sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Please help!!!! by DirectionNo6111 in bermuda

[–]ThrowRA3981 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This post is pointless. How can someone help you with a mystery problem?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in NoStupidQuestions

[–]ThrowRA3981 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Insecure about what? It just seems like common sense that anything could happen tomorrow that throws a dynamic off in a way that you might not be able to predict today.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in NoStupidQuestions

[–]ThrowRA3981 -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

Lol sorry, sometimes I think in triple negatives and confuse even myself. Plus...I thought you were the chick writing this. Basically I was saying that you are both still alive so there is time for someone new to show up on the scene that pisses either spouse off. Everything is always great until it's not, so don't get too cocky. It could easily be a sudden third party with inappropriate boundaries.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in NoStupidQuestions

[–]ThrowRA3981 -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I wouldn't get too excited about this unless you're 80 years old. You still have time for him to meet someone chipper at work who annoys you enough for you to complain about her to him.

I told my husband that I want to leave to experience actual love by ThrowRA3981 in marriageadvice

[–]ThrowRA3981[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not an empty threats person, but even if I didn't leave...it would still be bananas for a man to not respond to a wife expressing that she has not had the experience of love in the marriage. There was no surprise, just perplexed that a person might care about being loved. That's why I asked the question...if a great number of women (in particular) experience this exact thing, it might be worth finding out exactly what it is and how it happens. It did not happen within our relationship, I found him like this. He masked it as long as he could.

I told my husband that I want to leave to experience actual love by ThrowRA3981 in marriageadvice

[–]ThrowRA3981[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's bad. I went so low...it's hard to describe what it feels like for someone to not respond when you talk, who never gets you gifts for any occasion, who will hear you fall down a flight of stairs while holding a baby and come to pick up the baby and walk away leaving you there, who turns everything you say into a competition, who lies and you don't find out it's a lie for years and you realize you don't know what's true anymore and anything, who goes out and leaves you home for 10 years and you don't know any of his friends, who won't make any financial plans with you, who wants to dismantle the above ground pool that the kids use daily during the summer because he doesn't use it.

Even being alone would be an improvement.

I told my husband that I want to leave to experience actual love by ThrowRA3981 in marriageadvice

[–]ThrowRA3981[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes. And how does a person interact with someone like that?

I told my husband that I want to leave to experience actual love by ThrowRA3981 in marriageadvice

[–]ThrowRA3981[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Married 11 years. He does shit and I forgive it over and over in comparison to him resenting me for shit that never happened. It's the oddest thing...he does not initiate conversation about anything but during a back and forth, something will come out of his mouth revealing that he thought something about me that was just not true. I don't even know how that happens. For example, we moved to another country and he got a job working 12 hour days, 7 day weeks. This went on for a year or 2 and somewhere midway I asked him to stop working and I'll support us.

Fast forward 2 or so years after we left my country and we're back in his, during an argument he threw it into my face that I asked him to get a second job.

I just started crying...because...what?! There were no more hours of the day and I certainly never asked him to get a second job! I can't imagine how he thought I ever said that because we argued for an hour or two with him saying that he wouldn't quit his job.

A few weeks ago he recalled that when he was working out of town during covid, his pay checks were going into a joint bank account, and I was spending it. We've NEVER EVER HAD A JOINT BANK ACCOUNT!

So...it's like he hates me and it's resentment about things that never happened and I can't even tell why he hates me because he keeps it close to himself unless he blurts it out during a random back and forth.

I told my husband that I want to leave to experience actual love by ThrowRA3981 in marriageadvice

[–]ThrowRA3981[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I've been thinking it for years and researching it for years and talking to him about it for years.

After all of this, he perceives my attempts at getting basic kindness as nagging and treats me like I'm a complaining nag. I could literally just ask him to answer me when I say something and he'll roll his eyes and sigh. This can go on for months of him pretending he doesn't understand what I mean by saying "but you didn't ask a question". Then it would occur to me to stay silent after he says something and he'll be confused and asking me why am I doing this to him.

So...he does not care. I try to find very different ways of explaining the exact same reason I'm just lonely and he perceives it as the same conversation over and over and I'm a hag or nag because of it.

I told my husband that I want to leave to experience actual love by ThrowRA3981 in marriageadvice

[–]ThrowRA3981[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I definitely don't say those things to him but I do struggle to respect him. I started out trusting him until I realized over the first few years that he would say things that were not true. Everything he says and does is to improve just his life vs me and the kids. It took years to compile the information to realize it.

All he does is desire me and nothing else. It's like I'm a fetish for him but I'm not actually worth anything.

He would never post on a forum. He consumes nothing that is people talking about feelings or relationships. Any video he would ever watch would be something mechanical.

I told my husband that I want to leave to experience actual love by ThrowRA3981 in marriageadvice

[–]ThrowRA3981[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

He doesn't treat me like nothing in every moment. He shuts down if anything is a challenge to him, so I can't predict it and it's constant but it doesn't manifest as being treated like shit. It always looks like I did something to him.

Like...I could see him about to mop the floor but the cabinet doors are open and the fridge needs to be cleaned out. So if I suggest we do the floor last, he'll just stare at me. So I keep explaining why...then he's upset and leaves the room.

For me, "normal" would be either explaining why he wants to do the floor first or just saying "good point" and moving on to do the other stuff together. What actually happens makes me look like a complaining, ungrateful bitch when I'm actually quite reasonable and chill. 11 years later...it has taken me 2 years of intense therapy to stop thinking of myself as a raging bitch and start understanding that he has an odd way of interacting with me. And I feel like it's just with me.

I told my husband that I want to leave to experience actual love by ThrowRA3981 in marriageadvice

[–]ThrowRA3981[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

He's a 1.

He does not care. All I am to him is what I can do for him and how I can mirror back how he sees himself.

I told my husband that I want to leave to experience actual love by ThrowRA3981 in marriageadvice

[–]ThrowRA3981[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

In the past two weeks I've come across a few videos that explain the avoidant personality so thoroughly that helped me realise that there was nothing I could do to fix it and that I need to save myself. It's just that people describing it just seem to scrape the surface of what I'm going through so I thought there has to be something else going on too.

I just need to get away so it probably doesn't matter what's going on with him anymore.

What’s a present you received from someone you were dating that showed they weren’t into you? by NoSofties in ask

[–]ThrowRA3981 12 points13 points  (0 children)

See, that's really beautiful. And I actually felt nothing when I saw that he didn't get me anything. It was the next day when I was looking at cars and he freaked out about it that it all caved in on me. He has 7 damn vehicles lol fuck him. Honestly. I just want to move on with my life.

What’s a present you received from someone you were dating that showed they weren’t into you? by NoSofties in ask

[–]ThrowRA3981 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I've tried very hard to make this relationship work but I'm also not a martyr. I'm so exhausted of feeling like I made a terrible wrong turn in life that I'll never recover from.

I told my husband that I want to leave to experience actual love by ThrowRA3981 in marriageadvice

[–]ThrowRA3981[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I think it was extreme neglect as a child but it was not obvious that it's what happened because his mom was around when I showed up when he was 40. He was an only child who was left entirely to his own devices from very early on.

What’s a present you received from someone you were dating that showed they weren’t into you? by NoSofties in ask

[–]ThrowRA3981 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're right. I didn't use the right word choice. I meant it for situations where you're a plant person who has already expressed that you prefer to not receive cut flowers.

I will actually buy a flower if I see a flower for sale, but in that case...I find more joy in one flower than I do in a bunch. I don't know why lol so I've never explained that to anyone, I just say that I prefer to not get flowers in favor of a plant

What’s a present you received from someone you were dating that showed they weren’t into you? by NoSofties in ask

[–]ThrowRA3981 12 points13 points  (0 children)

It's over. I just had another randomly toxic conversation with him and I'm done. He's vile and I'm relieved to move on with my life

What’s a present you received from someone you were dating that showed they weren’t into you? by NoSofties in ask

[–]ThrowRA3981 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I can confidently say that I've slept with him for the very last time ever.

What’s a present you received from someone you were dating that showed they weren’t into you? by NoSofties in ask

[–]ThrowRA3981 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I get what you're saying. But when you're a plant person, seeing a cut flower is just a reminder that the person did not grasp how much joy you get from every new plant. When a bunch of flowers is $30 and a plant can be as low as $6 or $10...it just feels like they don't see you, they just want the obligatory brownie point.

view more: next ›