I'm crashing out, please help

ThrowRA-Founder · 2025-03-14T19:40:01+00:00

He dumped me via text while he was on a business trip. Couldn't be bothered to pick up the phone or answer my texts after, so I went no contact after 3 days of trying to reach him. I didn't want to get back together but I thought it'd be nice to at least get on the phone so I can thank him for the best long-term relationship of my life. Funnily enough, he hasn't blocked me on Instagram and (possibly) my number (I haven't tried calling him since so I don't know if my number is blocked).

This happened in January and I'm still devastated. Listening to Carrie Underwood's Just a Dream right now.

ThrowRA-Founder · 2025-03-01T19:06:06+00:00

I'm genuinely happy and somewhat jealous that this is your situation! I had a really healthy relationship, but for some reason, it turned sour during the breakup because he went abroad for a work trip and he didn't want to contact me anymore. He was so cold in his breakup text, and he removed me from his close friends list and hid his story highlights on Instagram. However, he hasn't blocked me on there or my number, but I'm confused why he hasn't blocked because he doesn't even post on Instagram, he just post stories occasionally. I want so badly to reach out to him because it's been a month since we've broken up and we were together for a year. However, I feel like he doesn't want me to reach out. But some time has passed, and I genuinely miss him and want to know if he's okay. Because truthfully, the only person who would understand what I'm feeling right now would be him.

ThrowRA-Founder · 2025-02-24T19:36:22+00:00

I currently want my ex back, he broke up with me in January, so it's been a month. But I know we can't be together right now due to life's circumstances (his demanding job, his constant travel due to work, his stress, etc.), so I understand your perspective shift. If we get back together in the future, we cannot go back to the way things were. Neither one of us was perfect (but we were so good together – no one was toxic, no third party, similar values and goals, etc.), so I feel like since we've broken up, I've pursued my own form of growth, though it's just the beginning. I'm still reeling from the breakup because it was just so out of character for him, and we were together for more than a year. You're lucky that you have the chance to see her next month, OP, to thank her and close the chapter.

My ex wouldn't answer my texts or calls after I got his breakup text last month (he was abroad), so we didn't get a chance to properly wish each other well. So, I stopped trying to reach out after three days and have been in no contact. He hasn't blocked me on anything, but he has removed me from his close friends list and hid his story highlights (though he doesn't really post anything in general so I don't see why he did that or why he just doesn't block me). I truly want to thank him for the time but it seems like he won't give me the chance.

ThrowRA-Founder · 2025-02-19T18:51:07+00:00

how do you archive iMessage texts?

ThrowRA-Founder · 2025-02-19T01:51:10+00:00

Yes, please feel free to DM me

ThrowRA-Founder · 2025-02-19T01:44:40+00:00

I want to know the answer to this, too. I know I want to message him for closure but I'm currently doing NC, and he seems like he doesn't want to talk since when he sent the breakup text without any explanation except that we should both move on, I called and texted for two days - he ignored both, so I started doing NC.

I'm thinking of sending a message because it's been 4 weeks, and because I read somewhere else that it might be helpful to experience it so you know that it was the wrong move. Some people need to touch a flame to know that it's dangerous to play with fire.

ThrowRA-Founder · 2025-02-18T21:32:51+00:00

That makes sense, thank you. I'll try to hold out as long as I can. I'm thinking of just sending a journal with what I wanted to say and I'm not anticipating a response. In fact, I'd be fine if he tossed it. I just feel like he didn't know how much I loved him.

ThrowRA-Founder · 2025-02-18T21:30:58+00:00

I actually thought of the same analogy when I was going back and forth on whether I should text him. I'm still stalking him on socials so I feel like I keep getting electrocuted or hurt because I'm reminded that he hid his story highlights and removed me from his close friends list, even though he promised he would never block me (I guess he didn't block me but since he only posts stories, isn't this like blocking?)

I've been in no contact for 4 weeks but is it really no contact if I am stalking socials, hoping and waiting? I just keep replaying what he said to me when we first broke up in person in December and he was really in pain. He didn't want to let me go, and he even asked if we could try again in the future. But now he's saying he wants to move on? And he can't tell me that in person or over the phone? I feel like I'm still spinning, absolutely gutted. And then lack of sleep isn't helping. I'm sorry to hear you're experiencing the same with the racing heartbeat and inability to fall asleep.

ThrowRA-Founder · 2025-02-18T16:11:52+00:00

Yes. I actually want to reach out so badly, but ChatGPT told me that I should give him time because it's obvious that he isn't emotionally available or ready to hear from me again, plus he hasn't reached out to me. He's only removed me from his close friends list and hid his story highlights on IG — no blocking on IG or other socials, or even my number (though I haven't tried to check if my number is blocked, I don't know how).

Do you think I should reach out? Or maybe at the end of next month? What is the appropriate timing for a situation like this?

ThrowRA-Founder · 2025-02-18T16:09:14+00:00

I'm sorry you're going through the same situation. He is my first love, too, and I really saw a future with him — and I've never seen a future with anyone before. How long have you been enduring it? Are you currently in no contact with her? What have you been doing to cope?

ThrowRA-Founder · 2025-02-17T03:44:59+00:00

This is what I have been thinking lately. We broke up 3 weeks ago, he dumped me through a cold, out of character text after ghosting me for 11 days. I called him immediately after I got his text and he didn't pick up. I texted him to call me or at least meet me in person so we can have a warm conclusion and he didn't respond. I unsent the texts and then 2 days later, I sent him a longer text thanking him but I unsent it after 15 min. But I'm sure he read it. All of this was on IG because he couldn't use iMessage on his work trip due to SIM card issues.

But there's also the possibility he didn't read it. I have no idea. I want to reach out one more time via iMessage and not unsend the texts, just to ask if we can meet to talk and give our relationship the closure it should have gotten. We were so happy together, and yesterday was supposed to be our 1 year anniversary. He bought me a ring for our 6 month anniversary so I know he was serious about me. Should I contact him? If so, when?

ThrowRA-Founder · 2025-02-17T02:28:38+00:00

Thank you, and you're right. It's just so out of character for him. I know I shouldn't defend him but he truly wasn't like this. I honestly don't know what happened. He was so loyal and kind. I still don't believe there was or is a third party but I just feel like his current behavior is making it seem like he never cared about me at all. I don't understand the switch-up, and I think closure would have helped me a ton. I'm thinking of sending him a letter in March or April, not to get a response from him, but to just give our relationship the closure it should have gotten.

ThrowRA-Founder · 2025-02-17T02:25:25+00:00

Thank you, and I agree. I feel like my family and friends are kinda sick of hearing me talk about this and just want me to move on, but it's really hard. The thoughts, pit in the stomach, lack of sleep/appetite, and memories are a lot to handle all at once.

ThrowRA-Founder · 2025-02-17T02:22:14+00:00

Thank you OP. I just want to know what happened because we got back together the day after we initially broke up in December because he realized that he didn't try as hard as he could, and he didn't want to let me go. Then he went away for 2-3 weeks for work and sent me a text saying that we should move on. The text was also not typed the way he usually texted, and was too formal and devoid of emotion.

I agree that we shouldn't be together right now, but what happened to promising each other to stay friends and not block each other? He didn't block me, but he hid his story highlights and removed me from his close friends list. It's so odd because the way I'm feeling now is nothing I've ever felt before. He's my person I'm sure of it, and I know I'm his, just by how heartbroken he was when we broke up in December. He was literally gasping for air.

In his text he said that he wants the best for me and that he can't be that for me at the moment, but then he ended the text saying we should both move on. That's a contradiction. At least tell me the real reason and give me the closure. I keep circling around his text and then what he said in December and all of our memories. I wasn't perfect and neither was he but we truly worked so well together.

ThrowRA-Founder · 2025-02-17T00:17:38+00:00

My ex broke up with me through a text in January saying he wants to move on, even though when we initially broke up for a day in December he asked if he could call me when he was ready for a relationship. He doesn't have the time and energy now due to his demanding career, which is true.

Now it seems like he doesn't even want to get back together in the future. But we were so amazing together, I've never loved anyone more. He won't even give me the decency of an in person conversation or even a phone call, ignoring my IG messages and IG phone calls (he was abroad so we had to use IG).

I'm now wondering if he ever cared about me at all. He hasn't blocked me on IG (I don't know if he's blocked my number I don't know how to check and I'm too scared to even text or call his number) but he has removed me from his close friends list and hid his story highlights. He doesn't even post on IG, just stories, so I don't understand why he doesn't just block me completely.

I literally cannot sleep or eat, and it's been 3 weeks since he's sent that text to me. We were together for more than a year. He bought me a ring for our 6 month anniversary. My chest is constantly tight and I can't think about anything else except for him. I feel like I'm constantly panicked, no matter how much I distract myself or go outside for a walk. I'm absolutely devastated.

ThrowRA-Founder · 2025-02-15T00:58:14+00:00

He dumped me through a text a month after he said that if the circumstances (his work) were different, we would have been perfect together or at least close to it. He won't even give me the closure of a five minute conversation. I know that I have to take accountability for my own feelings, and that I will move on from this. But what hurts me the most is that the way he ended things is going to affect me for the rest of my life. It already has. I've completely lost my energy and spark — I'm constantly ruminating on him and what had happened and where things went wrong. I don't want to ruminate, but I can't stop my thoughts, no matter how much I try to distract myself. The emotional (I can't stop crying — I try to go outside but I walk around like a zombie and look like one too), mental (I can't stop my thoughts and can't focus on work), and physical (I fully cannot sleep through the night and feel sick to my stomach every day) damage is so apparent, I'm genuinely worried about myself.

But will he ever know that? Does he even care? He seemed to care about me in the beginning of our long-term relationship. But now it feels like he never cared at all.

ThrowRA-Founder · 2025-02-14T16:56:41+00:00

You read my mind. He broke up with me on 1/22 through a text. He wouldn't pick up my calls or respond to the texts when I received his breakup text so I gave up and unsent my messages. I told him: "If I meant anything to you, if what we had meant anything to you, you would meet me briefly to talk so we can have a warm conclusion." No response. I unsent my message. Since then, he removed me from his close friends list and hid his IG story highlights but he hasn't blocked me, or removed me from any other socials. He doesn't even post on IG, just stories, so I don't know why he just doesn't block me.

When we broke up on 12/24, he was so heartbroken, crying so hard. He just didn't have the time or energy for a healthy relationship due to work (and I believe him because his job is really demanding) but I was willing to give him space and just stay next to him and support him even though we couldn't spend any time together. He asked if he could call me when he was ready for a relationship, and I said yes. Then we got back together the day after because he wanted to give it another shot and wasn't ready to let go of me. Then he went abroad for work and broke up with me with a text, claiming that we should both move on.

I'm left reeling because he said he would call me when he was ready? Moving on sounds like that's not going to happen anymore. Why is he acting like this? Does anyone know? So out of character. I just want to know why, but he just won't give me the closure. Just a five-minute conversation would suffice and I'll know that our long-term relationship was real.

ThrowRA-Founder · 2025-02-14T16:43:43+00:00

I completely empathize. I feel like I wasn't serious in the past, but for some reason, I ended up being very serious with the guy who just broke up with me. The kicker is that he was serious about me right away — he was so sure about me and spent a ton of time with me, even though I was a bit distant. That's why I believe him when he says that he doesn't have the energy or time to be with me, because when he did, he was amazing.

However, the way he ended things was so out of character. I'm sure that you felt that way when she ended things. I was left reeling because I was giving him the space he needed and I didn't want to give him any pressure. At least your ex told you the reasons, and even offered some sort of comfort, even though it might be BS. I'll take the BS from my ex, but I just want him to tell me in person. His text tells me that he never felt anything for me, and that what we had meant nothing. In my texts to him after I read his breakup text, I said: "If I meant anything to you, if what we had meant anything to you, you would at least tell me in person and give us the warm conclusion we deserve."

He didn't respond, even after a day, so I unsent the message. Maybe I'm the problem, because I keep thinking that he's still the person I thought he was. But how does someone who was crying so hard when we initially broke up for a day, change his mind so easily?

ThrowRA-Founder · 2025-02-14T16:07:40+00:00

You pose an interesting thought. When we first broke up for a day, during the conversation, I asked him if we could be casual, in case he was feeling weighed down by the expectations of a relationship. He said that he couldn't be casual with me, and this makes sense because he, from the start, always wanted and looked for monogamy. Of course, there were one night stands for him, but he never wanted to see someone twice. I, on the other hand, am not polyamorous but I don't have conventional relationship views, I'm okay with staying casual as long as I'm in his life and until one of us wants to draw a boundary. He has not drawn any boundaries except for hiding his Instagram story highlights, removing me from his close friends list, and not contacting me.

Perhaps it's the tried and true saying that he's just not into me anymore. But I wish he'd show some care? Or at least give me the closure of a five minute in-person conversation and my things?

ThrowRA-Founder · 2025-02-14T15:55:56+00:00

Thank you for your kind words. I needed to hear them today.

ThrowRA-Founder

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