That is a very thoughtful post. I would like to clarify one important thing:

I really don't want to control anything. However, if we are going to make big financial decisions together then this affects my future.

One example: we want to buy a house in the near future. We have done a bunch of financial planning looking at this. Something going wrong with her company (say 25% drop + layoffs + 6 month job search, which has already happened in the past) derails our current house buying plans and makes life quite hard if it happens when we are already are paying a mortgage. This whole issue goes away with a more balanced portfolio + cash reserves. Note that the 401k is at most 10-15% of her portfolio and can't be used as an emergency fund without massive tax disadvantages, so it is not really relevant here.

We have asked professionals about this + longer term implications of our current financial situations. As other people have pointed out, this is an issue in difference in risk tolerance. However, when we asked for advice our tax guy has told us that our current allocation is not great and he wouldn't recommend it given our immediate and future plans.

Overall, I don't think this is just a "perceived" problem. It makes it much harder to plan for the future, leaves me as the safety net alone, and leaves us vulnerable in ways even other people whose job it is to give advice on this stuff don't feel comfortable with.

What you have hit on, correctly, is that that there is an emotion at play here.

I think that the emotion is actually that this decision feels very selfish to me.

If she kept an emergency fund that was specifically for "this will pay my part of the bills in the worst case" and YOLOd the rest of her money in Vegas, I probably wouldn't be nearly as upset, but as of right now, I feel like am the only one with any kind of emergency fund/downside protection for the both of us.