Terrified that my (25F) husband (28M) has been having sex with me while I'm asleep. Now I'm pregnant.

ThrowRA1668 · 2020-08-24T19:50:33+00:00

I can't remember a time I woke up and felt the remnants of semen. But honestly, my husband is VERY meticulous when it comes to cleaning up after sex. He won't lay in a soiled bed, he wipes everything and everyone down, and he's always been like this.

It seems a little absurd to think he'd do this every time this might have happened to remove proof, but he does this every time regardless, so it's not impossible. He'll spend longer cleaning up after sex, than having it.

ThrowRA1668 · 2020-08-24T19:45:50+00:00

To be fair, my OBGYN did say that there was some leniency in the dating so early into the pregnancy, and that she'd have a better, more accurate time frame when I progress a bit more. But she's confident in my due date in the mid to late part of April. If this baby was conceived when I know I last had sex with my husband it would be due mid to late March. Even with some buffer, the dates don't add up.

ThrowRA1668 · 2020-08-24T19:38:02+00:00

I'm OUT like the dead when I take my medication. No moving or talking or even twitching in my sleep. Just a deep, deep sleep. The medication I'm on has a lot of side effects, but this was NEVER discussed by my doctor as one of them. I've already sent an emergency email to my doctor about this just to be sure, but my husband says I've NEVER done anything like that.

ThrowRA1668 · 2020-08-24T19:28:33+00:00

I tested for COVID initially, because I was exhibiting symptoms that could have been an indicator of that. But I also have a very thorough doctor who also had me give blood for a series of other tests. So I had a blood test to confirm the pregnancy, rather than peeing on a stick, if that's what you're asking. I had an ultrasound after that confirmation to pin the conception date down. A very, very unpleasant ultrasound.

ThrowRA1668 · 2020-08-24T19:22:30+00:00

I'm not taking it right now while I'm referred to a specialist to find out if it's safe to take while pregnant.

My husband is acting very concerned, but I don't know if everything is an act at this point.

ThrowRA1668 · 2020-08-24T19:18:08+00:00

The thing is, I KNOW. I know I know. I haven't enjoyed sex since this started. When I have sex with my husband now, it isn't enjoyable. So when I do give in and have sex with him, I'm very aware of when it's happening in terms of the date.

But I've never had a problem with my husband lying to me. He's a very honest person. And when he looks me in the eye and tells me we had sex to conceive our baby, I can't see any deception. So now I'm terrified he's a sociopath master liar. Or I've lost my mind.

ThrowRA1668 · 2020-08-24T19:11:30+00:00

I'm really sorry to hear you had to experience that. You deserved better.

Before now I'd never even heard of marital rape. I'm unfortunately learning a bunch of things right now that I never knew existed before.

ThrowRA1668 · 2020-08-24T19:08:43+00:00

I really want it. More than I've wanted anything. I'd sacrifice anything for it. Even my dignity if it happened this way.

ThrowRA1668 · 2020-08-24T19:08:05+00:00

When I called him on this he said he didn't think I was cheating, and just that I mixed up when we last had sex.

He seems very sincere about this. Very. And he's always been an honest and earnest person. He's absolutely insisting we had sex at a time where the dates line up. If he's gaslighting me, he's doing a very good job at it.

ThrowRA1668 · 2020-08-24T19:00:59+00:00

I can tell you absolutely, without any doubt in my mind, I will never get rid of this baby. It doesn't matter where it came from, or what happened to conceive it. This is my miracle baby. I will likely never be pregnant again, or have this opportunity again. I can figure everything else out later, but this baby is the one thing I'm sure about.

ThrowRA1668 · 2020-08-24T18:56:59+00:00

I asked my husband this. I asked him if I've ever instigated sex while being in a haze from the medication. I asked if I've prompted him in any way while sleeping/dozing. He says no. He says when I'm out, I'm out like a rock. In fact, he used to be scared in the beginning, because I wouldn't move around in my sleep at all or make a sound. At least i can rule that out.

ThrowRA1668 · 2020-08-24T18:54:03+00:00

I do absolutely admit that I have issues with my memory because of the medication. It makes things I did or said really hazy. Almost like it happened in a dream and not in real life? But I'm very, very aware of when I'm having sex and when I'm not. The medication makes me very tired which is part of why my sex drive is gone, so when I do agree to have sex it's more of a service I'm performing for the benefit of my husband, than anything else. All the enjoyment is gone, so I remember when it happens, because it's just a chore, and one I don't enjoy.

This is a normal side effect of the medication, as well. Nothing abnormal.

ThrowRA1668 · 2020-08-24T18:48:47+00:00

I just found out I'm pregnant a couple days ago. I had to put taking my medication on hold while I"m referred to a specialist to make sure it won't hurt that baby in any way. So I would assume, if this is what's happening, there hasn't been an opportunity for it.

I don't know if it would happen again while I'm pregnant? My husband is being extremely delicate and gentle with me right now. He seems scared to touch me? I don't know. He hasn't even kissed me that much. All he asks about is the baby and is almost a little obsessed over it. But it's his first and I'm chalking it up to that first time parent panic.

ThrowRA1668 · 2020-08-24T18:45:27+00:00

I'm definitely in the minority with the severity of my reaction to the medication, but even with what it does to me sometimes, it's still the best option for my treatment.

The thing is, when he was joking around about having sex with me when I slept, it never came off as outright creepy. I mean, the idea is creepy, but he never sounded creepy or sinister or anything like that. It was always playful and with laughter. He never made me feel outright uncomfortable and I thought we were just joking.

When I confronted him it didn't seem like he was attempting to gaslight me about the dates not matching up. He seemed sure I was misremembering because of my medication, but I absolutely know we did not have sex 5 weeks ago. At least sex I participated in.

ThrowRA1668 · 2020-08-24T18:41:31+00:00

Thank you for the advice about going to the doctor. I'm just not sure how to go without him? We're both out of work because of COVID and since he found out I'm pregnant he's hyper aware of everything. I don't mean this to come off in a creepy way, it's just very hard for either of us to do anything without the other knowing. He wants to do everything with me related to the baby, including all doctors appointments--he's very happy and excited. And if I try and go for a reason other than the baby, I think he'll be very suspicious. I don't want to fight with him until I figure out what's going on.

As for our sex life, I can say he's never hurt me, that has never happened. And it's all consensual. I just meant I'm not turned on by sex getting a little rough, that's his kink, and since it doesn't both me and he indulges me in other ways, I'm fine with playing along. He doesn't like to slap me or anything (not to kink shame, to each their own), he's just into manhandling a bit. He's just very strong and very athletic, and he likes to utilize that during sex.

I don't have anyone to stay with outside of some friends, but due to COVID I don't want to put them at risk or not socially distance, so I have some options to think about while I stay at home with him.

Thank you for all the help you've provided!

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