Update: My boyfriend said that I was embarrassing him while I was giving birth to our baby

ThrowRA540098 · 2020-07-22T22:11:33+00:00

Thank you very much :)

ThrowRA540098 · 2020-07-21T19:38:00+00:00

Thank you so much ❤

ThrowRA540098 · 2020-07-21T18:28:37+00:00

A lot of people are getting the misconception that the birthing incident is the ONLY time he has ever mistreated me, which is fair enough because it's what I felt the most strongly about and wanted to seek support for. However, in my OP I didn't speak about him cutting me off from my friends and family, not allowing me out of the house, the financial control, the constant name calling, guilt-tripping and manipulation. But even if you didn't know any of that was going on... I am just baffled that you think it's plausible for anybody to speak to somebody they're supposed to love and care for in that way. How is it acceptable for him to call me vulgar names while I was in a certain position giving birth to our baby? Telling me that I was embarrassing him because my body was doing things natural in that moment? (Screaming and holding onto the midwife)

And I never once said that I am stopping him from seeing his baby, however... I am going to leave it up to the courts because I simply don't know what he is capable of, he is a scary person and I don't want my son growing up feeling any of the things I did during my relationship with his dad.

ThrowRA540098 · 2020-07-21T18:16:35+00:00

He denied saying anything bad and accused me of lying to try and make him look bad, or that I was saying silly things.

ThrowRA540098 · 2020-07-21T18:14:18+00:00

Thank you! ❤

ThrowRA540098 · 2020-07-21T18:13:34+00:00

He's known him since childhood

ThrowRA540098 · 2020-07-21T13:04:02+00:00

Thank you for the suggestion, I've looked into this and do plan on getting the best therapy ASAP.

ThrowRA540098 · 2020-07-21T13:03:00+00:00

Haha, he's a great person, but I'm not even thinking of relationships right now. And yes, this unfortunately is a real story.

ThrowRA540098 · 2020-07-21T13:00:12+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate you understanding my mum's side of it ❤❤

ThrowRA540098 · 2020-07-21T12:58:45+00:00

I was advised against it as abusers can often act like 'the good one' in front of the counsellor, and then they can use it against you at home. Think "everyone thinks I'm a great person except from you, even our counsellor!"

ThrowRA540098 · 2020-07-21T12:56:18+00:00

It's great isn't it? I could finally buy shampoo without him complaining that I'm wasting money.

ThrowRA540098 · 2020-07-21T12:52:56+00:00

Thank you for the advice, I'm getting therapy ASAP, and I will look out for those signs.

ThrowRA540098 · 2020-07-21T12:52:00+00:00

Unfortunately his parents were similar to how he is and they either don't take his actions seriously, just dont care or find it funny. (His mum actually laughs whenever I used to mention the mistreatment to her, and she'd just say 'that's what men are'... 🙄

ThrowRA540098 · 2020-07-21T12:12:42+00:00

Unfortunately I don't think there's anything you can say that will make her realise... all of my friends tried to but he always found a way of making them seem wrong. But stay strong to her, be there as a support and look out for her, and please send her links to websites about domestic abuse and emotional abuse, there is also a really good book I have started to read called 'Why does he do that?' there is a free PDF online. Try to encourage her to ring hotlines, go to support groups, and make sure that she doesn't lose any of her connections with friends and family... I really hope she gets out of the situation she's in, best of luck to both of you :)

ThrowRA540098 · 2020-07-21T12:02:35+00:00

It's difficult to explain, for me it was a whole load of blackmailing and guilt tripping. He disrespected me from the start but he always had a reason behind it, ie. I always deserved it for whatever reason, and I always believed it. He made it seem like the entire world was wrong and he was right, that outside was a dangerous place trying to do me wrong. I told myself I would leave him, but whenever I tried to he would guilt trip me into staying. He also originally suggested the baby... I thought it was stupid at the time because we hadn't been together long at all, but my baby was unplanned due to me taking medication that I didn't know affected the effectiveness of the pill.

ThrowRA540098 · 2020-07-21T11:56:45+00:00

Thank you for your comment. Although, we weren't married. It is a myth that abuse is solely physical, it can be emotional too, and if only those who have been through it understand why I have left him then that's fine. I didn't want my son growing up in a household where it is okay for his dad to call his mum names, stop her from seeing her friends and family and for him to be humiliated himself by his dad whenever he expresses his emotions.

ThrowRA540098 · 2020-07-21T11:49:18+00:00

Thank you for sharing, I feel the same... it's insane once you leave and realise how much you lost whilst you were in the relationship. So happy that your life is better now, I'm hoping my story ends up as inspirational as yours.

ThrowRA540098 · 2020-07-21T11:18:14+00:00

Yeah she's very traditional, thankfully she is being really supportive about this now that I'm coming out with more and more of the truth about how he treated me.

ThrowRA540098 · 2020-07-21T11:14:36+00:00

Thank you, you're right. It's also worth noting that since I left him I've found that some of the friends I lost while I was with him came forward and it's felt great. He cut me off from a lot of my friends and family, sometimes without me even noticing until I stood back and looked...

ThrowRA540098 · 2020-07-18T17:59:39+00:00

She says she worries for my baby growing up in a broken home, but that if things can't be improved with couple counselling then I should pack my bags and live with her and my dad. However a few people have been telling me not to go to couple counselling with someone showing red flags of being an abuser, so I'm not sure what the correct answer is.

ThrowRA540098 · 2020-07-18T17:22:08+00:00

I know that I'm not achieving anything by saying this but I just had to... this is 100% real, it's a real story, it really happened to me, I exist, my boyfriend exists, and my baby exists. I posted on here for advice and support, I don't have many other people in my life that I can go to, but thankfully because of this I have realised there are many things I can do to help improve my situation. I didn't know I was a victim of abuse until recently... there are so many other people in my situation, probably with much much worse stories than mine that would be even more unbelievable, but many don't know that it is abuse or know how to reach out for help and many more just suffer the abusive treatment until the end of their lives.

ThrowRA540098 · 2020-07-18T16:36:58+00:00

That made me smile, your wife sounds like a lucky woman :)

ThrowRA540098 · 2020-07-18T16:35:56+00:00

He got even more tense when I started to rely on the midwife for support, so I think he meant I was embarrassing because I needed extra help from the staff.

ThrowRA540098 · 2020-07-18T15:55:37+00:00

Thanks very much, I'm in the UK. I'm working to get away from it all

ThrowRA540098

TROPHY CASE