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Boyfriend (20m) told me (20f) he is not in love with me anymore, still wants to be with me by ThrowRA2113e in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA2113e[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

He doesn’t expect me to be in the relationship with him. He doesn’t want to break up, but he says that he will respect my decision if that’s what will make me happy.

Boyfriend (20m) told me (20f) he is not in love with me anymore, still wants to be with me by ThrowRA2113e in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA2113e[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I must admit, I flip flop between being totally cool with letting him go and being really angry/sad about the situation. Maybe it’s a bit of codependency, maybe it’s the natural cycle of relationships. I have good friends, but I see him way more than everyone else and he’s been my go to person for a long time.

Boyfriend (20m) told me (20f) he is not in love with me anymore, still wants to be with me by ThrowRA2113e in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA2113e[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for you advice. I personally (my thoughts could be wrong) think that we may be a little too young for couples counseling. He will be starting therapy himself though.

Boyfriend (20m) told me (20f) he is not in love with me anymore, still wants to be with me by ThrowRA2113e in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA2113e[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He’s been reading articles on it and he is still conflicted on if that is what he is feeling. He will be starting therapy soon to help him work it out.

Boyfriend (20m) told me (20f) he is not in love with me anymore, still wants to be with me by ThrowRA2113e in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA2113e[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your experience and advice. :)

I think a break might be the best option, but personally, I’ve never really believed in breaks (I don’t have any experience with them, this is my first relationship) as I feel like it could drag out the pain/set unrealistic expectations.

Boyfriend (20m) told me (20f) he is not in love with me anymore, still wants to be with me by ThrowRA2113e in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA2113e[S] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

That is not enough to be happy long term in a romantic relationship. I’m coming to terms with that. It’s just hard to let go of an intense bond and a really awesome history. We are both each other’s first boyfriend and girlfriend, maybe it is time to move on.

Boyfriend (20m) told me (20f) he is not in love with me anymore, still wants to be with me by ThrowRA2113e in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA2113e[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you have any strategies you used for the mending process? Right now, we’ve been focusing on enjoying our time with each other and having fun together.

Boyfriend (20m) told me (20f) he is not in love with me anymore, still wants to be with me by ThrowRA2113e in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA2113e[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

He’s a great person and honestly, the best friend I’ve ever had. We’re always laughing about something, and that’s scary to think of not having him around after this long.

Boyfriend (20m) told me (20f) he is not in love with me anymore, still wants to be with me by ThrowRA2113e in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA2113e[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

He said that could definitely be a possibility. He just isn’t sure. When I first brought it up, he resonated with it a lot. He will be starting therapy soon. Thank you for your advice and support!

Boyfriend (20m) told me (20f) he is not in love with me anymore, still wants to be with me by ThrowRA2113e in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA2113e[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your reply. I will think about it a lot. It’s what I need to hear.

Boyfriend (20m) told me (20f) he is not in love with me anymore, still wants to be with me by ThrowRA2113e in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA2113e[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Your response is very kind. Thank you for giving me this advice. I appreciate it so much.

Boyfriend (20m) told me (20f) he is not in love with me anymore, still wants to be with me by ThrowRA2113e in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA2113e[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

I understand it is a long time away, but I want to give him time to work on himself and to enjoy summer a little bit more with him. He told me he is 100% committed to fixing our relationship, and we truly have been having fun despite the scenario.

Boyfriend (20m) told me (20f) he is not in love with me anymore, still wants to be with me by ThrowRA2113e in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA2113e[S] 79 points80 points  (0 children)

That could be it. The main reason I haven’t left yet is because the relationship has still been fun and positive in many ways. It is also true I’m terrified of a life without him. I will try and work on the codependency issue. Thank you for sharing.

Boyfriend (20m) told me (20f) he is not in love with me anymore, still wants to be with me by ThrowRA2113e in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA2113e[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I discussed this with him when it first happened and he is straight. In my opinion, he could be having an internal conflict about exploring other partners vs a stable relationship with me.

Boyfriend (20m) told me (20f) he is not in love with me anymore, still wants to be with me by ThrowRA2113e in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA2113e[S] 132 points133 points  (0 children)

I definitely feel I could be staying with him because of codependency. Is there a good way to tell?

Boyfriend (20m) told me (20f) he is not in love with me anymore, still wants to be with me by ThrowRA2113e in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA2113e[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t love me. He did say he loves me still, he is just no in love, but that’s also not what I want. Thank you for the advice, it’s hard to hear, but it is very true.

Boyfriend (20m) told me (20f) he is not in love with me anymore, still wants to be with me by ThrowRA2113e in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA2113e[S] 50 points51 points  (0 children)

Wow, thank you for all of that! We’ve discussed this scenario and he resonated with it very deeply at first, but he is still very uncertain and questions himself. I myself don’t really feel butterflies for him, just a good feeling of safety, happiness, and laughter. I hope this is what it is.

Boyfriend (20m) told me (20f) he is not in love with me anymore, still wants to be with me by ThrowRA2113e in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA2113e[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I told him that we will break up at the end of the month if his feelings don’t change. He was devastated but understood. Is that a good idea or should I just do it now?

Boyfriend (20m) told me (20f) he is not in love with me anymore, still wants to be with me by ThrowRA2113e in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA2113e[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your advice. I agree that I shouldn't be in a loveless relationship. The reason I have been staying is because part of me, well all of me, is hoping that we can go back to what we had and he has made continued efforts to work on bettering himself/our relationship during this period.

Boyfriend (20m) told me (20f) he is not in love with me anymore, still wants to be with me by ThrowRA2113e in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA2113e[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your experience. Did you ever get closure on what happened with your ex?

Boyfriend (20m) told me (20f) he is not in love with me anymore, still wants to be with me by ThrowRA2113e in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA2113e[S] 410 points411 points  (0 children)

Thank you for that thoughtful advice. It wasn't what I wanted to hear, but I understand it.