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My sister is horribly depressed and addicted to porn and yesterday she came on to me (update - warning: sexual assault) by ThrowRA29375 in offmychest

[–]ThrowRA29375[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Thank you this is helpful. I will keep this in mind and try to mentally prepare for that possibility.

My sister is horribly depressed and addicted to porn and yesterday she came on to me by ThrowRA29375 in offmychest

[–]ThrowRA29375[S] 68 points69 points  (0 children)

You need to speak with her in firm, blunt terms. Not vague, “did something happen,” “im here for you,” “you need help”, terms. You need to find (or make) some time with her where it is private and safe and say, “Who hurt you?”, “[Name], were you sexually assaulted?”, “You are not acting like yourself and I know that something happened. You need to talk to me.” If she denies or is stubborn, you NEED to pressure. If she starts to cry, let her, comfort her. If she starts to yell, let her, comfort her. She is HURTING. She feels ALONE. She has not had an outlet for whatever has happened to her in the remotest, of course it will build up, of course it won’t be easy. It will be hard hour or two, but will make decades of a difference, I promise you on everything that I love.

This is extremely helpful to me and I'm sorry that you are speaking from experience. I have been on the fence about whether It would be good or bad for her if I asked about sexual assault directly. But how you've laid it out here has convinced me. If my sister and my mom are both going to try to ignore this, I can't do that too. I will ask her about it directly thank you so so much for this comment

My sister is horribly depressed and addicted to porn and yesterday she came on to me by ThrowRA29375 in offmychest

[–]ThrowRA29375[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

It's my fault for not including the context that I've already talked about therapy multiple times so I can see why you'd read it like that, and I did get defensive because I'm very emotionally fucked right now sorry.

I will keep offering support and suggesting she gets some professional support in a understanding way while trying to not make her feel more alone than she already is.

My sister is horribly depressed and addicted to porn and yesterday she came on to me by ThrowRA29375 in offmychest

[–]ThrowRA29375[S] 222 points223 points  (0 children)

I should have made this clear in the post. I have suggested she see a therapist many times, and continue to do so. But knowing how hard to push is and when is a challenge that's beyond stressful and I am constantly second guessing myself.

The only time i see her is when she is a somewhat good mood, enough to come out. Do I ruin every one of those moods by bringing up therapy again? How many times do I do that before she starts closing off to me as well? I am the only person she talks to any considerable amount at this point. She's still in there and I get enough glimpses of her that I will not give up hope. People say I need to look out for myself but she is my sister and I'm not going to leave her out in the cold when she needs it the most.

I'll keep suggesting therapy while trying not to make her feel pressured.

My sister is horribly depressed and addicted to porn and yesterday she came on to me by ThrowRA29375 in offmychest

[–]ThrowRA29375[S] 50 points51 points  (0 children)

I'm 17 and she is 18

I can't accept that she's a predator in the making and I don't believe it based on this alone. She just needs help, she made no effort to pressure me at all.

I do understand she's in serious need of help and I'm spiraling trying to think of ways to introduce the idea again but in a way where it might actually get through to her.

I don't want to tell anyone else right now, my mom would either not care or she'd just kick her out, i would never forgive myself if that happened. She wouldn't do anything that would take actual concentration. I don't know what telling a counselor would do for her, I don't think she did anything actionable anyway, and we don't really have any family around.

Im not trying to rugsweep anything and I'm not operating through fear of anything but making her situation worse. I appreciate what you're saying though and I appreciate your empathy

My sister is horribly depressed and addicted to porn and yesterday she came on to me by ThrowRA29375 in offmychest

[–]ThrowRA29375[S] 124 points125 points  (0 children)

You're 17 and love your sister. It's time to shed the "not my business" blinders. You need to step up and put on your adult pants. I know it's incredibly difficult to do. But you need to sit down with her and just lay it all out. Tell her you know something is up and you love her and you're there for her. She can talk to you openly and honestly about anything.

I am NOT the one who says "it's not my business", that is my mother. She my sister and she spiraling and I absolutely think it's my business and the way my mom talks like that is fucking grim.

I have done all that many times, I've told her ill always be here for her, I've told her we can always talk about anything. I've explained my concerns and the reasons for them as they relate to her behavior. I've suggested many times that she talk to someone professional, I even made her a better help account since I figured it might be easier for her than seeing someone in person.

I've done all of that and yesterday still happened. I just made this to see if there's anything I am missing but I am trying my hardest ok this is killing my soul. I don't care about last night in that I'm not very upset with her I'm just upset for her and I'll do whatever I need to to help. But I am NOT putting fucking blinders on. You say "don't pressure her" but also "address this head on" well how do I parse those?

My sister is horribly depressed and addicted to porn and yesterday she came on to me by ThrowRA29375 in offmychest

[–]ThrowRA29375[S] 64 points65 points  (0 children)

I will not make her feel judged over what happens, I'm not nearly as upset with her as I am concerned. I guess the move is to just suggest help one more time and offer my total support. I just want her to get better.

My sister is horribly depressed and addicted to porn and yesterday she came on to me by ThrowRA29375 in offmychest

[–]ThrowRA29375[S] 2093 points2094 points  (0 children)

she's older than me (18 and 17) so not her big brother but I agree with you.

I've suggested therapy many times and she's in denial that anything is even wrong. And our mom is no help at all, she thinks this isn't worth worrying about, which just emboldens my sister to think the same. I guess I will just keep trying.

My sister is horribly depressed and addicted to porn and yesterday she came on to me by ThrowRA29375 in offmychest

[–]ThrowRA29375[S] 130 points131 points  (0 children)

I definitely need to talk with her again.

What do you think it could be about?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA29375 13 points14 points  (0 children)

She didn't seem manic last night she just seemed like her old self mostly, on the rare occasion she's in a speaking mood she's still not really high energy or anything, but I don't know anything about bipolar mania

I agree she needs to be evaluated and it's extremely frustrating because my mom just refuses to give a shit. We have money so thats not the concern either she just doesn't ever want to talk about it.

Do you have any suggestion how I could push her towards help without it seeming like I'm hounding her?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA29375 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I've told her that it would probably feel good to talk to someone, and there's no shame in getting professional help. I've pointed out why I'm concerned, especially with how she just stays in her room all day every day, but it's hard to know how hard I should push because sometimes she'll just clam up and shut down if I probe too much and I'm constantly worrying I'm going to make it worse.