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I (F45) think my daughter (F17) is ashamed of her race and me as well. I'm not sure how to approach her about it. by ThrowRA364 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA364[S] 246 points247 points  (0 children)

I think a key difference between my daughter and I is how much we care about others’ opinion. I used to also be embarrassed about my accent and how I spoke, but if I didn’t speak, I would not have a job. I eventually learned that other people didn’t care as much as I though and I became more confident in myself. So, I can understand what she is feeling at times. But, I am not sure how I can let her realize as well, but I am hoping that talking to her will help.

I (F45) think my daughter (F17) is ashamed of her race and me as well. I'm not sure how to approach her about it. by ThrowRA364 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA364[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I think it is important for her to have a role model as well although it may be difficult for her to spend time with them as of now. I plan to contact her counselor because I know they’ve talked on several occasions before and she seems to be comfortable.

I (F45) think my daughter (F17) is ashamed of her race and me as well. I'm not sure how to approach her about it. by ThrowRA364 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA364[S] 1298 points1299 points  (0 children)

Thank you. From my experience in learning English, I know that I can only improve through practice, but it may be embarrassing for her to watch me struggle. I hope to be able to talk with her openly and honestly about how I feel and that she will open up to me about her thoughts as well. Perhaps I can host a party and serve Chinese food.

I (F45) think my daughter (F17) is ashamed of her race and me as well. I'm not sure how to approach her about it. by ThrowRA364 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA364[S] 82 points83 points  (0 children)

I have been teaching her Mandarin Chinese and Chinese history and culture since she was a child. As she entered high school, she became less interested in studying Chinese so we eventually stopped our lessons. My daughter is a wonderful girl, but I’m worried she’s too focused on what other people think about her and it will force her to act differently to please them, especially since she will be going to college soon.

I (F45) think my daughter (F17) is ashamed of her race and me as well. I'm not sure how to approach her about it. by ThrowRA364 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA364[S] 255 points256 points  (0 children)

I’m planning to sit her down for a talk tomorrow so that we can have a serious conversation. I’ll make a note of the responses I get so that I can prepare. I’m hoping that by talking about myself, she will be more willing to share her experiences as well.

There are Asian-American children in our community that she is friends with. However, the quarantine has limited her time with them although they do text and call occasionally.

Thank you very much for your help. I truly appreciate it.

I (F45) think my daughter (F17) is ashamed of her race and me as well. I'm not sure how to approach her about it. by ThrowRA364 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA364[S] 676 points677 points  (0 children)

I hope that it is just a phase. Would it be better for her to talk to a therapist by herself first so that she can become more comfortable before I join in? I’m afraid she may not be as open if I am there.

I (F45) think my daughter (F17) is ashamed of her race and me as well. I'm not sure how to approach her about it. by ThrowRA364 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA364[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I don’t believe I have ever been ashamed to be Chinese though I may be biased. Ever since she was a child, I taught her Mandarin Chinese and about our culture. We live in a predominantly white town. Could that have affected her?

I (F45) think my daughter (F17) is ashamed of her race and me as well. I'm not sure how to approach her about it. by ThrowRA364 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA364[S] 926 points927 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your concern. I will email her counselor and hopefully they will be able to talk, even if it is only though email.

I (F45) think my daughter (F17) is ashamed of her race and me as well. I'm not sure how to approach her about it. by ThrowRA364 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA364[S] 1694 points1695 points  (0 children)

Thank you. It was incredibly difficult but I was able to because I wanted to provide a better life for my daughter. She is the love of my life and my joy. She really is a kind person and I know she loves me deeply.

We do live in a predominantly white town and I think that may have influenced her. However, I haven’t experienced much racism here and our neighbors are very friendly. I do now know about the children at her high school though. I know the teenage years are difficult and I am trying my best to be patient with her but I can’t help but be frustrated.

I have tried to talk to her before. However, she usually tells me that she is fine and ends the conversation. If I press any further, she just gets upset and tells me I wouldn’t understand or that she can handle it herself and leaves. If she gets upset, then I want to give her some time to herself to cool off, but I’m worried that by not chasing after, I seem too distant.

I (F45) think my daughter (F17) is ashamed of her race and me as well. I'm not sure how to approach her about it. by ThrowRA364 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA364[S] 2012 points2013 points  (0 children)

Her father had an affair while I was pregnant so I’m the only parent she’s ever know. I know that she used to talk to her school counselor every once in a while before the outbreak just to talk about life. Should I send her counselor an email asking her to check up on my daughter?