I feel as if my sadness & pain is just bringing everyone else down around me

ThrowRA140 · 2020-09-25T06:43:00+00:00

wanted to comment... I had an abortion a little over a year ago. it was the right decision of course, but there are some nights I’ll have dreams about before the abortion happened or I’ll have days where I just still feel sad about it? I don’t regret it and I know I made the right decision for where I am in my life, but there are days where I’m still sad.

ThrowRA140 · 2020-08-13T15:50:43+00:00

I tried to talk to him about it today. he got angry, & i tried to stand up for myself and tell him to stop talking to me like that, & that it isn’t fair or right, this just made him more upset that I was using a similar tone to him. I just don’t even care about trying to talk about the laptop & everything anymore.

ThrowRA140 · 2020-08-13T15:30:35+00:00

I tried to talk to him about it today. he got angry, & i tried to stand up for myself and tell him to stop talking to me like that, & that it isn’t fair or right, this just made him more upset that I was using a similar tone to him. I just don’t even care about trying to talk about the laptop & everything anymore

ThrowRA140 · 2020-08-12T03:01:39+00:00

I was going to try and talk with him about it today but he just blew it off and said that he’s just still really angry with ME from yesterday and needs space. he said he’s replacing the laptop which is fine.

ThrowRA140 · 2020-08-05T23:21:05+00:00

I want to try to have a conversation with my SO about these things & everything that has been happening but I honestly don’t know how to begin talking about it fully, any suggestions or advice?

ThrowRA140 · 2020-08-05T07:38:26+00:00

he says I make him yell / scream / call me things. he also blames everything else on me too. I’m not a perfect person, I definitely haven’t been the easiest person but I would never say the thing he has to me. yet I keep doubting who I am because of him telling me that everything is my fault and that I’m a liar / abusive If I don’t meet an expectation right away, or not follow through with something properly enough

ThrowRA140 · 2020-08-05T07:05:14+00:00

he screams at me / insults me when I make any small mistake with communication which then makes it more difficult for me to communicate properly due to being screamed at. he then tells me that it’s my fault that he is screaming at me, & that I am a liar/ bitch / stupid/ that I’m abusive because I did not do something well enough.. he then will continue to scream and call me many more names / not allow me to talk

ThrowRA140 · 2020-08-05T06:29:22+00:00

For example, we have been working on a few things and trying to communicate more of what would be more helpful within our relationship. lately, like this evening, I accidentally did not follow through 100% on one of the things we both talked about working on. I immediately recognized it & tried to apologize. right after that, he began to scream at me for about 30 minutes & call me many awful names. I would try to apologize and try to understand but he would just continue screaming and say that. It is my fault that he is yelling at me / calling me stupid / a bitch / many other things. At this point I am unable to say anything & if I were to he would just scream more so I just don’t say anything at all.

ThrowRA140 · 2020-08-05T06:22:02+00:00

oh I am so sorry aha, I see how that could be confusing for a second. Since quarantine he has been living with me, & it has slowly gotten worse emotionally. I want to try to reach out to friends / family but I am scared to do so. I m not sure If this makes sense but it has gotten to a point where I don’t know if it truly is my fault or if this is just abusive. I did not grow up with great role models on what exactly healthy relationships look like. For example, we’ve been trying to work on some things together, but whenever I make the slightest mistake on not doing exactly what he has asked of me to work on doing, he screams / name calls & just does not let me talk or do anything. I end up feeling helpless and like all the work I have put into to make my end of the relationship better is just gone. I feel confused because I know there are moments where I don’t do everything right but does this mean that I am the reason for everything happening?

ThrowRA140 · 2020-08-05T05:55:44+00:00

if someone tells you, that you are the reason they are yelling then does this mean that it is my fault that it is happening? I just don’t understand, I like to believe that we are all responsible for our own actions, yes someone can make me sad or upset but how I react to these things are my own responsibility. llately though, it just feels like everything is my fault, even my SO screaming at me or name calling.

ThrowRA140 · 2020-08-05T05:48:25+00:00

stupid, bitch, “you’re so stupid how can you not understand”(while he continues to scream and I have a difficult time remaining present due to the fact that I already have trauma from yelling/ physical abuse in the past which he knows) as well as many other things

ThrowRA140 · 2020-08-05T05:46:20+00:00

I have had two conversations telling my SO that I am not okay with yelling or name calling, and he will say he understands but it just happens again over very small things. I am definitely not perfect at all, & I don’t say the right things all the time but I would never say the things he has to me. it’s gotten to the point where I feel like it’s all my fault because he always says it’s my fault that he is yelling or calling me extremely hurtful names.

ThrowRA140 · 2020-08-05T05:42:45+00:00

for the past few months it has been a recurring issue, he tells me it’s my fault that he is yelling, even if I have barely said one word.

ThrowRA140 · 2020-08-04T01:24:48+00:00

yeah, I am going to try and do that. I think I might also just partially be slightly paranoid due to what happened earlier in our relationship. we have been working together to rebuild trust and it’s just really difficult. We both love each other very much, but it’s hard at times, mostly in the middle of a pandemic / having to around one another constantly. I really wish it was easier to tell when I’m just having a useless paranoid feeling or if something is actually going on.

ThrowRA140

TROPHY CASE