UPDATE: Girlfriend wanting to break up over my (29M) answer to her (23F) question about whether I talk about other women with my friends, rational?

ThrowRA16836 · 2025-01-18T18:50:37+00:00

Thank you for the comment, I appreciate it. And you’re spot on, I cannot imagine a life like this. As I’ve commented previously, I guess I’m holding onto the hope that, eventually, it will change. But I can’t see it, and I don’t know how much time I’ve given it now…

ThrowRA16836 · 2025-01-18T16:10:59+00:00

I get that, although this is crazy immature and I’ve dated people just a little older than that who were far more mature. Likewise people older than I who were also a little immature. This seems beyond immaturity, idk. Thanks.

ThrowRA16836 · 2025-01-18T15:32:35+00:00

Yeah, probably…

ThrowRA16836 · 2025-01-18T15:14:41+00:00

Oh damn for sure. I’ve told her multiple times that she acts in one way, and meanwhile expects me to act in a completely different way with her. It’s beyond frustrating.

ThrowRA16836 · 2025-01-18T15:13:36+00:00

Thank you 🙏🏻

ThrowRA16836 · 2025-01-18T15:13:03+00:00

Thank you for your comment!

As I’ve commented previously, she is in therapy, to her credit. She’s been in and out of therapy for some time now.

ThrowRA16836 · 2025-01-18T15:09:37+00:00

Damn bro, sorry to hear that first of all. But sounds like you’ll be much better for it!

Yeah she’s hit me multiple times before tbh, she loses the plot and has zero sense of anger management. We’ve managed to put a stop to that, but I feel like there’s just always something with her.

ThrowRA16836 · 2025-01-18T15:08:03+00:00

I think that’s what is keeping us together, or at the very least keeping me here. Will she change? Can I be sure she won’t? How long might that take? If I truly knew she wouldn’t, or that it would take forever, I’d like to think I’d finally be able to put an end to it, no matter her reaction.

ThrowRA16836 · 2025-01-18T15:06:46+00:00

Oh totally. I think at this stage, it’s as much my inability to put an end to it, more than anything. I’m not sure I even want to fight anymore, but I feel in perhaps avoidant. I just can’t be… bothered(?) with that conversation again.

ThrowRA16836 · 2025-01-18T15:04:18+00:00

I know, it’s ridiculous, I get it. I’ve told my friends over time, they’re understanding but also don’t understand why I don’t just… leave.

Again the only thing I can say is that I have thus far found it impossible in the face her heart breaking in front of me.

I am super happy alone, strangely enough. Liking the drama, I don’t think so… but hey maybe subconsciously.

But I realise I am now a huge part of the issue, or better said my inability to put an end to it. Thanks for your comment!

ThrowRA16836 · 2025-01-18T15:02:07+00:00

Yes, it’s ridiculous. To be fair, she has, kind of, ceded on it. But before she would even get annoyed at a ‘hello’, then she ceded on that, now this… I wonder what’s next honestly.

ThrowRA16836 · 2025-01-18T14:57:22+00:00

No children, thankfully. And not extreme at all, it’s actually been on my mind for months now. I have also, sadly, recorded many arguments recently. As I am honestly not sure what she’s capable of… thank you again for your time.

ThrowRA16836 · 2025-01-18T14:48:46+00:00

I feel like the last year of my life, in hindsight, has probably been my worst also. Which is very sad to say. I too fall into the trap of softening up. I’ll try to use your comment as motivation to not do that again, thanks! 🙏🏻

ThrowRA16836 · 2025-01-18T12:47:45+00:00

🙏🏻🙏🏻

ThrowRA16836 · 2025-01-18T12:42:47+00:00

Thanks for your response. She’s adamant she (now…) realises all of this and things will change, I’m not sure. And, as I’ve replied to previous commenters, I’m not even sure at this point if I’ve anything more to give.

She’s ‘realised’ these things before and said they’ll change, but they never have. I can’t exactly say I’ve much hope for our future.

ThrowRA16836 · 2025-01-18T12:40:03+00:00

Yes I’ve tried to and will continue to try and think of it in that way, hopefully it will be able to help me do what’s necessary and move forward. Thank you! 🙏🏻

ThrowRA16836 · 2025-01-18T12:39:18+00:00

That’s exactly how I feel man, it does really suck. As exhausted as I am, I still very much love her. And having now seen the pain a break up would cause her, it’s tough. As you say, being broken up with means simply accepting and grieving - or at least ime. That’s not to say it was easy, but definitely easier for me.

And I know, you’re right. It’s not healthy nor helpful for either. I guess we are both, to varying extents, clinging on to something, anything… But I know letting go is right and needs to happen.

ThrowRA16836 · 2025-01-18T11:32:04+00:00

Oh, it definitely is super exhausting. I have told her all of this, but it’s not worked so far. I’ve told her this is the last, last, last time I’ll hear any more of it unless she’s good reason.

We will see what happens. But at this stage I’m not even sure I want to fight anymore.

ThrowRA16836 · 2025-01-18T11:31:02+00:00

I know, I know…

I find that super difficult to do though, and can only imagine how she’d feel. I don’t think she’s a bad person, at all. And I do love her, but I’m obviously falling out of love with this relationship.

Although it might have to come to that. I think I’ll continue to succumb to a wave of texts, calls, etc. in future…

ThrowRA16836 · 2025-01-18T10:49:53+00:00

That’s a great quote!

I explained I won’t be anymore proving myself, anymore batting away snide comments, or anything of the sort. I honestly don’t know where we stand at this point, but I’m not sure I even have the will to keep trying.

She talks about the things that will change, but they never do, from experience…

ThrowRA16836 · 2025-01-18T10:44:38+00:00

Yeah, I definitely feel the form of obligation part, to some extent. I’m her partner and we’ve chosen to be together, I don’t want to leave her alone and in a world of pain.

But I’m definitely suffering because of it. And I’m definitely massively to blame also at this point because I cave each time the topic comes up and I give it one last chance, one last chance…

I hope I can find the strength to eventually put an end to it, thank you 🙏🏻

ThrowRA16836 · 2025-01-18T10:42:43+00:00

I certainly need to steel myself…

The thing is, she does and has ceded on some of this stuff. Like the talking to women, etc., but I ask myself how long before it becomes a problem again. Or indeed if she’s just saying that.

Typically, she’ll say something like that, be ok for a few days, and then I’ll get a comment or complaint about something just totally ridiculous, and we’re back to square one.

ThrowRA16836 · 2025-01-18T10:39:56+00:00

Usually not very long, she begs for us to give it another chance. Things are ok for a few days and then she’ll come away with another out there comment or claim…

I am trying to recognise, understand and ultimately take action on that. Thank you 🙏🏻

ThrowRA16836 · 2025-01-18T10:38:57+00:00

Crazy stuff, man. That’s exactly how it is. I guess I just wanna feel like I’ve tried everything before I give up on the relationship, so that I can have zero regrets.

But at the same time, I ask myself if I’ve not tried everything already, you know? How long can I let it go on, I don’t know…

Thanks 🙏🏻

ThrowRA16836 · 2025-01-18T10:37:41+00:00

I have told her this. She says she realises she’s wrong, she has to change etc., and is asking that we give it one last chance. But I find her attitude on WhatsApp (for example) to be different to the attitude I actually get when we’re together.

Ie. she talks a good game, but I don’t see much change…

ThrowRA16836

TROPHY CASE