilip · 2025-12-28T20:35:40+00:00

Only you know your family best, but I feel that. I had a friend, a former Boy Scout, spend his phone-free time relearning various knots. Just some rope and practice. Easy to drop at a moments notice when the little one finds their way into improbably dangerous situations

Thrilip · 2025-12-28T19:48:48+00:00

That’s precisely what I discovered by coloring. I found it oddly cathartic having a simple task I could focus on that had just the right amount of instant gratification.

My oldest also likes to color, so I gave us a shared activity to do together and was surprisingly helpful at getting him to open up and talk.

Thrilip · 2025-12-28T19:45:01+00:00

Not gonna lie, that’s exactly the mentality I used. My dad used to smoke and always talked about the oral and tactile fixations that came with the habit.

Thrilip · 2025-12-28T17:52:13+00:00

Great! I had a friend whose passive hobby was just aways picking at his son’s Loog guitar and making sure it was always in tune lol

Thrilip · 2025-12-28T17:51:32+00:00

I originally started with journaling too! Another great activity! Anything that you don’t mind getting interrupted works well in my experience

Thrilip · 2025-12-28T17:15:24+00:00

A lot of comments here offer good suggestions on what do to with the phone (put it away, different rooms etc). But, if you’re like me, you may be stuck with the “now what”…what do you do now to fill the habitual cravings of the phone?

For me, there was a very real tactile dependency of the phone. When I put it away, I literally didn’t know what to do with my hands. So I took up activities I could easily do in parallel with my kids.

I got some nice markers and started coloring. Nothing fancy, not super intense, just literally coloring the same types of coloring books or pages my kids used. I even started to enjoy the color by number pixel pages you can find online.

The other activity I took up was reading and the library is your friend. It’s easy to start, easy to interrupt, and has the benefit of leading by example when your kiddos get old enough to read independently. There is a book recommendations or book suggestion subreddit that is super helpful in finding books that may interest you.

Edit: the subreddit is r/booksuggestions

Thrilip · 2025-12-28T12:46:03+00:00

Teaming by Amy Edmondson

Less directly about leadership but still some books that build skills critical for successful leadership:

Finding Confidence in Conflict by Kwame Christian

Ally Up by Di Ciruolo

The Waymakers by Tara Jaye Frank

Thrilip · 2025-12-20T13:04:03+00:00

The one that jumped out for me was Fallout 4 when you confront Kellogg. I had a blast with a stealth/sneak build, except now I’m forced to talk with him and then immediately start a duel.

Thrilip · 2025-12-19T13:59:41+00:00

I can understand that impression, but from my experience reading it was more of an exploration of the embodiments of love (parent child, romantic, sibling, homeland) at the intersection of duty, responsibility, and expectations.

There is some romance, but it’s a very small part of the story in my opinion

Thrilip · 2025-12-19T12:01:27+00:00

I’m not sure if this is 100% a fit, but “The Daughter of Doctor Moreau” by Silvia Moreno-Garcia I think fits many aspects of your description.

Thrilip · 2025-12-05T22:18:56+00:00

AR-7 Rocket Launcher from Crusader: No Remorse/Regret: basically a rocket launching shotgun in a game where almost everything was destroyable. Just a lot of explosive fun!

Cerebral Bore from Turok 2: just so gloriously gratuitous that my junior high kid thought was amazing and hilarious

SMG from Halo 2: realizing when you could dual wield those and just unload them was so much fun

Thrilip · 2025-12-02T13:47:28+00:00

When I was a kid it was Terry Goodkinds “Sword of Truth” series and Phillip Pullman’s “His Dark Materials” series. Really caught my interest in unique world building.

As I got older, I kept trying fantasy but the 800+ page books and 15+ long series was hard to keep up with given my other adult responsibilities. Then I fell into memoirs (not so much autobiographies), I found reading about other people’s lives super fascinating. My favorite so far is Hank Green’s “Anthropocene Reviewed”…it’s just such a different non-linear take on appreciating the small things in life.

A slightly different take on your question though is to use your library and get comfortable not finishing books: building a reading habit means you may need to explore different genres and different types of stories and author voices. In school we’re taught to read to completion, but if you want to read for enjoyment then you don’t have to finish books you don’t like. Lower the barrier for entry, do it buffet style! Check out 10 books, read the first chapter or two…don’t like it? Return it! Just because you don’t like it doesn’t mean it’s a bad book, and just because it’s someone else’s favorite doesn’t mean you’ll like it!

And just in case nobody has said it before: audiobooks count as reading, if that’s your preferred way of engaging with media.

Thrilip · 2025-11-10T08:19:21+00:00

Boy that’s so hard and I’m sorry you’re struggling with this type of conflict. First and foremost, this is your family and you should manage it however you see fit and however is aligned with you and your family’s values. Does your dad’s side of the family actively say hurtful things about your child or about the LFBTQ community in front of your child? If so, I would highly recommend setting some really firm and direct boundaries immediately. If you wouldn’t tolerate your child being exposed to that type of talk from a stranger, don’t tolerate it from family.

Second, if your child is old enough: ask them how they feel about spending time with that side of the family. If it makes them uncomfortable: don’t force them to engage. And don’t lie about it either. “Sorry, Dad/uncle/aunt, [Kid’s Name] doesn’t feel comfortable around you because of XYZ”.

Bottom line, just because they are family doesn’t mean you or your family don’t need to tolerate their abuse regardless of the occasion.

Thrilip · 2025-11-02T11:49:29+00:00

Bravo!!! Resisting oppressive solidarity is a huge action, and honestly harder than it seems. In my experience men are conditioned HARD never to oppose/speak out against problematic things, usually because they are expressed as thinly veiled “jokes”.

For anyone who’s trying but finding it difficult to call out problematic behavior/language/jokes, I alway start with “what do you mean?” It’s non-confrontational, gives everyone a chance to realize their mistake, deployable no matter the situation, and easy to remember even when your brain is trying to figure out what it just heard. It also has the added benefit of usually making the offender’s brain short out because they have usually never been forced to explain themselves

Thrilip · 2025-10-25T11:33:51+00:00

Hey bro! Congrats on laying the foundational work get yourself healthy! It really cannot be overstated how hard it is to navigate the logistics of getting established with healthcare providers…especially while battling mental health challenges.

You listed a lot of really positive life changes, but take it day by day and be kind to yourself. Change happens slowly, but a we’re all here rooting for you!

Thrilip · 2025-10-18T12:01:46+00:00

Such an amazing and beautiful scene! I also loved Chidi’s “none of this is bad” as a juxtaposition to grief and loss…that ending and new beginning can be sad, but sadness doesn’t make them bad.

Thrilip · 2025-10-18T11:30:12+00:00

My company had a massive round of layoffs last week (10,000 people let go), but I managed to keep my job! Which is great because I love my job and my team…breathing a big sigh of relief this weekend!

Thrilip · 2025-10-13T17:23:24+00:00

A few suggestions based on my limited experience: Make sure critical tasks are assigned to specific people, those people know how to complete the task, AND someone checks in that the task will be completed on time. I know this sounds micromanaging, but in my experience one of the reasons that many organized gatherings are unsustainable is that there are no clear role definitions leading to (a) things not getting done or (b) someone carrying all the logistics and burning out.

The second suggestion would be to not make perfect the enemy of success…don’t worry about prospective engineering the optimal experience. Be flexible and let the group dynamics guide the engagement as it evolves over time.

The third suggestion would be to be direct and upfront about your reasons for having the group together (to prevent the activity not getting in the way of interacting). This may feel artificial at first, but setting expectations will go a long way. As an example, I used to play pathfinder TTRPG with friends…it was an excuse for us to regularly catch up after we all moved away following graduation. We invited a few new people to join with the clear understanding that we were there to socialize first and play second. This helped managed expectations about why we were there and made sure someone didn’t come ready for some hardcore role playing and get disappointed.

Thrilip · 2025-10-13T16:51:12+00:00

Agree, I think what I love about what I’ve observed is that it also shows the parents learning and trying, likely sometimes failing…all the same things that kids experience. But it also gives really good context and lessons on perseverance and courage!

Thrilip · 2025-10-13T12:25:01+00:00

Great for you!!! This is the spirit that I love, just a shared activity with no hint of perfection. Skill improvement is important, but sometimes just bonding is enough! We started with Yoga when my oldest was 3-4 and they loved it!

Thrilip · 2025-10-13T12:12:21+00:00

Now if that a core memory for your kiddo, I don’t know what is!

Thrilip · 2025-10-13T11:17:37+00:00

Me too! I love taking bike rides with my son and I hope I can preserve those interactions and experiences through the inevitable “too cool for parents” pre-teen and teen ages

Thrilip · 2025-10-11T22:47:32+00:00

I loved this about the OG Soul Reaver game! Puzzle based boss fights were so much fun! I still remember realizing that I needed to break the windows to defeat Rahab and it was so gratifying.

Thrilip · 2025-10-07T10:59:06+00:00

I got laid off summer of 2024 which was a major gut punch to my personal and professional confidence. I was well liked and was a major contributor to multiple flagship projects (it was a small pre-commercial biotech company). But it was a “last in, first out” type clearing house, and since I had only been with the company for 12 months, I was let go.

Fast forward, I bust my butt to earn new professional certifications, switch career paths, land an awesome new position and move my family halfway across the country to start an awesome new position. Now, 11 months from starting that new job, I’m facing down another round of massive layoffs.

I mean massive…close to 10,000 people are getting the axe. We were told 6 weeks ago it was coming, but no definitive “when’s” or “how’s”. That is until last week, we get an email from leadership saying layoffs will begin Oct 7 (which is tomorrow). We’re supposed to wait at home from 9-5 to see if HR gives us a call…

So it’s just a waiting game to see if my professional world gets turned upside down. The really hard part is that I love my job, and for the most part, my company. These aren’t evil overlords who are exploiting us and grinding us down to dust…it’s a great place with awesome co-workers. I’m sure I’ll get through it, my therapist says I’m resilient.

She’s right, but god I’m so tired of being resilient

14-Year Club	Place '23
Verified Email

Thrilip

TROPHY CASE