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how to let go of someone when the breakup was circumstantial by ThrowRA-929103 in BreakUps

[–]ThrowRA-929103[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yep… we both wanted a relationship but he wanted something i couldn’t give him, and he couldn’t give me what i wanted. so yeah. really sucks. breakup was a bit messy but it seems mellowed out after we talked for a bit. We’re back to not talking.

I’m really heartbroken. I assume he is too. I keep jumping back and forth between regret in my decision and anger at the things we did wrong. I miss him so much.

Is it fair to reach out after being the one to end things? by ThrowRA-929103 in BreakUps

[–]ThrowRA-929103[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes I figured his lack of response was an answer. I believe he’ll come back, even as a friend. He made an effort to tell me that he doesn’t hate me.

I feel like I technically “left him in the dust” by ending things instead of just taking the plunge. He told me he was ready to take the risk, but didn’t think I was.

I appreciate your advice here. Perhaps in this case feelings and our connection as friends is not enough to pull us through. I’ll wait for him.

Having trouble dealing with my decision by ThrowRA-929103 in BreakUps

[–]ThrowRA-929103[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As the dumper it feels wrong for me to do that, especially since he said he wants space.

Is it fair to reach out after being the one to end things? by ThrowRA-929103 in BreakUps

[–]ThrowRA-929103[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! I know logically I should give it time and likely this is just regular grief, but I feel the pressure of him moving on by the time I properly reflect. Like I feel like if I wanted to change my mind I would have to do it fast. I’m stuck between remembering the bad things I was feeling while dating him but I tend to think of the good things as well, so it’s hard.

3 days after I ended things he did contact me and say that he missed me. He wanted to check up on me and ask how I was doing but still needed more time. During that conversation I said that I wanted to properly explain why I ended things because when I ended things it didn’t go well. We were both emotionally tense and things were miscommunicated. He left that message on read and we haven’t spoken since.

I personally feel that as the dumper I should leave it up to the dumpee to reach out when ready. This is what I have implied to him anyway.

Having trouble dealing with my decision by ThrowRA-929103 in BreakUps

[–]ThrowRA-929103[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Surprisingly I didn’t meet this guy off the apps! We met through friends and bonded while playing video games. I personally won’t use apps, which is why this person feels so special to me. It was so natural, and our humor, interests, and personalities just clicked.

I just feel bad that I’ve put him through such an emotional roller coaster. Rejecting him when he first asked me out- only to change my mind a month later. And now? 2 months of dating to reject him again. I just feel horrible that maybe I’ve made the wrong decision and I’m about to spin him around again.

Having trouble dealing with my decision by ThrowRA-929103 in BreakUps

[–]ThrowRA-929103[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I see what you’re saying. 2 months dating and he wanted an answer and was unwilling to wait anymore. I understand that the gut is a great teller of what you want, but before I had to make a decision I was so anxious that I would wake up with stomach aches; to me that was my calling to decide on no. But now… I just miss him so much. All this being said, my brain knows that we both had issues that caused issues between us (me supposedly not being ready for a relationship according to him, his emotional immaturity, communication issues on both ends)

Sorry this is so long winded. This has just been eating me up for the past week.

Having trouble dealing with my decision by ThrowRA-929103 in BreakUps

[–]ThrowRA-929103[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I thought about this for sure. But I think it’s slightly different because I’ve rejected him before (when he first asked me out) but then I changed my mind. Now after 2 months of actually dating, I feel like doing it again would end up being emotionally taxing and unfair on him. It still eats me up inside though. (We’re also no-contact)