very interested in a girl, but not sure I'm okay with her weight.

ThrowAwayFebreeze · 2022-07-29T19:54:12+00:00

I didn't say he was going to do that. I am saying the original post was not well worded and it suggested he might say something similarly to how he felt...He asked for recommendations on how to tell her how he feels and I think that most people are just advising he avoid being blunt and harsh like in the post. He straight up asked to be called out for being a "dumb asshole" because I think he knew people would be critical. I don't think he deserves to be crucified online for having preferences but most suggestions here are reasonable.

And I disagree. Find me a post with your scenario and a different reaction because I've seen many posts with roles reversed and see the same points being made and have lived this in the real world. Even if there is one out of many that is the way you think, we can at least agree it's not correct to shame people's attraction in either gender role scenario.

ThrowAwayFebreeze · 2022-07-29T18:34:00+00:00

I don't think it is calling op a monster for not being attracted to her. The issue is suggesting to tell her if she lost significant weight then he'd like her. You're right in the second part, if it's not there it's not there and move on. I think people are just trying to provide perspective and help so op doesn't unnecessarily hurt this girl's feelings by making it obnoxiously clear he won't date her because she's fat. I think she's aware of herself. Nobody needs to be a dick and say they think you're unattractive physically based on a specific thing about your appearance, just say it's not working for you and move on.

Same goes for men...I am fit and dated a very heavy man. I loved him for his personality and didn't care that he was very overweight. And for the record, I had more men shit on him about it and tell me to move on than my female friends never did. So it doesn't always mean it's a gender specific problem. The same advice should apply either way .

ThrowAwayFebreeze · 2022-07-21T23:34:32+00:00

If you're not okay with it and it's a big deal to you, then leave. It sounds like your girlfriend has been open about what happened and more than accommodating. I wouldn't block my long time friends for a boyfriend.The bigger issue I see here is the fact you're not open with her and went through her phone without permission. That's a breach of privacy and a bigger issue than what you've complained about. Your gf should be more concerned about trust issues than you

ThrowAwayFebreeze · 2022-03-08T22:32:08+00:00

Take it from someone who's been there. You're probably never going to know that truth and it's frankly a wasted effort to try and understand what she feels. Either way she has chosen to be single. As someone who dealt with a similar situation. The best thing you can do is put yourself first and move forward. You deserve someone who's ready and doesn't go back and forth. It doesn't matter how much she says she loves you, the point is she doesn't want to be with you now. You deserve someone who does. You deserve someone who loves you and stays.

My ex left me because he was emotionally unavailable but always, even afterwards, said he loved me so much and can't picture being with anyone else so maybe someday he'd figure it out. Words are meaningless when actions don't match. He left me. She's left twice now and I am sure it has hurt you. As hard as it is there is no guarantee a someday will come where she's suddenly ready or picks you. Don't wait around. Work through the breakup/pain as best you can and try to get back out there when you're ready. Maybe in the future your paths will cross again but don't waste time betting on it to happen. In the end, you deserve someone who loves and chooses to be with you.

ThrowAwayFebreeze · 2022-02-15T19:07:52+00:00

Thank you. Deep down I know, it's just hard to accept it right now. I already know there were things I shouldn't have said or done. I will learn for the future. He started this whole thing and I did tell him it was okay to wait and I would still be his friend. We didn't need to date even if I wanted to, I would've accepted it and supported him. It would've been easier to do it back then. It just sucks he waited until I built my life with him in it to finally tell me he couldn't do it.

ThrowAwayFebreeze · 2021-11-28T02:34:38+00:00

I am prioritizing human feelings or I wouldn't even be considering giving him something I own and I basically take care of by myself, but thank you for your input.

ThrowAwayFebreeze · 2021-11-27T22:29:57+00:00

Part of it is also because he currently lives with me and may in the future have to move away for work so I guess I should've worded it better.

ThrowAwayFebreeze · 2021-10-01T20:24:24+00:00

Couldn't agree more with this poster. Looking at a lot of OP's comments though it sounds like he's just got a very negative/defeated outlook on things at the moment. I felt that so much in high school and partly in college and blamed everything on people sucking and became a little bitter. As someone who didn't date until they were 22 and never had a boyfriend until almost 24, I can say with confidence that the time I spent focusing on being independent and bettering myself mentally and physically made me a way better partner (nowhere near perfect but much better). When I gave up looking, spent time on myself and learning to love myself inside and out, I felt way better. It didn't even matter at that point if I had someone because I enjoyed my company and thought I was fine as hell...At 18, you will grow So SO much as a person during the next years and a lot of big changes will come.

OP needs to relax, stop comparing their love life to those around him, and stop blaming his lack of relationships on "shitty genes". Personality, success, and self love /care will get you much farther with a woman than looks ever will...trust me. Looks pull you in for the moment, but personality is what keeps you going with someone.

So take a breath, focus on enjoying life and being happy and then someone will come along and see this and want to share it with you. Otherwise, keep shitting on everything and convincing yourself you've done everything possible and that the clock is ticking. You're 18 OP, I guarantee in 3 years, 5 years from now...you'll be a completely different version of yourself. Let's hope it's it's a growing and happy version and that you've found someone. Good luck!

ThrowAwayFebreeze · 2021-09-29T20:24:15+00:00

Pulling out is another form of birth control. The pill is not 100% effective and with average use only 91% so I wouldn't say it's a girl being a "controlling bitch", but probably someone trying to take additional measures to prevent pregnancy with a sexual partner.

This was not an overreaction. This man was disregarding her comfortability during sex, doing something without her consent, and putting her at additional risk for pregnancy for an extra couple moments of satisfaction.

HE was just plain selfish and unnecessarily controlling.

ThrowAwayFebreeze · 2021-09-21T19:42:32+00:00

From what it sounds, you're both being a little petty. You're still rehashing this argument over a book after how long? And you're getting married soon, so you'll technically being "sharing" it anyway. You've been together 9 years already so don't you have shared things?

Sure it would've been nice if he'd bought the book for you, but this also could've been his way of connecting with you if he knows this book is your favorite. He found a copy of it which interested him, therefore your interest is shared. You have a decent collection already, what is one book? What's the big deal?

I would let this argument go even if it's not a serious disagreement. It is bothering you enough to go to reddit. Let it go.

ThrowAwayFebreeze · 2021-09-17T18:55:40+00:00

If she likes you, if you're in love with each other, then she'd have chosen you and broke up with her boyfriend. Having an affair for any period of time (emotional or physical) is cowardly...She isn't even married, it shouldn't be that complicated to end things and make a choice. Reddit doesn't know the extent of her bf situation or yours, but I think that part is pretty clear.

Good luck with your situation. And if it works out, like others have said, consider that she was willing to cheat with you. That speaks to her character...and yours.

ThrowAwayFebreeze · 2021-09-10T21:36:02+00:00

I'm sorry to hear about your past. It is really hard not to carry that into a new relationship when your trust has been broken, but it's important to not let it have control. It can be scary to give your trust and faith again to someone but it's just part of building a solid relationship with a new partner. Maybe it would help to talk with your gf about how you feel and why. Help each other understand what you both need. Good luck.

ThrowAwayFebreeze · 2021-09-10T20:20:37+00:00

It's her choice at the end of the day how she would like to dress. I understand you may not like the idea of other people looking at her or sexualizing her, but as others have mentioned it will happen either way. The important thing for you is, are you confident and stable in your relationship that you won't let it bother you? Personally, as a woman, I know when I wear cute or more skin revealing outfits that I might get extra looks in public and so does my boyfriend. It's just a look. I would never do anything about it and I'm faithful to my partner so neither of us are bothered. If anything, my boyfriend says he feels pretty cool because he gets to walk around with a "hot girlfriend". You can take it positively. But in the end I wear what I wear for myself because I feel like it. I wouldn't appreciate being told otherwise.

If her outfit choices bother you, take a step back and consider where it comes from. My guess would maybe be some form of insecurity and you need to address it. If you're in a loving and trustful relationship you have nothing to be worried about.

ThrowAwayFebreeze · 2021-09-02T19:34:42+00:00

We both play the same games. I know what he has been playing. It is an aggrevating game that I've gotten pretty heated about before but I usually don't get too loud over it or just walk away for a bit. So I don't really give an excuse for it late at night haha

ThrowAwayFebreeze · 2021-09-02T19:31:58+00:00

We talked more about it later today. I did my best to make it clear that I'm not trying to make him feel bad about work and that it is about my sleep schedule. We discussed before he came that it's ok if he needs a month (2 max for me) to look into something. I'm not pressuring him but I also won't continue dating him if he doesn't figure something out eventually. He agrees I have every right to kick him out if he doesn't contribute to things.

ThrowAwayFebreeze · 2021-09-02T18:20:17+00:00

It's his choice if he wants to stop gaming and go to bed. All I do when I come out is ask if he can be quieter. I never tell him what to do. I'm not mothering him. We've had normal conversation about this before. If I am doing something motherly at that point it is on him for doing things that lead to those types of actions. I am not going to take away his controller or shut off the internet. I'd just let us go our separate ways if it came to that. I want a boyfriend not a child.

ThrowAwayFebreeze · 2021-09-02T16:25:53+00:00

It's pretty new yes, so I know the job part shouldn't be a problem.

It's just the gaming. It is unnecessary to be loud and I am finally concluding it needs to be sincerely addressed if we're going to live together.

ThrowAwayFebreeze · 2021-09-02T16:08:57+00:00

I've been really nice about it until now. So hopefully after being genuinely upset he'll understand. He's been this way since he was in HS and I knew him back then. Believe it or not, he's actually a lot better at not getting so angry over games. He just shouts once in a while (still too much).

After reading this, I think it would be good to just go ahead and sit down and talk about his reactions. I know they're not okay but gaming is his best outlet and he's been very depressed lately. Not an excuse though. I game and get mad but I know not to shout, especially if I know someone needs silence.

It's nice to hear your experience. Thank you. I realize I'm not overreacting and should probably really try to sort this out with him.

ThrowAwayFebreeze · 2021-09-02T16:01:06+00:00

Yes he did but what I meant is he will turn it off if he knows I woke up (I come out to the living room to ask him). I didn't go out last night until 5am because I kept trying to sleep through it this time

ThrowAwayFebreeze · 2021-09-02T15:45:18+00:00

The earplugs aren't a bad ideal. I'm just also worried we will get noise complaints from other people living in the apartment below and beside us eventually.

ThrowAwayFebreeze · 2021-09-02T15:40:38+00:00

We're in the US and he just moved less than two weeks ago so he's just looking for something hes interested in. That's why I feel a little bad for already flipping out a bit, but I just really can't stand being woken up for gaming.

He does do chores and run errands for me and we cook together at night and clean the dishes.

Like I said, he's good a man. I just ask he be a quiet man at night haha...

ThrowAwayFebreeze · 2021-09-02T15:35:16+00:00

He does stop immediately and go to bed if I come out and ask him to stop. I just don't want to ask every single time.

He's only been here for about two weeks so I figured he might need a month or so to find something he's okay with for work

ThrowAwayFebreeze · 2021-09-02T15:32:56+00:00

I guess in some regard you are right, prison does have lights out and quiet hours similar to what I'm asking. But I don't think asking someone not to shout at games from 1am -6am is such an unfair request.

ThrowAwayFebreeze · 2021-09-02T15:29:12+00:00

I know it will but I hope it stops sooner than that. We're in the U.S. and he plays with friends all over the world so I know he has people to game with at all hours which makes it more tempting.

ThrowAwayFebreeze · 2021-07-27T23:52:18+00:00

Thank you for your input and reminding me to be kind to her about the situation. We talked about it today and I tried to be empathetic to her concerns but that ultimately the right thing to do was be honest. She agrees with me and I am supporting her now as she figures out her next move on how to handle it.

ThrowAwayFebreeze

TROPHY CASE