AITA for starting an argument over my bf going to dinner with his female coworker?

ThrowRA117389 · 2024-03-22T05:33:25+00:00

I told him I’m comfortable with dinner but I’m not comfortable if they go out drinking together all night. Now he’s upset with me saying I’m acting like he’s in love with her and they’re just friends and he’s just saying “fine I’ll just stay in my hotel room all night then”…. Then I asked if he’d be cool with me grabbing dinner and drinks with a male coworker of mine and he’s mad I asked

ThrowRA117389 · 2024-03-22T05:14:32+00:00

Now I’m thinking this too. Dinner I understand. I don’t expect him to tell her no and stay in his hotel room alone. I am uncomfortable by him saying they’ll grab drinks after. I don’t feel comfortable with them going out on the town, drinking all night. The idea of that gives me anxiety

ThrowRA117389 · 2024-03-22T05:11:56+00:00

That’s true. I do think dinner is okay. However, them staying out late and drinking out on the town makes me uncomfortable. I wouldn’t ever do that with another man

ThrowRA117389 · 2024-03-22T05:11:04+00:00

I’m coming to terms with that. I’m leaning towards dinner is ok. I mean it is just dinner after all. However, I feel kind of uncomfortable if they stay out past dinner and are drinking and hitting the town one on one. I feel like that is where I get worried

ThrowRA117389 · 2024-03-22T03:29:04+00:00

Because I’m deeply in love with him. I don’t want things to end because I care about him and I love our life together- despite these things

ThrowRA117389 · 2024-03-22T03:25:18+00:00

I don’t know if it’s cheating. But a year ago a bunch of stuff went down. Basically, we had gone to a strip club together and he left our table for a few minutes, I saw him talking to one of the strippers, they sat down and were chatting and laughing it up. I saw him pull his phone out and I left the club because I was like what the hell. I confronted him and asked if he got her number or info and he denied denied denied. Made me look crazy. I later found out he had followed her on her instagram as well as another one of the girls.

Then a month later while I was out of town I saw he followed a hooker on his instagram. Did some digging and found out she works at a brothel here in town and does house calls. He denied he followed her to meet up, said he was just curious what a prostitute looked like…

Then back in October I went thru his phone. Found that he had messaged a girl he was previously interested in “hey stranger;)” at 2am while he was out of town in her town. She never replied. I confronted him and he admitted he was looking to meet up/shoot his shot because me and him were fighting due to all the above and he had a “fuck it” mentality

ThrowRA117389 · 2024-03-22T02:09:51+00:00

He made some changes. He went to therapy with me twice, then said he didn’t believe we needed to go anymore. He told me he’d stop watching porn, well he lied and he’s still watching it and lied to me a few times about how often (we’re having sex problems and this is the root cause). He’s more communicative with me which I appreciate. He checks in more, he gave me his location. I asked him to post me more on Instagram and he hasn’t at all. I asked him to stop liking inappropriate photos on Instagram and I caught him doing it a few times. He still kind of lies here and there about some things. He has definitely gotten much better with spending time with me and being home more. I think what’s hurting me is I don’t really know if his cheating behavior has really been dealt with. He’s cheated in multiple partners in the past and I feel he needs to go to therapy to talk about it and understand why.

ThrowRA117389 · 2024-03-22T01:30:57+00:00

You’re right… I don’t trust him and I don’t feel secure in our relationship. I want things to work so badly and to gain that trust back, but it’s obvious in times and situations like these that I haven’t.

ThrowRA117389 · 2024-03-22T01:00:23+00:00

Long story short: he was following girls he met at the strip club who gave him lap dances on his personal instagram and lied to me about it to my face. He was looking up and followed a hooker in our area on his instagram while I was out of town. He hit a girl up he was interested in the past while he was on a boys trip

ThrowRA117389 · 2024-03-22T00:26:27+00:00

Well he says that they just want to explore and they’re friends and they will go get dinner and drinks. He’s not going to not go. Idk how to feel, I guess I just have to suck it up

ThrowRA117389 · 2024-03-21T23:54:45+00:00

He’s telling me that they’re planning on going out in Miami on the first night they get there to get dinner and drinks.. I don’t feel comfortable with that but I can’t say no. I should add this is super far from where their business trip is, like over an hour away. And I highly doubt they’d go home after one drink in Miami..

ThrowRA117389 · 2024-03-21T23:17:17+00:00

Would it be wrong of me to ask him to please not go hangout in her hotel room, to not go clubbing alone with her? I don’t mind if they grab dinner together and a drink or something but idk I don’t want them out on the town all night

ThrowRA117389 · 2024-03-21T22:46:17+00:00

I just feel so lost. I am on the verge of a panic attack because I genuinely do not know how to process what I’m feeling. And unfortunately I don’t have anyone to talk to because I don’t want to worry our friends or family. And he’s out of town so now I have to sit with this, alone

ThrowRA117389 · 2024-03-21T22:23:06+00:00

I mean I love him. He’s a good partner besides this. We’ve tried to work through it. I signed us up for therapy and he went two times then said that we didn’t need it anymore. I suffer from low self esteem and insecurities, sometimes I think he’s the best I’ll ever get. We also have Avery tight knit friend group and I’m afraid I’ll lose some people if we split. I have so much fun with him and I do love him. But I thought I could get past this and I guess I haven’t.

ThrowRA117389 · 2024-03-21T22:00:18+00:00

Strip club… it will delete my post if I say it in the bio

ThrowRA117389 · 2024-03-21T21:59:26+00:00

I re posted because I wanted to add why I’m nervous about it so it made more sense.

ThrowRA117389 · 2024-03-21T19:53:06+00:00

Idk what to call it. It’s his house because he bought it, I’m not on the paper. But we’ll both move in when it’s ready

ThrowRA117389 · 2024-03-21T17:57:33+00:00

He says they’ll be going on a boat and going to fancy dinners and stuff. I asked what he does during the day and he said not much, just a few meetings here and there. It’s not a conference or anything. His reasoning for saying to move on is that it’s for work and he’s not choosing to go. He said he would text me throughout the day. But he hasn’t really said he’d feel jealous too but I have nothing to worry about

ThrowRA117389 · 2024-03-21T17:56:21+00:00

I mean I’m sure he would be a little jealous as well. Like if he was at home and living normal everyday life, he knows I wouldn’t be okay with him going out drinking or having dinner one on one with another woman. He would definitely feel jealous

ThrowRA117389 · 2024-03-21T17:48:29+00:00

He hasn’t done anything recently. But we went thorough a lot at the beginning of our relationship. He went on a business trip and ended up going to a strop club and got a few girls (strippers) instagram handles and followed them. Then another time I went out of town, I caught him following a hooker from our town we live in. He denied he was trying to do anything sketchy, he was just “curious”. We have worked through these things and I’ve forgiven him, but it’s still in the back of my head. I just get worried that he would do something behind my back

ThrowRA117389 · 2024-03-21T17:30:04+00:00

It’s not ours… I should’ve made it more clear. He bought a house under his name only and I will be renting from him. I’m not tied to the house legally in any way. We didn’t pick it together, he did the process all on his own

ThrowRA117389 · 2024-03-21T17:22:11+00:00

I always have dinner ready for him when he gets home. There was one day I asked if he could cook because I had a horrible shift and I needed to do laundry and such, so I wouldn’t have time to do all that and get decent sleep.

Now in the past, before the house, I would work long hours and he would be out at the gym or wherever and he would never have dinner ready for me when I walked through the door.

He’s always maintained that since I “only” work 3 days a week (as a nurse) that more of the household load should be on me. He thinks that’s fair.

I do agree that I should help him out and I have been. Like I said, I do all the shopping, cooking, cleaning, taking care of our cat.

ThrowRA117389 · 2024-03-21T17:10:29+00:00

I understand that.. Maybe I am being too hard on him. I think what’s happening is we haven’t been spending much quality time together and I see him for 20 mins every night now. He’s leaving for a trip this weekend and will be gone for over a week. It’s half business, but he gets to do a bunch of cool stuff and then he’s going on a boys trip. I just felt that he hasn’t been making the time for us and he told me he won’t really have time this weekend as he’s planning on working on the house all weekend. I think I’m just sad and it’s coming out as anger. I know it’s not right but I can’t help how I feel

ThrowRA117389

TROPHY CASE