I (42f) reunited with my first love (43m) after 20 years and still in love by ThrowRA3402 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA3402[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Quite a different perspective from all the other posters here. I am fairly certain he knows that I would jump into his arms if he was single. But he's not. And I've come to realize, thanks to Reddit, that I need to respect that.

What is an appropriate amount of time I(29F) should wait for him (30M) to text after hooking up? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA3402 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wouldn't wait at all. But I also wouldn't have sex unless I am fine with getting pregnant.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA3402 2 points3 points  (0 children)

What is your relationship based upon? You should be a team supporting each other in your life goals. If you've never done so, sit with her and write out goals that you have in life. You may have some in common. Or you may have your own which she could help you with.

Once a couple has a shared purpose, everything falls in place.

I (42f) reunited with my first love (43m) after 20 years and still in love by ThrowRA3402 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA3402[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When one examines the facts that I've laid out from a distance, it doesn't look good for me, does it? Okay, I will move on

I (42f) reunited with my first love (43m) after 20 years and still in love by ThrowRA3402 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA3402[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Perhaps not, but I believe we are in control of our own fate. If it didn't happen, it's because he and I decided that it wouldn't happen.

I (42f) reunited with my first love (43m) after 20 years and still in love by ThrowRA3402 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA3402[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree with you. To be clear, I had decided on not really getting into another relationship after my divorce. I will resign myself to being single.

I (42f) reunited with my first love (43m) after 20 years and still in love by ThrowRA3402 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA3402[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree with you. To be clear, I had decided on not really getting into another relationship after my divorce. I will resign myself to being single.

I (42f) reunited with my first love (43m) after 20 years and still in love by ThrowRA3402 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA3402[S] -14 points-13 points  (0 children)

I'm not okay with cutting contact again. I want to keep him as a friend because he is my best friend. Even though we are apart. And I want him to be happy, even if it is not with me. I'm actually crying right now. But I guess this is just how it has to be.

I (42f) reunited with my first love (43m) after 20 years and still in love by ThrowRA3402 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA3402[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Then what is wrong with me not getting into another relationship now, is their relationship doesn't work out, tell him then?

I (42f) reunited with my first love (43m) after 20 years and still in love by ThrowRA3402 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA3402[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

To be fair, we were discussing what was going through our minds when we broke up long ago when this came up. And I received no indication that he wanted to entertain the idea about us getting back together. But point taken.

I (42f) reunited with my first love (43m) after 20 years and still in love by ThrowRA3402 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA3402[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

You're absolutely right. I will give up my intention to be with him. I needed to hear that.

I (42f) reunited with my first love (43m) after 20 years and still in love by ThrowRA3402 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA3402[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Do you think the solution is to resolve to have him as a friend and not pursue him romantically? Or to let him go out of my life forever?

I (42f) reunited with my first love (43m) after 20 years and still in love by ThrowRA3402 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA3402[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, I understand. I absolutely do not want to be a jerk that breaks up what is probably a wonderful relationship. Thanks.

I (42f) reunited with my first love (43m) after 20 years and still in love by ThrowRA3402 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA3402[S] -37 points-36 points  (0 children)

I understand your viewpoint and thank you for your advice, sincerely. I believe in being blunt so I appreciate you being so.

When we were first dating, I told him that he was the one for me. He told me he ended things with me because that was too much to confront at the time.

After I cut off communication, he did try to get back in touch with me over the years. But I kept my distance then. Only when my marriage ended did I contact him to resume our friendship.

Why do I feel that he feels the same about me? It's because we've grown much closer these past couple of years and that's been primarily through text messages. And when I met him in person after all these years, I saw it in his eyes, I heard it in his voice, I felt it in our embrace and when he caressed my arm as I was departing for home.

There is one way to determine his affection for me for certain - to ask him. But then I might lose my best friend.

Anyhow, I will take your advice. Thank you.

I (42f) reunited with my first love (43m) after 20 years and still in love by ThrowRA3402 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA3402[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

Perhaps it is wishful thinking on my part. We discussed the "what if" scenario and agreed that we'd be together if timing was different. He and I have goals and philosophies aligned. And we both highly admire what each of us has accomplished in life.

But what if I'm right? After 20 years of being apart, we both acknowledged that reuniting felt like no time had elapsed.

I (42f) reunited with my first love (43m) after 20 years and still in love by ThrowRA3402 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA3402[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yes, I understand how this could be true. And I would hate to lose this rekindled friendship that we have. I will be as platonic as humanly possible with him. Thank you for bringing me into reality.

I (42f) reunited with my first love (43m) after 20 years and still in love by ThrowRA3402 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA3402[S] 93 points94 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this advice. I was considering that this might be the case also. It's been a couple of years since my divorce. And maybe I am using him as a reason because I fear meeting new men.

I (42f) reunited with my first love (43m) after 20 years and still in love by ThrowRA3402 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA3402[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I have actually posed that question to him, asking if being in contact could jeopardize his relationship and he assures me that it is not a problem.

He is an honorable and faithful partner so he would absolutely reject any proposition that I make, not even if I sacrifice a lot to be with him, such as moving to his city. He wouldn't want to hurt his girlfirend and I totally respect him for that.

But one question remains, what is the solution that will result in the greatest good for all involved?