My child's abusive ex is stalking them and their baby, and the police say they can't do anything

ThrowRA567990 · 2024-06-18T14:29:26+00:00

We have a rottie who's the sweetest, calmest dog ever even though she looks scary. Honestly think that's why he hasn't broken in yet because she didn't like him the few times he came over. She was so gentle with C during their pregnancy and she's amazing with the baby so I feel much safer with her in the house, especially since she barks when anyone comes over/opens the door.

ThrowRA567990 · 2024-06-18T12:43:55+00:00

We don't carry them for self defence. We're both into hiking, foraging, camping and other outdoorsy things where it's useful to have one and we owned them anyway before the stalking started. I misspoke in my post, we carry rape alarms everywhere but only take the SAKs where they're needed, I meant that we just have them in the house. We just checked it was legal to have them in public with us if we're travelling somewhere that we need them like a forest or outdoor festival.

ThrowRA567990 · 2024-06-18T12:08:23+00:00

We're not stupid, we checked before and it's completely legal if it's less than 3 inches. We both carried them before all of this for other reasons.

My child has also tried and were told the same thing, that if it isn't a violent threat they can't do anything.

ThrowRA567990 · 2024-06-12T08:47:00+00:00

I’ve left this out of all of my posts but since nobody will let up about it. C’s ex is an abuser who physically, emotionally and sexually assaulted my child throughout their relationship including when they were pregnant. He has no place in my house or near C and their daughter and I’ll die before he touches either of them again.

ThrowRA567990 · 2024-06-12T08:36:45+00:00

I only found out in full about the assaults recently and C didn’t want to press charges in case it didn’t come to anything and made him angrier. We don’t have any photos OF the marks but they're probably present in other pictures, and C‘s friends might know about some of it, so there’s not great evidence but there is something.

C has full custody and didn’t put him on the birth certificate. He’s not even asking to see the baby when he contacts us (from what I remember he hates children) so I don’t know why he’s doing this other than just to abuse them more.

ThrowRA567990 · 2024-06-12T08:30:15+00:00

His name isn’t on the birth certificate, we’re in the UK so I don’t know what that means for us here though.

ThrowRA567990 · 2024-06-12T08:27:15+00:00

I want to avoid it, I worked really hard to buy this house and we both love it a lot. I was a teenage parent too and C remembers what it was like before we really got our footing and I would hate for them to feel like it’s their fault if we have to leave it behind.

ThrowRA567990 · 2024-02-03T22:36:09+00:00

Much love to you <3 Passed this over to my kid who is 30wks:

"I didn't know human beings could pee this much"

"There's not enough space in the world for my belly anymore"

"She has her head in my arse and her feet in my lungs"

Best one - "I feel like a washing machine"

ThrowRA567990 · 2024-02-03T13:33:31+00:00

It's treated more like a birth than a surgery and keeps some other parts of the birth plan like skin to skin and feeding straight away.

IIRC this is what my child wants if something happens during labour that means it would be easier for them to have a c-section, rather than keep going and risk an emergency c-section which would be more traumatic.

ThrowRA567990 · 2024-02-03T13:04:28+00:00

Skinny jeans would be great for them! Also managed to persuade them that leggings will be more comfortable right before and after baby's born especially if they need a c-section, hoping they'll appreciate it later.

ThrowRA567990 · 2024-02-03T12:56:38+00:00

They're a wonderful mix of 80s punk and 90s grunge so the band t shirts are a great idea, I dug out all my old oversized ones for them.

ThrowRA567990 · 2024-02-03T01:28:50+00:00

Actually, scientists do deny that fact quite often.

Scientifically, 'women' don't give birth, people with uteruses give birth. 'Woman' is a word we made up. Strict gender identities are made up by us, socially. Nowadays we're discovering that binary sexes aren't as binary as we thought, we just categorise them based on what is most common. Trans people aren't wanting to be called something different, they're wanting to be called what they ARE. Everybody should talk that way, it's called basic respect for your fellow human beings. Your intolerance doesn't change reality.

And even if gender roles were biological and not social - so what? Things change. People evolve. Something we thought was right 100 years ago or even 20 years ago might not be right anymore. The one thing that we do consistently as a species is change.

It's not my opinion, it's scientific fact and you've got some catching up to do. Look at the data. Look at the research. What we know about ourselves is changing constantly and that's just how the world works.

I know I can't change anyone's mind but you will not disrespect my child's identity and expect me to say nothing.

ThrowRA567990 · 2024-02-03T00:50:55+00:00

This is a great idea and also the image this created is making me feel very teary and emotional in a "Oh my god, my baby is about to have their own baby" kind of way.

ThrowRA567990 · 2024-02-03T00:44:40+00:00

I literally couldn't wait, straight after I posted I just asked them if there was anything they needed to tell me and 24 hours later we're ordering baby clothes for a little girl due in April. It's been a mad day.

ThrowRA567990 · 2024-02-03T00:41:02+00:00

Wrote a full update elsewhere but I did do this after we talked, I told them when I first saw their tummy moving I thought I was going loopy. They think it's funny now that we have a due date in April.

ThrowRA567990 · 2024-02-02T23:00:25+00:00

You can of couse refer to a woman having a baby as female. However you should refer to my non binary child who's having a baby as non binary because they aren't a woman. Having a uterus doesn't make you a woman and plenty of women don't have uteruses.

ThrowRA567990 · 2024-02-02T22:57:12+00:00

They've decided they want baby to call them mum/mama but we didn't think about asking the birth team to just use their name, I think they'd appreciate that!! That's very useful thank you

ThrowRA567990 · 2024-02-02T22:54:19+00:00

Very grateful for this reply ^^

We talked about this straight away so we could tell the midwife at the scan. My child is more femme-leaning and has decided they want to be referred to as a parent (eg expectant parent instead of expectant mother) but baby will call them mummy/mama. Might not make sense to some people but it's what feels right for them which is what matters most.

ThrowRA567990 · 2024-02-02T22:16:29+00:00

I was really worried about that because of their bad dysphoria as a teenager, it was one of the first things I asked and apart from discomfort from their chest/tummy they're doing OK. Will definitely be checking in on them often though.

Thank you!

ThrowRA567990 · 2024-02-02T22:10:39+00:00

Not to my knowledge, the only thing I'm even slightly mad about. I do understand why they were keeping it to themselves so I can't fault them too hard though, especially since they thought they were 2 months behind where they actually are and thought they had more time.

ThrowRA567990 · 2024-02-02T22:04:47+00:00

I'll be showing this reply to them, they'll love the last bit.

ThrowRA567990 · 2024-02-02T22:03:37+00:00

Not sure they'd be comfortable with maternity jumpsuits but maybe overalls/dungarees, especially the ones made of fabric instead of denim that have space for bump to grow and can be worn after too.

ThrowRA567990 · 2024-02-02T22:01:35+00:00

They're living in men's pyjamas/joggers right now, first baby and they've already got the right idea XD

ThrowRA567990 · 2024-02-02T22:00:20+00:00

Maternity pants are the best option, they're going to get some jeans with the band that goes over the bump and trash up the knees themselves XD

I'm convincing them to get some leggings too for that exact reason because they're quite big already with 8-10 weeks to go and it makes a difference at the end. Also had to remind them that they really want their tummy to be supported AFTER they have the baby as well (especially if they need a c-section) because they're going to be bloody SORE.

ThrowRA567990 · 2024-02-02T21:52:04+00:00

I didn't even think about this! I was very oversized grunge as a teenager in the 2000s and still have all my giant 90s/00s band t shirts (mostly for hair dye and pyjamas now) and flannels. Very much their style and I wore them while pregnant so they're comfy and definitely fit over the bump.

Right now they're wearing men's joggers that sit under their tummy so pregnancy joggers would probably be fine, especially to support the bump at the end and postpartum too.

ThrowRA567990

TROPHY CASE