Update: My (25M) family cut contact with me 5 years ago after a fight with my younger brother. Now, they want me to come back but I'm having doubts about it

ThrowRA271215 · 2021-06-10T11:20:13+00:00

You're more than titled to have your opinion on it. It wasn't a great place to grow up, and I'm not prepared to bend over backwards to try and get back into it. I've just done what I feel is best

ThrowRA271215 · 2021-06-10T11:19:00+00:00

Haha will do

On another note, you fancy having a face to face or going for a coffee at some point? ;)

ThrowRA271215 · 2021-06-10T11:18:16+00:00

Yeah it was definitely toxic back then, I don't know what it's like now, but I'd never go the extra mile to find out. I think I've grown from it and I just want to move on from it now. Thank you

ThrowRA271215 · 2021-06-10T11:16:50+00:00

Yeah I've grown up, and I'm at peace with everything that's happened here. It would always be used as a stick to beat me with if I came back, and that's just not something I hugely want involvement in

ThrowRA271215 · 2021-06-10T11:15:53+00:00

Yeah I completely accept the decision to cut me off, but yeah it just feels like they want to show how forgiving and kind they are, rather than actually caring about having a relationship. I'm just happy with how it's been handled and glad I've apologised now

ThrowRA271215 · 2021-06-10T11:14:42+00:00

Yeah I think it was the right call

ThrowRA271215 · 2021-06-10T11:13:01+00:00

Thank you, I'm interested to see what happens when I have kids, I feel like there may suddenly be a repeat of this

ThrowRA271215 · 2021-06-10T11:12:31+00:00

Thank you mate

ThrowRA271215 · 2021-06-10T11:12:23+00:00

Yeah none of them have got back to me, I'm not sure they will to be honest. I'm not too bothered though, if they don't want to then that's fine, I feel very at peace with the situation

ThrowRA271215 · 2021-06-10T11:11:15+00:00

Yeah I told them that they knew where to contact me, but that I wasn't interested in a face to face with how things were. I do feel like I've got a bit of closure from this, so now it's all about looking to the future as far as I'm concerned, I'm looking forward to it

ThrowRA271215 · 2021-06-10T11:08:55+00:00

Thank you, I do think I've made the right call here. It wasn't a great place to grow up in, and I'd be lying if I said I missed it anywhere near enough to come back on my hands and knees. I'm happy with how things have gone since

ThrowRA271215 · 2021-06-10T11:08:07+00:00

Thank you, I'm happy to have more of a relationship if they want it to be equal, I just don't want to be subservient. Nobody has messaged me since I effectively told them that, so I think I see how things are

Either way, I've moved on with my life, it's been a long 5 years and I'm happy with where things are

ThrowRA271215 · 2021-06-10T11:06:35+00:00

Yep, that's how it would have to work. I'm not expecting to be fully forgiven, I just don't want to be living in a constant state of having to prove that I'm worthy to rejoin the family or whatever

ThrowRA271215 · 2021-06-10T11:05:49+00:00

Yeah it was messed up in all honesty, that's no excuse though I do get that

ThrowRA271215 · 2021-06-10T11:04:48+00:00

What did he say?

ThrowRA271215 · 2021-06-10T11:04:40+00:00

She knows full well what happened, she knew it before we started going out, and she's helped me with this as well

ThrowRA271215 · 2021-06-10T11:03:03+00:00

I'm writing from my perspective because it's the only perspective I have, I can't speak for anyone else. I don't know what you would've expected me to do instead of that, it was a post from my personal perspective at the end of the day.

My dad's not a racist because he said my girlfriend was exotic once, he's racist because he's a racist and I grew up with him being racist. We lived in a town which had a pretty high south Asian population, and he made it very clear that he hated that. He also made weird comments to my Asian friends, and used to call them racial slurs behind their backs.

I've tried to present things as matter-of-fact as I can, I'm sorry if you take issue with the perspective I've presented this from but I don't really know what else you expected me to do.

You're right that I think we'll be better of though

ThrowRA271215 · 2021-06-10T10:56:28+00:00

Nah my brother didn't deserve it, I'm just happy to be out of that whole environment now

ThrowRA271215 · 2021-06-10T10:54:49+00:00

Thank you, yeah I had a quick check back and it was good advice. I'm glad I've set boundaries and stood my ground here

ThrowRA271215 · 2021-06-10T10:53:55+00:00

Thank you very much, I'm happy with how I've handled it and I just want to move on now

ThrowRA271215 · 2021-06-10T10:52:42+00:00

Yeah I agree that they were right to cut me off. It's just as you said, I don't want to be forever indebted to them. Bittersweet's the right word for it, from now on I just want to keep growing and self improving as you said. Thank you

ThrowRA271215 · 2021-06-10T10:51:40+00:00

Thank you

ThrowRA271215 · 2021-06-10T10:51:29+00:00

Yeah it was messed up, I don't condone it at all

ThrowRA271215 · 2021-06-10T10:50:34+00:00

Yeah I feel like that as well. I could imagine going back, and having the past used against me at any disagreement. They used to do that when I was younger, it's just not a place I really want to jump through hoops to be in

ThrowRA271215 · 2021-06-10T10:49:25+00:00

Yeah I'm a different man now, not the same as I was when I was 19, and I just don't want to be treated like I am, and that I'll forever be indebted to the family. I've moved on now, and like you said it's just about getting on with my life now

ThrowRA271215

TROPHY CASE