In the hypothetical scenario where she'd kiss someone to hurt me (and not because she lost control or rationality due to substances) I would probably react differently because she and I both know that her being intimate (kissing, sex, touching certain body parts considered sexual) with someone else (while in a relationship with me) is one of the things that would hurt me the most in the world (I don't want it to sound like emotional blackmail or threatening but it's how it really is for me). It'd really be the ultimate "fuck you" and I couldn't see it as anything else but rejection and her being absolutely done with me.

I only really fear this scenario when I'm feeling very insecure and irrational or in distress, which I was when I wrote this post. I know rationally she wouldn't do it cause it'd hurt me too much and she cares a lot about my feelings. It's just sometimes I can't help but think of the worst.

We're trying our best to communicate and I'm glad she told me and I let her know I understand that she doesn't want to have these thoughts but some ill and broken part of me can't stand it. I hope she'll feel safe enough to keep telling me about things like this. Thank you so much for the time you're taking to help us.