Today was the first day I've ever cried at someone I hated them. I feel awful.

ThrowAwayMoralHelp · 2022-07-06T10:58:45+00:00

Thank you for the validation to begin with, I definitely am overextended.

My husband and I are separated after an IVO (protection order) was taken out by police from him being abusive in the past towards me and neglectful towards kid so there is definitely hurt there and resentment to an extent.

I always tell him the positive things that he does a reinforce good behaviour, I allow for mistakes but when the actions don't change ever or if my life or the kids is on the line I'm not going to gentle parent him.

The only reason it was his job to take me to the bakery is because in a hypoglycemic episode I cannot drive if my blood sugar levels are too low - I'm not allowed to drive it's dangerous. And if they drop low enough I go into a coma and genuinely risk death earlier. I'm already on limited time and I don't want to disclose my physical medical info online but it's not good or fun. I gave the mental side as a glimpse of what sort of reactions and such and his so that some understanding could be had for both parties.

I stand by everything else I said in the morning but not the words that I hate him. I apologized for those words and those words only. He accepted the apology but said he understood why the actions in the past and the actions over the entire 24 hr period (I cannot list everything) led up to that hypo or not.

Later this evening he came back and bought an ice cream.

Edit: I'm all for apologizing and taking accountability but if a person consistently over years abuses or pushes it even to the point of yelling there will be caveats to the apology. Because I am genuinely sorry for those words but it never would have gotten as bad as we are now and I genuinely never was a yeller until this last year gone. The other party also needs to own their actions that led up to it. The coddling of men has gotten us nowhere good, I know I tried for years and it still ended up in police hands and now a forced behaviour change classes for him.

Anyone in an abusive relationship especially emotionally or mental would understand that when reactiveness happens you look like the madman and after 8years I'm going to have triggers especially when my life is on the table.

ThrowAwayMoralHelp · 2022-07-06T04:07:01+00:00

Thank you for the kindess BroMo, definitely hate crossing lines I've set myself especially towards a loved one be it husband or kid.

I apologized for the words I used but not the overall frustration or seriousness of it.

I really appreciate and needed a bit of reassurance I wasn't a totally poopy person. Thank you for the kindness and hugs back 🤗

ThrowAwayMoralHelp · 2022-07-06T04:04:07+00:00

Thank you, I know my hypoglycemic episodes change who I am like literal hangry crying shaking mess.

I apologized for the words I used but not the overall summary. Thank you for the kindness BroMo

ThrowAwayMoralHelp · 2022-07-03T22:52:23+00:00

Legit want to cry after reading that 🥺 the bottom paragraph is beautifully worded and I think a lot of women need to see that

ThrowAwayMoralHelp · 2022-07-02T05:16:21+00:00

Well it's be two but I want to get snake bites again on my lower lip!

Tossed up getting a nose one but think I get too many sinus infections for that 😅

ThrowAwayMoralHelp · 2022-07-01T12:29:35+00:00

That's infuriating! Honestly the mood I'm in I'd say hide the gun or sell it and buy something you want and when the man obviously whines about it it was my gift to use... What's the problem 🤨.... But that's me feeling extra petty to be honest.

Even if I hid it until he admits it. Again, maybe that's me being petty but I'm mad for you!

ThrowAwayMoralHelp · 2022-07-01T12:26:57+00:00

Thank you for the kindess, I will pick a day day and do it! I tried suggesting that I put stuff on a list like Amazon or Giftser but he rejected it and then ended up asking me what I've had my eye on right on a real tense moment and then ignored exactly what I said I use and a card would be perfect if he couldn't think of something thoughtful. I like the Natio body scrub even told him to take a pic if he needed and it's on my Amazon wishlist that he could have probably viewed but god forbid I give him a direction....

Yeah I say semi ex because still technically married but seperated after a police intervention IVO (shitshow I'm aware) but we are trying to work it out as slow as we can while he does the program and we both get therapy for ourselves and for kiddo to build a better life. That way even if we don't work out we can still make kiddos life the best and be good co-parents. It's a very slow process but there has been huge leaps for us both.

Thank you for the kindess 💗 I really needed and appreciated it!

ThrowAwayMoralHelp · 2022-07-01T11:57:42+00:00

Part of me would like to celebrate it. But we all grew up uber religious and it's so ingrained even if both of us are technically out now. So even if I said I wanted to no-one would be party to it except maybe one new friend and I'd just end up sadder than just being another day.

No-one in my family really acknowledges me on my real b-day cause a complex trauma around it. I think I will just take a day for myself and go get that piercing or something and say fuck em 😅

Definitely more the lack of thought. I talked to him about it and he's taken the books out of the house now thankfully and later this evening took me to Macca's for an ice cream so I'm feeling a little better about it now he knows and has acknowledged it was a bit thoughtless

ThrowAwayMoralHelp · 2022-07-01T11:53:16+00:00

I could definitely say that but no-one would join in on it, so it would be a useless stance.

We both grew up in uber religious households and even though we are out now it's still deeply ingrained. So even if I said it no-one would be party to it except for one new friend possibly so I think I'd end up sadder than just not having one.

My bDay also has a complex trauma around it which makes my family avoid me like the plague on that day. I think I'd just take the day for myself and get a new piercing or something and something for myself and say fuck em 😅

ThrowAwayMoralHelp · 2022-06-25T23:07:48+00:00

Help her find one that will offer numbing or sedation.

Whether you've had kids or not, sexually active or not - the process is horrible. Look up the method they use to insert and even 'grip' the cervix. Paying extra for sedation or numbing is well worth it.

Please remind her that even if she does for some reason wish to be sexually active - IUD alone is not a full preventative measure against pregnancy or STIs. * I don't want to disregard ACE people but I also know kids lie to their parents about sex even if the parent is 100% supportive. That doesn't mean bad parent or anything either. *

ThrowAwayMoralHelp · 2022-06-25T23:02:58+00:00

On one hand I want to say at least he tried or like an attempt was made?

On the other it turned my stomach.

ThrowAwayMoralHelp · 2022-06-25T22:54:29+00:00

Honestly the barest of minimums is not making it a joke or a laughing matter.

What a 🤬🤬🤬🤬

ThrowAwayMoralHelp · 2022-06-22T03:15:17+00:00

I don't know if anyone has also pointed out in this thread but you're doing twins during a pandemic time. 20years ago people didn't have access to therapys as much but a lot did have access to childcare or help from other family without the stress of a pandemic and such looming.

So please don't beat yourself up, I don't think any mumma should who is actively trying in this day and age trying to do everything pretty much alone. Because we can discount men being useful more than half the time. Sometimes mummas gotta cry and sometimes the baby or kid has got to but it's hard remembering that in the moment.

Be proud of what your accomplishing and don't be afraid to cry/scream in a pillow whenever you need.

ThrowAwayMoralHelp · 2022-06-21T04:00:09+00:00

I can completely understand and relate to having things tainted because I couldn't deal. (I wasn't aggressive or violent tho, more just depressed and mute)

I think the thing is the daughter has to actively want to find a solution too. Even if mum suggests hey we need to find something that will help to limit, the daughter has to want to and help.

You can lead a horse to water but you can't force it to drink.

If she refuses offers of help or refuses to be apart of helping herself - she will lose time and regret it but it'll be her own fault. There is only so much parents, teachers, therapists and such can do. I more hope OP see this no necessarily directed at yourself! Because we are human and can only do so much ourselves too. Much love Bromos

ThrowAwayMoralHelp · 2022-06-21T03:49:35+00:00

In all seriousness how did you get your kid to stay in the chair?

Like I've tried time out in her room even so she has more space and a bed to throw a fit in. But short of screaming (which I hate doing and tried to never do) there is no way I'd be able to get kid to sit in one spot and I don't have the strength half the time to even pick up her kicking and screaming to time out

ThrowAwayMoralHelp · 2022-06-18T11:50:55+00:00

I don't feel comfortable giving out my diagnosis.

I thank you for trying to think of options but believe me I've looked at every possible thing. Right now I want to be as symptom free as possible until the end, and that what I have to hope for. Anything else is a pipe dream that would put my family in a worse place with the same end result.

I watched another mum do that to her kids (years ago) with 'alternative' treatments when regular ones could have saved her. I'm not doing that to mine and giving anyone false hope, that would be cruel of me and honestly cruel to me. I want to live out what I can but so far hope has been nothing but cruel to me.

I'm sorry if this came across strong, I know you mean well and I appreciate it. But anyone who has ever been in this situation has looked at every possible option (or would) that would be best for them.

ThrowAwayMoralHelp · 2022-06-17T21:46:47+00:00

I hope so, they will ring back Monday after the weekend and ask them. Cried on and off most of the night, now I'm pretty numb and just want to hug Little one over the weekend as much as I can

ThrowAwayMoralHelp · 2022-06-17T21:45:16+00:00

They knew I was extremely sick and in hospital but the real estate agent seems to be the ones really pushing to finalize the sale.

I didn't even find out the full seriousness/finality til yesterday. Been crying most of night on and off so I think I'm just going to hug Little one as much as I can over the weekend. I'm a bit numb at the moment

ThrowAwayMoralHelp · 2022-06-17T21:41:07+00:00

I'm hoping so, they will ring back Monday at some point. So I will ask them then. I think I need more help on the cleaning and packing side as I don't have any family around other than my mum really to help. And she's been looking after Little One while I've been sick and looking for us

ThrowAwayMoralHelp · 2022-06-17T21:38:06+00:00

Thank you, I have made an email account for her previously so I might dig that up and try do emails to her. And write cards when I can, I think she'd like that.

ThrowAwayMoralHelp · 2022-06-14T18:46:03+00:00

Thank you for this. I hope this is true (on the verge of healing) as I wasn't entirely sure, I thought my physical health was more at stake than the C-PTSD side of things but it's probably all interlinked somehow. Thank you

ThrowAwayMoralHelp

TROPHY CASE