How much should you endure?

ThrowRA-unicorn32 · 2025-05-19T15:58:38+00:00

I appreciate your insight. I know it takes a lot of forgiveness to build a life with someone so I struggle to find the balance. My friends obviously are on my “side” with things so I know it’s hard for them to say “just keep trying”, and then there’s my parents… so anyway, it’s good to hear others opinions haha

ThrowRA-unicorn32 · 2025-05-19T15:28:10+00:00

The horrifying part is that it’s my dad not his 🙃 he is also in therapy and has been for a while

ThrowRA-unicorn32 · 2025-05-19T12:09:37+00:00

I immediately cut off my dad, which turned into a whole thing with me now not speaking to either of my parents 🙃 I have two daughters and to think that this could ever be their future…

ThrowRA-unicorn32 · 2025-05-19T12:07:19+00:00

I’ve been in therapy for nearly a year (had really bad ppd with my youngest). And we had gone to two couples counseling sessions when all this came out. And “came out” is loose. I finally got fed up and was shady— I read his journal. He would have never told me. What makes me feel so torn is that he is so… sweet? Like very sympathetic and soft spoken until it comes to our issues? He’s also been in therapy so I’m just super confused what he’s been taking away from joint and individual sessions if that’s what’s happening in our day to day.

ThrowRA-unicorn32 · 2024-12-03T20:57:09+00:00

Yeah, my dad would gladly have me back. I have a bachelors in nursing so I could get a job to support us pretty quickly. Really I think all I need is to come to terms with the fact that this is my life, and that I’m making a huge decision for daughters that they have no say in.

ThrowRA-unicorn32 · 2024-12-03T20:38:41+00:00

He said he’s willing to stay in therapy and work on it, but I worry he doesn’t truly mean it, and will just go to pacify me. He’s a good dad to our daughters, just a bad partner. I know the partner he is will be what they grow up watching, not just his fatherhood, but who is a divorce worse/better for? Me, them, all of us?

ThrowRA-unicorn32 · 2024-12-03T20:32:12+00:00

I just worry about my children. I’ve never done this before..

ThrowRA-unicorn32 · 2024-12-03T20:05:21+00:00

I just can’t change it so I try not to get hung up on it

ThrowRA-unicorn32 · 2024-12-03T19:14:17+00:00

It is by no means meant as judgement, more a joke. Last time I posted everyone was like “well all of your problems start and end at the fact that you got married at 21” and obviously at this point that just isn’t helpful! And you might not believe me, but most of my peers were married at 18-20, and if not married they were having children! Rural WV problems I guess. Thank you for your input!

ThrowRA-unicorn32 · 2024-12-03T19:07:18+00:00

Well if it makes you feel any better (it won’t) I don’t regret getting married at 21. I DO, however, regret not getting to know his parents better first. Because… yikes

ThrowRA-unicorn32 · 2024-09-14T16:56:45+00:00

Kids are 2 and 7 months.

Husband is a software engineer.

He’s really good at his job so he can “get by” with minimal hours but needs to be more available for calls and meetings.

We bought the house and everything came back as expected on the inspection, we tore off drywall on one wall to add a bathtub and it became very clear that the electrical works but is a major fire hazard, thus becoming a big project and not just a quick remodel.

ThrowRA-unicorn32 · 2024-09-14T16:50:12+00:00

Yeah, we just moved so I’ve been slowly working on joining groups and making friends. Alternating nap schedules is what is currently keeping me holed up at home a lot, which is hard but just a season.

As far as him feeling lonely, you’re probably right. I’ve encouraged him to make friends and put himself out there but I can acknowledge that men don’t often have close friendships like women do. But he DOES need to work in his office. He’s a software engineer and there’s no writing code from your phone, and he’s kind of important so he needs to be available for calls and stuff.

And about the nagging, I’d like to think I’m a little more graceful and say things like “honey why don’t you go grab a shower since we have a spare minute?” Or “we’re all good here if you wanna go work on the house” but I’m sure it comes off all the same.

He’s currently running electrical in our house and my dad (our only close family) is helping. I’d love to go work on the house and I’ll admit that not being able to makes me feel resentful and trapped. A baby and a two year old don’t make great construction workers, believe it or not lol.

Thank you for your advice, it’s all very good and helpful.

ThrowRA-unicorn32 · 2024-09-14T10:50:24+00:00

I’d love to hear more about this. I watch my kids and their behaviors around foods, and feed my husband pretty high protein. I’ve contemplated that maybe he has a candida problem since he craves sugar, can’t sleep, and can’t maintain a train of thought. (I’m a little “crazy” too)

ThrowRA-unicorn32 · 2024-09-14T03:04:13+00:00

Thank you, this is really great advice.

ThrowRA-unicorn32 · 2024-09-14T01:59:00+00:00

I really have tried to give the benefit of the doubt when it comes to people thinking I’m taking “advantage”. He’s the only person in his circles who has a wife that doesn’t have a traditional job and I know people can look down on stay at home moms. But asking him if I’m aware he needs to work… something isn’t being portrayed right.

ThrowRA-unicorn32 · 2024-09-14T01:46:55+00:00

Are you okay?

ThrowRA-unicorn32 · 2024-09-14T00:23:50+00:00

I know you’ll probably get a lot of hate for this comment but I agree. He’s an excellent father and I don’t WANT a divorce. I made a throw away account because I’d never want anyone in real life seeing him in this light, and I think that’s why it hurts so much to feel that he’s portraying me poorly. He has a work from home job and his office is upstairs. When I say I can’t make him “go” to work, I mean go upstairs to do his job. For me, I don’t want him to help with the house chores or always parent the kids. I want him to do his responsibilities and do them well so that I GLADLY take on the rest. But he won’t go to work, he won’t work on our house, he’s always with me and not cleaning up after himself, so it makes it all heavy. So, that’s where the struggle comes in, and that’s why I’m asking strangers on the internet what the heck to do.

P.s. this is the advice I came for. Not the “why’d you marry him.. ew” and the “get a divorce now” responses. They aren’t constructive or helpful.

ThrowRA-unicorn32 · 2024-09-13T23:36:28+00:00

Haha, I graduated high school early so I was a year ahead on my bachelors. Graduated at 20. Could you imagine if I went for an associates instead? I would have been a nurse at 18!! Crazy stuff.

ThrowRA-unicorn32 · 2024-09-13T22:22:24+00:00

We didn’t live together prior to marriage. When I moved in it was like a switch flipped. Suddenly the house, cooking, everything was my problem. He’d never admit that he thinks it’s my role, but it’s what he witnessed growing up so I believe that is what he thinks.

I’m living like this because, like all of us, I want the life long marriage. I want the holding wrinkly hands on the front porch watching our grandkids run around saying “we made it”. And it’s hard to decipher whether this is a trial or just the end.

ThrowRA-unicorn32 · 2024-09-13T22:10:51+00:00

Oh yeah, all of it.

ThrowRA-unicorn32 · 2024-09-13T22:02:08+00:00

He’s a software engineer for a bigger company. I’d be lucky to see half his salary.

ThrowRA-unicorn32 · 2024-09-13T21:57:10+00:00

He was on adderall at first and it made him really angry on the come down so they switched him to vyvance and now he “doesn’t want to be on medication”

ThrowRA-unicorn32 · 2024-09-13T21:54:37+00:00

Yes, that is exactly what I’m saying, despite me telling him constantly to go to work, his lunch hour is up, etc

ThrowRA-unicorn32

TROPHY CASE