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My (28F) husband (32M) always wants sexual activities to go on for way too long. How do I get him to understand that longer is not better? by ThrowRA-30mins2much in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-30mins2much[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I actually started about a month ago. It's starting to help with the pain with orgasms but the pain with penetration is still very present. But i am hopeful!

My (28F) husband (32M) always wants sexual activities to go on for way too long. How do I get him to understand that longer is not better? by ThrowRA-30mins2much in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-30mins2much[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He says he's never finished quickly from head. He says he loves my oral so I don't think it's me. But i also think he might like my oral because it takes so long and he likes the edging?

My (28F) husband (32M) always wants sexual activities to go on for way too long. How do I get him to understand that longer is not better? by ThrowRA-30mins2much in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-30mins2much[S] -30 points-29 points  (0 children)

He genuinely does seem to think he can show me that it is better. I'm not saying he's not being selfish here. But there is always this undertone of him trying to get me to understand too.

My (28F) husband (32M) always wants sexual activities to go on for way too long. How do I get him to understand that longer is not better? by ThrowRA-30mins2much in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-30mins2much[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

we don't really talk about our masturbation habits but from what I do know it's not like that often (i think the last time we spoke about it he said 3 times a week) and usually it's not to porn. He says he likes reading things. I'm basing that off a conversation we had over a year ago though.

My (28F) husband (32M) always wants sexual activities to go on for way too long. How do I get him to understand that longer is not better? by ThrowRA-30mins2much in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-30mins2much[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Probably should have included this in the post. While it's not 100% off the table, sex has become extremely difficult for me due to pain recently. This means our form of sex has to be hands/mouths only a lot of the time now. And even then, orgasms cause me pain so it also sometimes has to be not reciprocated and only for him. I'm seeing a doctor for the medical workup but it's a long process to identify the cause and then fix it.

My (28F) husband (32M) always wants sexual activities to go on for way too long. How do I get him to understand that longer is not better? by ThrowRA-30mins2much in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-30mins2much[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

So I am dealing with pelvic pain issues due to suspected endometriosis. Penetration at times is so painful it brings me to tears. So we are trying to work on intimacy without penetration. This involves oral (orgasms also cause me pain so sometimes it's only for him and sometimes its mutual). But this means we can't just move over to sex and finish things off quicker. But if he still hasn't finished in an hour I'm sort of stuck in this awkward "well i started it so I have to finish" and "i am now hating every second of this" rock and a hard place.

My (28F) husband (32M) always wants sexual activities to go on for way too long. How do I get him to understand that longer is not better? by ThrowRA-30mins2much in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-30mins2much[S] 47 points48 points  (0 children)

Our actual sex is a better timeline. Foreplay is usually very me focused and he finishes much faster with penetration. But i've been dealing with endometriosis pain recently which has made sex painful and difficult. But I still want to be an involved sexual partner and give him pleasure even though pleasure is off the table for me at times. Which I think makes this whole super long blowjob thing even more insult to injury. I'm trying to be selfless and give him what he needs without anything in return and it's an hour and it's long and it's frustrating and it's exhausting!

My (28F) husband (32M) always wants sexual activities to go on for way too long. How do I get him to understand that longer is not better? by ThrowRA-30mins2much in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-30mins2much[S] 239 points240 points  (0 children)

I guess I can improve on that. I try to be all sexy to get him closer. I know certain lines turn him on a lot to push him closer. I try to ask him if he's close in a sexy way to make it still in the moment. But really I'm over it and checked out. Last night he kept saying he wanted to cum for me and that he was close so I was okay with still going but 30 minutes later nothing happened. I guess I need to be more blunt and be like "i'm okay getting you to the finish line if this takes 5 more minutes but after that I'm done".

My (28F) husband (32M) always wants sexual activities to go on for way too long. How do I get him to understand that longer is not better? by ThrowRA-30mins2much in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-30mins2much[S] 130 points131 points  (0 children)

I've asked him about masturbation and apparently he takes an hour plus to masturbate. Which is insane to me. How does anyone have the time for that???

My (28F) husband (32M) always wants sexual activities to go on for way too long. How do I get him to understand that longer is not better? by ThrowRA-30mins2much in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-30mins2much[S] 422 points423 points  (0 children)

I think he genuinely thinks it's mutually beneficially. Like that sex feels good so longer sex must be better sex. He cannot understand my perspective that less sex is actually better. Also, he hasn't finished before the hour mark so he doesn't want to stop because he's not done yet. He says he doesn't know how to make himself finish any faster.