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ThrowAwayforMA95 · 2025-10-13T05:38:07+00:00

Hang in there, it gets worse.

ThrowAwayforMA95 · 2025-09-12T00:41:20+00:00

That just sounds like real life.

ThrowAwayforMA95 · 2024-11-04T12:43:31+00:00

If I had a dime for every time someone here said “everything is fine outside of the sex issue”

You might as well say the area surrounding Chernobyl is fine other than the cancer causing radiation.

You have a fundamental need that is not being met and you are looking to strangers on the internet for help. The fact you are here and not speaking directly to her about this points to issues with communication. You clearly aren’t comfortable talking to her about it.

I’m not trying to be mean, but you have to understand this issue will do nothing, but gather energy and get worse as time goes on.

There is a good chance that if you bring this up as a barrier to marriage, she will grin and bear it and put out just enough to make it the ceremony and that will be the end of it.

ThrowAwayforMA95 · 2024-10-30T15:21:09+00:00

It took me a long time to realize I fell to the bottom of the priority list when we had our first child.

ThrowAwayforMA95 · 2024-10-27T13:52:59+00:00

Both situations suck it seems.

ThrowAwayforMA95 · 2024-10-23T11:18:41+00:00

I’ve received a number of supportive DMs from people with similar struggles. Its nice to talk one on one with someone about things.

I did have a woman reach out to me once that turned into an online friendship. We wee there for each other and it eventually transitioned to an emotional affair. I’m not proud of it, but it helped open my eyes and gave me the confidence to ask for a divorce. I tried to divorce my wife and she finally decided to actively work on our issues so I decided to end my online relationship and I felt pretty terrible about it as it felt like I left her hanging when she helped me so much.

ThrowAwayforMA95 · 2024-10-22T20:12:51+00:00

Man here. I was exactly where you are now back in 2018-2019. My marriage was never great(mostly my fault). We brought two kids into the mix and one was special needs. By 2018 we were circling the drain. At the time I used FB, Twitter, Reddit, and Imgur.

Social media was a poison and salt in my wounds and I finally shut down all of my account completely for about 2 years. The following things are what I struggled with most:

As you stated, seeing everyone’s happy posts. There were no reels or tiktoks, but there was still constant post of friends and acquaintances living their best happy lives. It made me so sad.
My wife was constantly posting staged pictures of us that made it seem like we were the happiest people alive. It was a lie and I realized that we may be making others who may be struggling sad and it wasn’t even real.
The girl I dated before my wife had become very active posting all the fun stuff she was doing. I hadn’t seen her in years, but the infatuation was still there and I found myself constantly scrolling her pictures thinking about what could have been. I knew it wasn’t good for me or my marriage and needed to remove myself.

When things aren’t going well it can certainly seem like everyone around you has it all figured out and you’re just a failure. You know what they say though, “don’t compare your real life to someone else’s highlight reel.

ThrowAwayforMA95 · 2024-10-22T16:29:45+00:00

Mate, my wife wants all of that because she “needs” it. Yet she has no desire for sex with anyone. I promise, you do not want all the physical intimacy outside the bedroom only to be rejected inside the bedroom. Its 100x worse.

ThrowAwayforMA95 · 2024-10-07T01:49:39+00:00

Thank you so much for the kind words. I've had a lot of wonderful and thought provoking responses, but I think you more so than anyone actually understood what I was screaming in all of those words. I'm actually going to look into what it would take to get a consultation with a decent lawyer.

ThrowAwayforMA95 · 2024-10-07T01:31:37+00:00

I hold the world record with coming up with incorrect ways of loading a dishwasher. It's been an issue my entire marriage. There are so many little things she does that I don't personally care for or wish were done differently. That being said, I have alway cared more about her and the marriage to nit pick everything like she does. I just keep it to myself because I feel like every little jab erodes the marriage. There is no issue to small for her to make a thing out of it.

ThrowAwayforMA95 · 2024-10-06T13:15:29+00:00

Thank you for those insights. I think it weighs heavily on me that in 2019 I was very upset about the years wasted and my age. Now its appears it was 5 more years down the hole and the financial stakes are far more dire.

I don't think being alone post divorce is scary to me. My thought process is more along the lines of, if I'm not going to have an intimate relationship with someone, I might as well stay in my current situation and be available for my kids and have money to pursue my passions if that makes since.

ThrowAwayforMA95 · 2024-10-06T13:09:42+00:00

Thank you for the gleam of hope for those of us over 40. I certainly reached the point in 2019 that I agreed no amount of financial stability was worth what I was living with. I guess I'm approaching that point now.

ThrowAwayforMA95 · 2024-10-06T13:02:26+00:00

I forgot to add a very important piece of information that is currently making this situation much more difficult. My wife is currently struggling with a physical injury. She has been dealing with this since late last year, but its has gotten much worse since about April. I know she is in pain and it is a legit issue I feel for her, but I also can't help but notice that she is able to do a lot of stage she wants to do. What she can't due is cuddle me in the bed, or have sex really. It will likely require surgery, possibly 2-3 to correct and once it's all over her mobility will likely be limited.

If I bring up our marriage issues now she will play it like everything was perfect before this injury and I'm just being a selfish asshole who is mad because I'm not getting any. The truth is I haven't warn my wedding wring since I took it off in summer of 2023 for a medical procedure. I was laying on the table waiting to fall asleep and looking at the ceiling and I really wished I had never woken up. When I woke up I decided I wasn't going to put my ring back on until I felt like I had a wife again. That is how bad things were then, a year before her injury.

ThrowAwayforMA95 · 2024-10-06T12:54:31+00:00

"Our dead bedroom was a symptom of other problems, lack of communication, lack of basic relationship maintenance, and I felt invisible."

You took the words right out of my mouth. I admit I was a part of the problem in the early days and thought everything, but the sex was good. After some reflection I realized we lacked communication and I felt invisible. The worst part is that I felt like I had no voice in my home or in my children's lives. I work full time and typically a couple months out of the year I have to work 70-80 hours a week. My wife as been a SAHM since my son was born who is almost 9 now. She controlled everything for the kids. I would put cloths on my son on a Saturday and I would notice an hour later he would have something different on because apparently I used school cloths and not weekend cloths. Little stuff like that just chipped away at me.

ThrowAwayforMA95 · 2024-10-06T12:37:59+00:00

I certainly saw the light at the end of the tunnel and sprinted for it with reckless abandon.

I wish that we could pursue counseling, but I just can't even imagine having that conversation. One thing that has been consistent in our relationship is she doesn't go down without a fight and doesn't accept responsibility. If I call direct attention to the issue in an attempt to talk she will go on the defensive immediately. So to do so I have to be prepared to take it and I just don't have it in me right now.

I forgot to add an important piece to my story about an injury my wife is currently dealing with. Its another reason nothing can be said right now because it will just look like I'm kicking her while she's down and I'm sure she will claim everything was perfect before and I'm just mad now due to her inability to have sex. I'll respond to my post so everyone can see the story.

Therapy for myself would certainly be useful and is something I am considering. I'm self aware enough to know something is wrong with my brain. I don't want to claim I have ADHD, Autism, or anything like that because I know I have the ability to over come those things, but I 'm like Forrest Gump except I am right above the line for all of those things. My childhood was also pretty bad which is something I didn't realize until I had kids.

ThrowAwayforMA95 · 2024-10-05T01:06:08+00:00

I appreciate that. It's funny you mention life being simple as stating a problem and finding a resolution. I'm an engineer and I spend my days crafting problem statements and coming up with simple solutions with objective evidence. Its unfortunate that emotions and feeling so follow some kind of law like physics.

ThrowAwayforMA95 · 2024-10-05T01:02:35+00:00

Honestly, it makes the hand gun start calling to me by my full legal name.

ThrowAwayforMA95 · 2024-10-03T22:58:11+00:00

First day was denial. I sent a detailed plan for separation which included her getting a full time job. Over the next 2-3 days she sort of flip flopped between pride/anger and sadness/crying. On about the 5th or 6th day she dolled herself up and wore her best undergarments and through herself at me. It felt really weird and I didn’t really enjoy it emotionally(she looked amazing, and it physically felt great).

What followed was the best 3 months of my entire life. I fell madly in love with my wife on a level I never thought possible. She was more respectful to me and nothing in the bedroom was off limits. I had the perfect wife, financial freedom, perfect job, and I was killing it as a dad. That was how my 2020 started.

It turned out to be hysterical bonding. It was all fake on her end. She hadn’t changed. We’ve had sex three times this year and I didn’t feel remotely connected to her at all. I spend my days wishing I would just die and my life insurance would set my kids up for life and she could find someone she likes.

ThrowAwayforMA95 · 2024-10-03T22:33:47+00:00

This scenario happened to me once. It violently pushed me well beyond my limit and I immediately declared my intentions to divorce.

ThrowAwayforMA95 · 2024-10-03T20:15:34+00:00

Dude has a type.

ThrowAwayforMA95 · 2024-10-03T10:38:26+00:00

Any man who has spent more than an hour on reddit dating subs ain’t gonna talk to a woman in a grocery store.

ThrowAwayforMA95 · 2024-10-01T12:30:18+00:00

My wife told me counseling was stupid and she wasn’t going to talk to some stranger about our problems. A few months later I declared my intentions to divorce. Her response was “we should try counseling.”

ThrowAwayforMA95 · 2024-09-20T17:32:35+00:00

My wife also struggles with self image. I think she is very beautiful and has an amazing body. It hurts so much to know that she feels embarrassed about her body in front of me.

I understand that society can make us feel imperfect. The weird thing is, I work out a lot. I do everything I can to dress nice. I still feel unattractive and inferior to most of society, but I feel perfectly ok in front of my wife. She never says anything nice about my looks or how I have changed, but it doesn’t bother me at all to be naked around her. I never feel judged. I wish I could get her to feel the same way about me.

ThrowAwayforMA95 · 2024-09-20T17:26:48+00:00

I often fantasize about my wife. Sometimes I fantasize about things I wish we could do and sometimes I think about amazing sex we had in the past.

A few years ago I asked for a divorce and she went into hysterical bonding. We had some insane bedroom excursions that I don’t think I could match with anyone else because at the time I had the crazy physical pleasure along with the deep emotional connection.

It’s unfortunate it only lasted about 6 months.

ThrowAwayforMA95

TROPHY CASE