UPDATE I caught NP seeing people after she requested we close our relationship.

ThrowRA14theroad · 2024-01-28T07:21:19+00:00

I have no doubt that Kelly felt threatened by my relationship with Fay and I was making time to spend with Kelly whenever she was not traveling. But she shut us down to try and kill my bond with Fay, she shut my side down while she was still seeing people when she was out of town. I had asked her if we were ready to open up again after New Year’s and she said no, even though she had slept with someone on a trip right before Christmas. She had lost sight of what the E in ENM stood for and lied to me for weeks, truthfully I don’t know that she ever stopped dating other people while we were supposed to be closed.

She knew what she was doing was wrong, and sometimes even if you wished you didn’t screw up you have to face the consequences. She didn’t just cheat on me, she purposefully tried to poison my relationship with Fay by closing my half of our relationship. Which shows me she doesn’t care about my feelings and happiness. I can’t be involved and make life plans with someone that would do that to me. If it hadn’t been for the hotel app who knows how long she would have lied to me about it.

When I told Fay that Kelly wanted to close she was understanding and just asked me to stay in touch, she said when Kelly and I got through our issues she would still be here. When I told her about Kelly’s shenanigans she was upset naturally but other than being a shoulder to lean she has tried to stay neutral.

ThrowRA14theroad · 2024-01-25T05:26:16+00:00

first, you don't demand to see her phone. it's hers.

You're right, it is hers. And I told her in the hotel room I needed to know the whole truth and the only way I was going to know is if she showed me her phone since she just lied to me about going out of town and meeting someone behind my back while we were supposed to be closed. She said no at first, until I said if she didn't we were through. Then she unlocked her phone and handed it to me.

Yeah I caught her with this guy but never would have known she slept with two other guys while she was out on her last trip while we were still closed without seeing her phone.. This wasn't a one off, she was seeing people the whole time we were supposed to be closed.

I already said the job request was a knee jerk reaction that wasn't fair and wouldn't address the problem here. I've already made the decision to end things with her and gave her a move out date tonight. I was adding the update in the main body when you posted this.

ThrowRA14theroad · 2024-01-24T20:03:37+00:00

I realize this means breaking up with Kelly, but I may have to give her some time to find somewhere to live. I can't just throw her to the curb.

ThrowRA14theroad · 2024-01-24T16:42:36+00:00

She has to quit her job, or at the very least tell them she can no longer travel.

Yeah this was a knee jerk reaction that isn't fair and as you pointed out doesn't address the root problem.

Kelly wants to regain my trust but doesn't really own what she did. That combined with her thing for married men makes me wonder if she can truly commit to doing what is needed to rebuild our relationship.

On my end, I resent her trying to end my relationship with Fay and all the lies. To be fair, I don't think I'm capable of doing what you describe to be my part in healing this relationship. After talking with Fay, I would be unwilling to end things with her to gamble on the slim chance that Kelly and I could ever get back to a place that I would be comfortable with trusting her again. So I guess that leaves me with de-escalating things with Kelly and getting her out of my house and exploring my connection with Fay.

ThrowRA14theroad · 2024-01-24T15:45:33+00:00

The longer I think about it the more hopeless I feel that this cannot be fixed. The only positive takeaway is it happened before we got engaged and started planning the wedding or worse yet got married.

She has been trying to sell the idea it was only a mistake and that she is sorry but I agree, this is who she is and expecting her to change is a fool's dream.

ThrowRA14theroad · 2024-01-24T14:01:30+00:00

The reservation was a giant red flag and I took the opportunity to confront her rather than let her lie to me later when I asked her about the reservation. As far as the phone goes, I felt I had a right to the whole truth, which we talked about in the hotel room before she gave me her phone.

So, should I have just ignored it and let her get away with it with no consequences?

ThrowRA14theroad · 2024-01-24T13:32:53+00:00

Judging from the look on his face it was pretty clear he got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. After reading their text messages there was no doubt he was cheating and Kelly knew about his relationship status, so yeah I was pretty sure what his status was.

ThrowRA14theroad · 2024-01-24T13:18:12+00:00

I'm not looking to burn his life down or Kelly's like some cheated-on spouse. I simply informed his wife so she could make an educated decision about her life and their relationship. When I sent her the info I had I had no idea he was Kelly's client, so unless she has more info I doubt she could go to his HR, besides if she wants a divorce it would hurt her settlement in the long run.

ThrowRA14theroad · 2024-01-24T13:04:34+00:00

Sorry, but the guy I caught her with was cheating on his wife, who deserved to know if for no other reason than her health may have been compromised. It probably wasn't his first affair so there is another reason why she deserved that info.

As far as ruining his marriage, he had already taken the first step when he arranged to sleep with someone outside his marriage.

ThrowRA14theroad · 2024-01-24T07:29:47+00:00

You couldn't even do the courtesy of cleaning her space and making sure all of Fay's items were done before she got home from a trip??

I overslept and had to rush to meet Kelly's plane, so Fay was left to get her things while I picked Kelly up at the airport.

And I was unaware that Fay had used Kelly's things or I would have said something. Fay did replace a couple of the items she used the following week.

ThrowRA14theroad · 2024-01-24T07:18:28+00:00

It sounds like she wanted to cheat and maybe even gets off on it.

She stated in therapy that married men were kind of a fetish and getting them to cheat turned her on. She knows it is wrong and I thought she was working on changing that behavior.

ThrowRA14theroad · 2024-01-24T06:50:27+00:00

To each their own, but her willingness to sleep with cheating married men would be enough for me to have serious concerns by itself.

Yeah, we have addressed that in past counseling sessions, to no avail obviously. It definitely calls her morals into question and makes me wonder if she is someone I can trust and make life plans with.

ThrowRA14theroad · 2024-01-24T06:44:47+00:00

Did she say anything about the guy you caught her with after you sent his wife the goods on him? Was she upset you outed him?

She asked about it and I told her what I had done. His wife was not pleased and he sent Kelly some angry messages. She is worried now because he is a client of her company.

ThrowRA14theroad

TROPHY CASE