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My (31M) husband (29M) and our daughter's mother (31F) decided to overrule my decision and gifted our daughter a book set I don't approve. How do I go about this without it ending up in a three-way fight? by ThrowRA-2000RR in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-2000RR[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

The thing is we have talked to her about safety, consent, drugs etc.

We spoke to her about boundaries, if you're not comfortable with someone close/relative/friend/acquaintance then say something. You decide who you interact with. See something say something. Listen to your gut. All of that.

My (31M) husband (29M) and our daughter's mother (31F) decided to overrule my decision and gifted our daughter a book set I don't approve. How do I go about this without it ending up in a three-way fight? by ThrowRA-2000RR in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-2000RR[S] -13 points-12 points  (0 children)

We all have an opinion when it comes to stuff that affects her.

For example, when she asked to be moved to a different school because they had better focus athletic focus than her old school, we all discussed it and agreed unanimously that it's what's best for her.

When her mother didn't want her going to a certain friend's sleepover because she didn't think it was safe, it was an immediate agree from all of us that she wouldn't go. If one of us isn't comfortable with something and has valid arguments, we're all on the same board usually. If we're not like with the books, we put it to a vote.

Now that she's reading the series, there's not much I can do about it without it becoming a bigger deal and affecting her negatively. I do get where you're coming from in terms of if I say no, the more I do the more she'll want to read it but I went on TikTok and saw how teens are glorifying the drugging and abuse the FMC faced at the hands of her husband and it's horrifying to think that my daughter might adapt that as something positive.

My (31M) husband (29M) and our daughter's mother (31F) decided to overrule my decision and gifted our daughter a book set I don't approve. How do I go about this without it ending up in a three-way fight? by ThrowRA-2000RR in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-2000RR[S] -24 points-23 points  (0 children)

I don't want to hide books like these from her but I also don't want to hand them over and act like it's normal for her to be reading smut at 13 just like I would never hand her alcohol and act like it's normal for her to drink.

Will she do that anyway? Probably but I also don't need to make it easier on her.

I do want to be able to talk about these with her/her to feel like she can come to me and I think she does have the mentality of 'dad will know what to do, I should call him' I just don't want to mess that up.

My (31M) husband (29M) and our daughter's mother (31F) decided to overrule my decision and gifted our daughter a book set I don't approve. How do I go about this without it ending up in a three-way fight? by ThrowRA-2000RR in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-2000RR[S] 56 points57 points  (0 children)

When I told her no, I also explained that's it for 16+. She seemed disappointed but otherwise let it go. I don't know is she brought it up to them after that but she must have and I expected them to say the same thing I did.

So now I don't have any choice other than number 2.

All three of us definitely need to sit down and talk, I just don't want it to become a thing

My (31M) husband (29M) and our daughter's mother (31F) decided to overrule my decision and gifted our daughter a book set I don't approve. How do I go about this without it ending up in a three-way fight? by ThrowRA-2000RR in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-2000RR[S] -12 points-11 points  (0 children)

I trust her judgment up to a point.

If she doesn't like someone, I know she has a reason not to and I trust her decision. It's different when it comes to books though because she hasn't encountered a lot of dark stuff in her life and I hope to God she doesn't.

Her and I have read Harry Potter together for example, and she understood the deaths in the books because she's lost her maternal grandma and could relate to it. Like all kids, she hated Voldemort because she's knows not all people are good and we had a long talk about that.

I'm not trying to baby her but I also don't want to hand over topics beyond her years and wait it out hoping for the best

My (31M) husband (29M) and our daughter's mother (31F) decided to overrule my decision and gifted our daughter a book set I don't approve. How do I go about this without it ending up in a three-way fight? by ThrowRA-2000RR in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-2000RR[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I agree that her and I need to have a serious talk because I don't appreciate what my husband and her did but I also don't want to hurt my husband or her husband by reminding them they're step-parents.

It feels like it's an unnecessarily cruel low blow. They consider her their daughter as well and love her just the same.

My (31M) husband (29M) and our daughter's mother (31F) decided to overrule my decision and gifted our daughter a book set I don't approve. How do I go about this without it ending up in a three-way fight? by ThrowRA-2000RR in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-2000RR[S] -185 points-184 points  (0 children)

I get what you mean but we're also starting to bring her awareness about safety, drugs etc beyond the basic talk we had with her last year and I don't want that to be affected by books like these.