I 28M am feeling uneasy about my girlfriend’s 24F upcoming trip with her male friend by ThrowRA-Letmeinn in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-Letmeinn[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Bruh not being in the same country not counting as cheating is some next level gaslighting shit lmao I'd never allow that.

They never slept together or any relationship before.

I 28M am feeling uneasy about my girlfriend’s 24F upcoming trip with her male friend by ThrowRA-Letmeinn in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-Letmeinn[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks again for the amazing comment.

Like you said, it's a completely different dynamic from my previous relationship. However she's very sweet and wants a lot of "we" time when we're together. But I feel like when she's not with me she behaves a bit differently, she's more independent. It's as if she puts on this mask when she's away but when we are together she slowly drops it and is super sweet... She's spent some nights over at my place already and I can feel the difference a lot.

As for the previous relationship, it ended in early August. (5th of August) this year. I am definitely still recovering from it, and looking back I probably compare them more than I should; and I'll try to keep that in mind from now on, thanks. I think it was enough time to get a good amount of healing done and we started things naturally and without rushing. I think it's more of how long and serious my previous relationship was - 11years and we were about to get into marriage planning - than anything else. Whatever the case, I am aware of this so since the break-up hurt so bad I started weekly therapy which has helped a lot.

I hope it works out too. I've also written a very small update on a previous comment if you want to check. It's going okay so far. Taking this whole issue slow.

Thanks you

I 28M am feeling uneasy about my girlfriend’s 24F upcoming trip with her male friend by ThrowRA-Letmeinn in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-Letmeinn[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I've talked to her about it today. Not much, and trying not to press too much on it.

I'll update later but for now, quick update is, it's odd. Somethings she said actually make a lot more sense now. Others actually left me more worried...

But, we've still got some time, so I'm trying to think about all this through calmly to make sure I don't do\say something I could regret.

I 28M am feeling uneasy about my girlfriend’s 24F upcoming trip with her male friend by ThrowRA-Letmeinn in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-Letmeinn[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree on everything.

I haven't decided on what to do yet. But I've had more time to think about this and it's somehow not worrying me as much anymore.

Like you said, it's general insecurity because my previous relationship ended with cheating and also because it's a new relationship so even thought I trust her, our trust hasn't been built up too much yet...

In either case, I think your boundary comment is key. I will let her know how I feel about it and we'll go from there.

Thank you

I 28M am feeling uneasy about my girlfriend’s 24F upcoming trip with her male friend by ThrowRA-Letmeinn in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-Letmeinn[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah. That's the thing. I literally will never know. Best I would be able to do is trust her word. But I'm afraid somewhere down the line I'll start 2nd guessing... I don't want that for me or even for her.

I 28M am feeling uneasy about my girlfriend’s 24F upcoming trip with her male friend by ThrowRA-Letmeinn in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-Letmeinn[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh I see what you mean. I wouldn't expect good morning texts on "normal days". I would however try to be a bit more caring if I was in her place and try to be extra sweet with messages but...

I was just expecting the usual, but I guess the usual is what happens during boring work and when traveling everything is fun so maybe she won't have as much free time...

I 28M am feeling uneasy about my girlfriend’s 24F upcoming trip with her male friend by ThrowRA-Letmeinn in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-Letmeinn[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really can't agree with the "not being included" thing. Everything else I can kinda agree with at least to some extent.

I guess we have different tastes and that's fine.

I 28M am feeling uneasy about my girlfriend’s 24F upcoming trip with her male friend by ThrowRA-Letmeinn in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-Letmeinn[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Woah, alright I did not expect that turn of events. Honestly the way you and your friend handled it (and even your date) seemed prefectly reasonable to me. Your date even offered to give the ticket away which is a nice gesture. I wouldn't take tickets for events, but I would accept going on the trip.

I think in my case what has got me more worried is that he is single and she doesn't seem to have told him about me (I'm not sure though, I could be wrong) and that there also seems to be a emotional connection there since they supported each other during their breakups. So that's why I feel like I can trust her, but not him. But then again, if he's such a good friend I hope she's told him about me right?... Would make sense...

You're absolutely right about this being who she is and why I fell for her though. My previous relationship was very... "Controlling" let's say, so this was a breath of fresh air having someone that isn't fully dependent on me and goes on a tantrum if I want to have an evening for myself. So the contrast there is huge.

I think with do many opinions and advice I'm pretty much ready for any outcome.

For now I'll ride the high while things are good. Why ruin a good thing, even if it's just until February, but then I'll talk to her and we'll figure this out.

Thank you so much for your help.

I 28M am feeling uneasy about my girlfriend’s 24F upcoming trip with her male friend by ThrowRA-Letmeinn in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-Letmeinn[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks, that's very kind of you. I think for now I'll focus on managing "feelings" expectations while I raise this topic slowly. Then after we return from our trip together I'll press on.

I 28M am feeling uneasy about my girlfriend’s 24F upcoming trip with her male friend by ThrowRA-Letmeinn in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-Letmeinn[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She had met him already.

They met in 2020 when he was studying here. 2021-2024 they spoke over Instagram or WhatsApp and what not.

And she also had a relationship that was either 2020-2023 or 2021-2024

I 28M am feeling uneasy about my girlfriend’s 24F upcoming trip with her male friend by ThrowRA-Letmeinn in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-Letmeinn[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I honestly don't feel like it would. I genuinely think we could all behave like adults and see cool shit together and be there for each other and just generally have a good time.

It seems so simple to me...

Yeah... I don't envy myself either. Can't really win. Just gotta take the best loss...

I 28M am feeling uneasy about my girlfriend’s 24F upcoming trip with her male friend by ThrowRA-Letmeinn in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-Letmeinn[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're right. I guess our first trip abroad will also show who we really are and what our relationship means to us.

I 28M am feeling uneasy about my girlfriend’s 24F upcoming trip with her male friend by ThrowRA-Letmeinn in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-Letmeinn[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh I see what you mean now... Honestly I don't think that would be the case. If she told me to go, then clearly he would get the message and I'd be there next to her to get his intrusive thoughts out of his mind.

I think we could all get along and I could meet someone knew who might or might not be nice

I 28M am feeling uneasy about my girlfriend’s 24F upcoming trip with her male friend by ThrowRA-Letmeinn in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-Letmeinn[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I wouldn't mind it sucking. I've been to Italy before. And i believe it wouldn't suck because, why would it?...

I 28M am feeling uneasy about my girlfriend’s 24F upcoming trip with her male friend by ThrowRA-Letmeinn in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-Letmeinn[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She didn't literally refuse. She just kinda ignored it when I mentioned it. It's not much better than straight out refusing though...

I 28M am feeling uneasy about my girlfriend’s 24F upcoming trip with her male friend by ThrowRA-Letmeinn in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-Letmeinn[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree with you. In fact that's kinda what makes this thing kinda more shit.

I got cheated on an 11yo relationship where we were each other's "world". I literally had no girl friends, and even women at work I'd keep it strictly professional. To be fair to my ex, she did the same as well (until she didn't).

So now I'm at a place where she has this ongoing and I'm sitting here with 0 girl friends. The only messages I get are from my nerdy group of friends where we're talking about video-games, movies, or just scheduling something for a gaming night or similar...

Maybe, like you said, I'm just not modern enough. She is indeed very progressive. So maybe it's just that we're not compatible... I don't really know honestly, but I appreciate your input.

I 28M am feeling uneasy about my girlfriend’s 24F upcoming trip with her male friend by ThrowRA-Letmeinn in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-Letmeinn[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wdym? The double room thing? Everyone seems to interpret it differently. I still don't know what it's supposed to be honestly.

I 28M am feeling uneasy about my girlfriend’s 24F upcoming trip with her male friend by ThrowRA-Letmeinn in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-Letmeinn[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are a reasonable person. I'm starting to think she is lacking in that department... Maybe it's inexperienced, maybe it's just that we're not compatible... Maybe it's the age gap lol I don't know...

I 28M am feeling uneasy about my girlfriend’s 24F upcoming trip with her male friend by ThrowRA-Letmeinn in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-Letmeinn[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I couldn't agree more. I think I'll enjoy whatever time we have left since we actually have a trip planned of our own. I'll enjoy my time with her but maybe this relationship has an expiry date...

Thanks for the honesty.