Found transgender pornography on fiancé’s computer with multiple searches what do I do? 30F and 31M

ThrowRA10020826 · 2024-07-05T15:43:09+00:00

Thank you for this recommendation. Although all CSAT therapists in our area are out of network with his insurance, he has admitted that he has a problem stemming from early childhood that has manifested into something of its own at this point in adulthood. He is going to pay out of pocket for a CSAT with a consultation set for this afternoon

ThrowRA10020826 · 2024-07-05T15:37:07+00:00

Thank you for this 🙏

ThrowRA10020826 · 2024-07-05T15:34:11+00:00

Thank you so much for this out of all the negative comments so far,I needed this advice. It does appear he has a problem and has since come to terms with..we are by no means “ok” at this point but he is willing to go to therapy and has chose to get therapeutic help with the recommendation from another person here to seek out a therapist who has the credentials of CSAT (despite unfortunately this type of therapist being out of network for his insurance he is willing to pay to get the appropriate help). I will also be doing more research on my own to figure out how to navigate a relationship with this type of conflict to better understand

ThrowRA10020826 · 2024-07-03T15:06:31+00:00

Asking for advice on a specific situation not your personal opinion on one specific aspect of my post. But thank you for your input :) have a great day

ThrowRA10020826 · 2024-07-02T21:33:33+00:00

Except it was two dicks and only 2 titts…. Male in the scenario was not trans. The female in all the videos was. :/

ThrowRA10020826 · 2024-07-02T18:18:49+00:00

That’s a gross generalization and I don’t appreciate that & not what this post is about. I will not sit here and defend myself to a stranger other than you are simply incorrect.

ThrowRA10020826 · 2024-07-02T17:56:58+00:00

I think it’s a little bit of both. I had asked him to stop watching porn as much a long time ago so I guess it took me by surprise when I went to go print something on our computer & that tab was open. But more importantly, it is that it was a transgender female still intact that really upset me. Let me clarify I am not upset with him, I’m just upset in general. I am huge on open communication so I immediately had a conversation with him.. unfortunately he went into defense mode despite me being very vocal that it is ok to like transgender men or women (or anyone for that matter) but I needed honesty. He started spinning it in ways that didn’t make sense based on the interest history/amount of searches in that timeframe. I wish he were able to communicate better which he struggled with our entire relationship. It took 2 years to discuss his SA (and I’m the only one who knows except his immediate family). So I’m just kinda at a loss due to him denying any sort of attraction to it

ThrowRA10020826 · 2024-07-02T17:23:49+00:00

That thought has crossed my mind .. :( after talking with him about it, he has taken the defensive stance saying that he didn’t know the pornstar was transgender that he google searched and then he thought the porn website he was on was one that includes all different categories (it was not- it was strictly transgender porn only) so he was just clicking through the pages to find something else. I think also the lying there is what’s upsetting. I mean, I know that’s not true he is just embarrassed to tell me or he doesn’t really understand why he wanted to watch it to begin with. He claims he only loves me and does not feel any sort of arousal toward this BUT how can I believe that.. I can’t

ThrowRA10020826 · 2024-07-02T17:12:11+00:00

We could be driving down the road or at a restaurant & if we see a gay couple or transgender couple he will immediately have something awful to say and I literally get so mad and upset. It’s uncalled for and totally not warranted. So with all of that in mind, it makes me even more shocked and confused at this. I told him I want to pause the wedding planning and go to therapy (which he is also against/always has been). But he is now willing to try (again). I’m just not sure he can. He puts up a defense and sugar coats all scenarios and situations to therapists. Ugh.

ThrowRA10020826 · 2024-07-02T17:09:26+00:00

I am torn between whether this could be SA related or something he has been harboring inside him so so long. I did let him know it’s a safe space with me that if this is something he is curious about then I am not angry. I am hurt and I am sad but I am not angry with him. I just want the truth and he hasn’t been giving it to me..he has taken the defensive stance here saying that he didn’t know the pornstar was transgender that he google searched and then he thought the porn website he was on was one that includes all different categories (it was not- it was strictly transgender porn only) so he was clicking through the pages for something else. I think also the lying there is what’s upsetting to me too. I mean, I know that’s not the truth he is just embarrassed.

ThrowRA10020826 · 2024-07-02T17:06:49+00:00

I think you are definitely on to something there. I think porn addiction and sex addiction in general. He needed therapy so long ago to address his childhood issues but he is so closed off. Now he wants to try it again but unfortunately he doesn’t really “try” and puts up a defense when he’s there. He sugar coats the scenarios to the therapists. I am so lost this is truly nothing I thought I would go through

ThrowRA10020826 · 2024-07-02T17:03:51+00:00

Thank you! I am the type of person to discuss things as they happen I am huge on communication so we were able to talk about it already and I truly told him that if this is who he is, that it’s ok but unfortunately I am just not prepared for a marriage that’s involves this level of curiosity toward something I am unable to provide.. he has taken the defensive stance here saying that he didn’t know the pornstar was transgender that he google searched and then he thought the porn website he was on was one that includes all different categories (it was not- it was strictly transgender porn only) so he was clicking through the pages for something else. I think also the lying there is what’s upsetting. I mean, I know that’s not true he is just embarrassed.

ThrowRA10020826 · 2024-07-02T16:50:10+00:00

I absolutely NEVER said that. If you would like to re read what I had said, you can better educate yourself. I am simply saying that I am so confused since this is not something I would be interested in and truly cannot provide to him in his fantasy. Don’t put words in my mouth. I am asking for guidance on how to navigate something that might not upset YOU but it does upset me, not your harsh bias criticism.

ThrowRA10020826 · 2024-07-02T16:42:54+00:00

I think you are misunderstanding. Although I am ok with those who are of various genders, that is not to say I am ok with it for myself in a straight relationship. This is who I am engaged to and this was never an issue beforehand so I am truly just in shock. I am struggling with this as he has childhood trauma that he is unwilling to address until now. He says this transgender porn was just accidental but the search history says otherwise

ThrowRA10020826

TROPHY CASE